Back to Life
by Haitus80
Summary: Sequel to Chevy Van. (No ZA AU) Daryl made it his mission to forget. Carol had no choice but to remember.
1. Chapter 1

**Hello again! A lot of you wanted both but it was clear that if you couldn't have both you would rather have the no ZA sequel. So, I'll start with that. I'll apologize in advance if I took this one down an avenue that you'd rather not explore! I know how some of you feel about stories like this one but this is just the story I had to write. It was stuck in my head. I do plan on posting both, but I'm not sure how to do it. I can post them at the same time but wouldn't that get confusing? Then again, if I post the other one after this one, would you even really remember everything that happened in the first one? But, no worries. I'll figure it out! And until I do, I hope that you enjoy this one. I'm really nervous that you won't! The sequels were the biggest reason I never posted the first one in the first place. But I can't leave it the way I left it so, here you go.**

**Chapter One **

_**Five years gone... **__**Atlanta, Georgia**__**... Carol**_

Carol dressed in an old pair of cut off jeans and a bikini top. She didn't worry about what she looked like at the moment because she didn't expect to see anyone. Her trip to Atlanta months ago hadn't turned out the way she had thought it would. She hadn't been able to find Daryl, though she had her friend Avery helping her with online searches, but they had turned up nothing. Avery was somewhere in Europe now and Carol was trying to settle into the house she had purchased.

Living back in Georgia seemed to deepen her need to find him, though. It was like he had stepped onto a plane headed for Georgia and he had simply vanished.

She grabbed the water hose and sat her bucket down, eyeing the van with a critical eye. When Daryl had picked her up in the old beat up thing five years ago it had been red. Or what had vaguely passed as red. Now it was black and had undergone extensive body work. On the outside it was much different from the van he had given her. On the inside, nothing much was changed.

She had meant to have it redone. She was planning on giving it back to him some day and had wanted to give him something that he would like. She just hadn't been able to have the inside altered. Even the mattress in the back, where they had spent all those nights wrapped up in each others arms, was still in the back. The stolen blankets from the hotel were still in there too. She had even found one of his shirts shoved into the corner. Everything inside of that van was another physical reminder of the man that had changed her entire world. She would leave it like it was.

"It's so dang hot out here."

She looked over at a pair of denim blue eyes and she couldn't help but smile. He was the first person that she had ever met that was even more beautiful than Daryl Dixon. "It was just as hot in California."

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "This hot is different."

She nodded in agreement. "It's humidity."

"Yeah, well, it's awful," he scowled.

"We talked about this before we ever moved here and we all agreed that this was a good idea, you remember that before you start fussing at me," she said, moving the hose so the spray was aimed a little to the left of him.

"Well, you shoulda told me more about it and then maybe I would have pitched myself a fit and begged to stay back in California," he grumbled and then stuck his head under the cold spray. When he finally raised up his dark blond hair was plastered to his forehead.

"I thought you were asleep, anyway," she said once she moved the hose and went back to work on washing the dirt off the side of the van.

"Thought you were suppose to unpack stuff," he countered, leaning against the side of the van and crossing his feet at the ankles. His posture alone had her stomach twisting painfully and a lump forming in her throat. It reminded her so much of Daryl.

"Well, it's a nice day so I wanted to enjoy it."

"When will Avery be back?" He asked. She could tell by his voice that he knew there was something wrong. He was good at that. He read her easily and it was just another painful reminder of the man who haunted her.

"I think she said that she would be flying in next week but you know Avery. She's a busy woman."

He nodded, his eyes moving past her towards the woods that surrounded three sides of their new home.

She had an idea, even though she knew it was going to be a painful one. "How about I get changed and we go on a walk. There's a lot of woods to explore and I'm tired of even thinking about unpacking."

His blue eyes lit up. "You mean it this time or are you gonna do what you've done all the other times I talked about goin' to the woods?"

She snorted, grabbing his hand and pulling him towards the back patio. "I'm a busy woman too. But we can go. I think its high time we do a little exploring."

"Are you gonna bring your gun with you?" He asked, looking over his shoulder towards the woods once more, longing in his eyes.

"Of course," she said, pushing him into the kitchen. "Go wake up your sister and tell her to get dressed."

He rolled his eyes. "Why does she have to come? She never said she wanted to go out there."

Carol raised a brow at him and shook her head. "Well, we can't just leave her here."

He huffed but finally headed out of the room. "Fine, but she's just gonna get on my nerves."

She watched him stalk out of the room, carrying himself in a way that seemed much too grown up for his age. She felt that familiar sadness well up inside of her once he was out of the room and she leaned heavily into the counter, her fingers gripping the edge and her head hung low.

She was fine. Everything was going to be okay because she was strong. She was strong and she was successful and she was determined to _make_ herself okay. She was back in Georgia and she wasn't giving up her search. Her friend's parting words cut through her mind, leaving a new wound on her heart.

_"__It's been five years, Carol. A lot can change in five years. If this is really the guy from those photographs then chances are slim that he didn't find himself a woman. He could be married. He could have built a life for himself. I hate to think of you finding him and accomplishing nothing but breaking your heart even more than it's already been broken."_

But she couldn't let it go. She couldn't accept that. Over and over her friend had tried to set her up with men. Over and over she had tried to talk her into moving on. But she never could. There wasn't anyone out there that she wanted but him. And the thought of him already losing all these years hurt her. And it wasn't only her that felt it.

"Mama?"

She turned at the sound of her daughter's voice and didn't have to force the smile. The little girl smiled back easily but her brother, who was just as perceptive as his long lost father, eyed her with an intensity that no four year old boy had any right to have. For two children that actually shared a womb for nearly eight months they were as different as night and day. "You two ready?"

They nodded in unison.

_**Five years gone... Augusta, Georgia... Daryl.**_

Daryl was sweaty, pissed off and covered in mortar. They had put in a hard days work and that alone was enough to piss Merle off. He'd been clean for six months but he was itching. Daryl could see it in the hard set of his eyes. Daryl pulled into the parking lot of the bar that Merle frequented. He wasn't in the mood to drink or socialize but this place had the best damn food in the state and he was starving.

"You fuckin' serious?" Merle growled, glaring at him.

Daryl threw the beat up truck in park and nodded. "If you think I'm gonna work all day in this heat and then come home and cook you a meal you're fucking crazy. You can wait out here and have a heat stroke if you want. Don't matter to me." He knew why Merle was in such a bad mood but the man had brought it on himself.

"I bet it wouldn't matter to you you brown nosin' little shit," Merle grumbled under his breath as he jumped down from the truck and slammed the door hard enough to jar Daryl's teeth.

He followed Merle through the doors and was happy to see that the place wasn't crowded just yet. It was a Friday and in a few hours the place would be packed. They headed to a table towards the back and sat down heavily. Usually Merle wanted to sit in the center of the room where he could more easily become the center of attention. Daryl hated dealing with Merle's horrible mood but damn if he wasn't glad he was mad enough to simply want to be left alone.

As soon as they ordered Merle was glaring at him again. "So, did you give that son of a bitch a hand job behind the building today to get out of going to Atlanta your damn self?"

Daryl glared. Earlier their boss had called them in to inform them that there was a job to do in Atlanta. Some lady with money wanted a pool redone and she had heard that the company that Merle and Daryl worked for were the best when it came to brick, stone work and tile. Unfortunately for Merle, he was chosen to go there first thing Monday morning and get measurements of the property and figure out exactly what the woman wanted. "Ain't my damn fault you got yourself arrested and fired. You're lucky he hired you back at all. Stay the hell off my case. I ain't got a damn thing to do with it."

Merle snorted and took a deep pull from the mug of beer the waitress sat down in front of him. "Yeah, I bet."

Daryl went back to ignoring his brother and started chewing on the skin around his thumb nail. He could have easily told the boss that he wanted to take care of that project himself. Merle knew as much, but Daryl hadn't wanted to go. He didn't like dealing with women at all. It was a pain in the ass because he couldn't even speak to a woman, cashier, waitress, no woman, without Merle hounding him about actually getting with one.

And he didn't want anything to do with anything like that.

"Here you go, sweetheart."

Daryl looked up just as the waitress sat his plate down. She was probably a few years older than him with hair that was too blonde and muddy brown eyes that were loaded down with too much make up. He grunted out a thanks as she gave him a wolfish grin.

After handing Merle his plate she cocked her hip out and flipped her hair over her shoulder. "Can I get you anything else?" She asked coyly.

He shook his head and started eating, not bothering using his fork but tearing off a piece of steak with his fingers.

Merle scoffed. "Give it up lady, my brother here is queer as a three dollar bill. You give him a snatch flash and he'd likely throw up."

Daryl rolled his eyes but didn't make a remark. If thinking he was gay would get her the hell away from him then for now, he'd be gay. The lady hurried away without another word. They finished eating without speaking and it continued on long after they got to the house that they shared. It was the same house Merle had dragged him to five years ago.

He was tired from working so hard and that was how he wanted it. He showered quickly and then went straight to his room. It was a nightly ritual. Him and Merle didn't do a whole lot of talking. They hadn't for a long time.

He loved his brother. He would never be able to deny that. Merle was the only family he had and the man had tried. Goddamn, he had tried. But in all that trying he destroyed so much and Daryl wouldn't ever forgive him for it. He had tried to forgive him. He had been trying for years. But the kid that left that airport out in Arizona was long gone, the kid that had dared to hope. The man that had finally emerged from that broken boy had been squashed the second he realized that it was all over for him. Another transformation had taken place and the man he was now was a bitter and half recognized reflection of the person he had been out there with her.

He knew that it wasn't healthy. Too much time had passed and he should move on. And he would if he thought that it would dull the ache. But he knew it wouldn't. He hadn't been out looking for anything other than escape out there on that highway the day he had picked her up, but that didn't matter. He'd found something. He'd found _everything_. He found himself out there and he had found a sense of peace he had never felt before. He'd found home. And then it had all been ripped away.

How could a man come back from that? How could he be with someone else after he'd found the only thing he'd ever want in his life? Carol was probably out there somewhere living the good life. Maybe she was married. Maybe she had decided to move on and maybe she was happy. As much as that thought cut him. As much pain it caused him, he hoped that for her. He loved her enough to want that for her.

He dropped down on the bed and did the same thing he did every single night. He let the loneliness wash over him. He let the dull agony start to lull him into another fitful sleep. He didn't look at her pictures anymore. He couldn't look at them. The only thing it would accomplish was more heartache.

And his heart flat out couldn't take anymore.

**P.S. The ZA version took a totally different route. They aren't very similar at all. I don't know if I mentioned that before. **


	2. Chapter 2

**Glad some of you are diggin' it! Thanks for reading! =)**

**Chapter Two **

Carol was blessed with two extremely smart children. Unfortunately, this meant that they were smart enough to come up with extremely good points when they were in the mood to argue with her about something. They were only four years old but acted years older.

"It's Friday. Why the heck are you sending us to bed so dang early on a Friday?" Jake asked, his arms crossing over his chest.

"Back home you let us stay up till forever," Lily chirped in, mocking her brother's stance.

She eyed them. "There is no _back home_. This is home and you know that I have a lot of stuff to get done. I haven't gotten any work done all week. Money doesn't grow on trees."

"Are you sendin' us to bed because you're still sad?" Lily asked, pale blue eyes meeting hers intently.

Carol felt a stab of guilt and then shook her head. "I'm not sad, honey. I'm just behind on things and I need to get it finished."

"How about a compromise?" Jake asked suddenly.

Carol fought back a laugh. "Where did you pick up the word compromise?"

Jake threw his hands up. "I learned it from Avery. Learned other words too but I know better than to use those. How bout we go to bed but we don't have to go to sleep? That way, we'll be out of your hair. We can watch movies or somethin'."

Her hands went to her hips as she eyed them. Both of them looked up at her, their eyes pleading. Finally she blew out a breath and turned them both around, pushing them gently down the hallway. "Okay, that sounds like a good compromise."

After they were both finally settled in their rooms she made her way to the kitchen and prepared a huge cup of coffee. She took the coffee with her back down the hall, ignoring the framed photos of the desert that she had enlarged, to the room she had turned into an office. She rolled her eyes as she turned on the lamp on the desk. This room was all Avery's idea.

Carol thought it was silly to have an office in her line of work. Sure, she had things to do on the computer from time to time but all in all, her work was still pretty raw. She didn't like filtering and making changes. If a photographer was good enough it was easy for them to capture even the most glaring flaws in a beautiful light. And she was good enough. Altering things just felt like cheating to her. But sometimes the editors demanded small changes and it wasn't her job to argue. She picked her battles carefully.

She sat down and instead of opening her laptop she grabbed her phone and then her eyes went up to the wall across from her desk, landing on the book that featured a lot of her work, including the spread that had launched her entire career.

She reached for her computer but then her phone went off, startling her and distracting her from the void she was about to lose herself in. "Hello?" She answered, trying to put as much happiness into her voice as possible.

Avery sighed heavily in her ear. "You're brooding."

Carol shook her head and settled further into the desk chair. "I am not brooding. I was about to go over those edits before turning them in. You know I hate editing."

"While brooding. Is all not going well? You know, you can always go back to Desert Palms. Take the house off the market, pack up those dreadful little beasts of yours and haul ass back to the west coast."

She grinned. "Those beasts were asking about you today. When will you be coming back to the states?"

"Now actually. I'll be there bright and early. I have gifts."

Carol rolled her eyes. "What could you have possibly gotten them now? They have everything."

Another prolonged sigh from Avery. "You mustn't keep trying to restrain me and my charitable ways. As an only child those poor children are the closest thing I will ever have to a niece and nephew. I refuse to let you turn them into hillbilly simpletons. Besides, I also have something for you."

"I don't need clothes," Carol said before taking a long sip from her mug. "Stop trying to restrain my sense of fashion."

"You are a mother and a star, you shouldn't still be wearing clothes that look like they were dug out of an old hippie's trunk. You have no sense of fashion. I hired a private investigator."

Carol stiffened, sitting up in the chair, her hands suddenly shaking slightly. "Avery, I told you, I've told you a thousand times that I won't do that."

"I'm done, Carol," Avery said, her voice uncharacteristically serious. "You moved back for a reason. You looked for a week and then you gave up. If it was just about you then I would be the best friend and I would mind my own business. But it isn't just about you. The kids need to know him. You need some damn closure. All the years I've known you, this is the first time I've seen you be a coward."

Carol felt anger chase away some of her fear. She sat up, sitting the mug down hard on the desk. "You don't understand," she snapped.

"I understand that you've not even bothered meeting anyone else. You have shot down everyone that I've tried to set you up with and you do it because even after five years, you're still in love with this man. And now that you are close, you are too scared to keep looking. You're scared of what you're going to find."

"If he has someone else..."

"That will be horrible for you. It really would, but it wouldn't change the fact that he is a father. If he truly is the man you say he is he deserves to know them and they him. Keeping him from them out of fear isn't fair to anyone. Not even yourself."

She was quiet for a long time. Avery was right. But that didn't mean that she wasn't terrified. She could find him and then learn that he wanted nothing to do with her. It had been years. Five very long years. She thought about how much her life had changed in those years. It was impossible to guess how his own life had turned out.

He was the love of her life and he probably always would be but that didn't mean that he felt the same after all this time. What if he didn't want this? What if he had never wanted kids? Would he think she had gotten pregnant on purpose? Would he accuse her of trying to pass another man's children off as his? He wouldn't know that he was the only man she had ever been with. Or worse, what if he already had children with someone else? What would this do to his life if he had a wife and a family and she came tearing in, disrupting everything?

No, he wouldn't be able to deny the kids. One look at Jake and he would know. There was nothing of herself in that boy. From the top of his head to the tips of his toes he was Daryl. The eyes, the nose, the mouth, the facial expressions, the sure way he carried himself. Even his hands were the exact shape as his fathers. And Lily, although she did look much more like Carol than her bother did, still favored Daryl a lot. Her lips and the curve of her brow were the same as Daryl's. No, he wouldn't do that. He would never be that kind of man no matter how much time had passed and no matter how his life had turned out.

"Carol?"

"Okay," she said, trying to speak through the lump in her throat. "Okay. Monday we'll start looking again."

"No matter what happens, you're going to persevere like you always have. And I'm assuming you will be persevering wearing faded bell bottoms, a peasant blouse and bare feet," she added and Carol could almost see her rolling her eyes.

She smiled despite the ache in her chest and the worry causing her stomach to turn. "Thank you Avery."

"Any time, love. See you bright and early."

Now it was Carol rolling her eyes. "Like you've gotten up before noon in years."

Avery gave a delicate snort and then ended the call without another word.

~H~

Merle wasn't surprised that Daryl went straight to bed after he got out of the shower. It was the way things were between them. He had never been the same after coming back from his month long stint out west. Merle knew that he had done some damage but at the time he hadn't realized how much.

But there wasn't a damn thing he could do about that now. Life went on. If Daryl was too goddamn pigheaded to get over it then that was his own damn fault. Now he was, once again, stuck sitting up by himself watching the goddamn news.

He wasn't paying much attention to it since he was about halfway through a twelve pack of beer. That was, until the anchor woman's overly chipper words caught his attention.

_"__In other news, world renowned fashion photographer Carol Reynolds has finally come home to settle down with her two children. Reynolds got her big break when she published th__is__ controversial photo spread that took the world of photography by storm..."_

Merle took a long pull from the bottle when several photographs popped up on the screen, black 'censor' boxes covering up some obvious naughty bits. He wasn't an expert but the photos actually had him doing a double take. When another photo popped up on the screen his eyes went wide... this one was zoomed in a little bit though. The face of the man in the photo was obscured by his shaggy hair but the angle showed off a decent portion of his back since he was bracing himself on his right arm. There was a distinct tattoo there that looked exactly like the one his brother had.

Was he... was he looking at a picture of his baby brother fucking someone?"

The next picture that popped up showed another view of the tattoo and Merle found himself spewing beer all over the coffee table. In this one the man was working his way down the woman's stomach, her hand tangled in his hair... Nah... No way.

_"... __been a mystery who the couple in the photo's could be and Reynolds hasn't even given a hint. It's rumored that the woman is Reynolds herself and the man... well... we may never know who that lucky Devil is."_

Merle wiped his mouth on the back of his hand and stared at the screen. Now they were talking about the weather but he still stared. He thought back to a few years ago when he had brought two women home. They were hot and more than willing to do some pretty nasty shit. Daryl had come stomping down the hall since Merle and the women had been making a lot of noise with their drunken antics.

One of the women basically tried to tackle the poor unsuspecting bastard. After the shock wore off and the woman actually tried to kiss him a look of cold fury had came across his face and he shoved the woman off of him so hard that she tripped over a chair and landed hard on the floor. Red faced and enraged Daryl glared at her and then Merle and then turned on his heel, slamming his bedroom door so hard it sounded like a gun shot.

Another girl at the grocery store, a real wholesome one, had flirted with him mercilessly and that too didn't end well. He had finally stopped going to that store, never showing the slightest interest in the poor girl.

"Can't be," he grumbled, shaking his head. Daryl wasn't the type that would do something like that. It was all a coincidence.


	3. Chapter 3

**Hello! Forgot to post yesterday so here you go. Thanks for reading! **

**Chapter Three **

Carol woke up early that Saturday morning, rolling onto her back and listening to the silence that filled the house. She stared up at the exposed wooden beams in the vaulted ceiling and blinked. The room was still mostly in shadows, the sun barely illuminating the day outside. Thunder sounded in the distance and she was glad for it.

She blinked sleep out of her eyes and sat up. Avery would be there soon and she would likely complain that Carol hadn't managed to get all of her unpacking done in the weeks since the woman had flown to Europe. Her room was done and the kids rooms were all set up but the rest of the house was in serious need of being decorated and things rearranged. She shouldn't have bought such a big house but when she had seen it online she had fallen in love with it.

It was a rough log and river rock cabin with huge windows and a deep porch that sat in the middle of thirty acres. Her and the kids had spent the last four years in a tiny two bedroom house out in Desert Palms California and she had saved up a substantial amount of money. Between that and her investments, they were living comfortably.

The day after she had made it to Palm Springs she had crashed a fashion show. She was almost thrown out by security when she was saved by one of the models who had spotted her. Avery Beliveau had demanded security release her and to Carol's surprise, they did as she said. Avery had taken her to the back and she had been able to take many candid shots of the models as they got ready. Avery had been stunned when Carol had reluctantly showed her the photos.

After that, her life quickly spun out of control. That month she became Avery's shadow. She had flown all over the world and made more connections than she ever thought possible. If Avery hadn't taken her under her wing then she don't know what she would have done.

Two months later Carol became ill. She learned that she was pregnant. Avery offered to help her out financially until things got rolling for her but she had refused. Avery had done enough. So she presented Avery with the photos from the motel and after that... she didn't need much help financially. She had felt guilty. Those photos had been something special and she basically sold them.

But she hadn't had much choice. She was going to be a mother. She couldn't find Daryl but she had a piece of him growing inside of her and she would do what she could to insure that the child would be taken care of. Avery had become a sister to her, canceling shows any time Carol had a doctors appointment. She had been a beacon in some of the darkest days Carol had ever had.

She shoved the blankets away from her legs and stood up, ready to take a shower and get breakfast started before the kids woke up. She would get to see her best friend today and she would get her house in order and she would make this another good day.

~H~

Daryl was glad it was Monday. He hated weekends. There was too much time on his hands on the weekends. He drove out to the woods a lot but his mind was free to dwell on things out there too. He worked on his bike a lot but the thing was finished now and there wasn't a damn thing he could think of that he could do with it now short of taking it apart and putting it back together again.

He was pathetic and he knew it.

Their boss clapped him on the back as he adjusted his knee pads. Today he would be laying pavers, which wasn't nearly hard enough work to keep him occupied but it was better than having nothing to do.

"That brother of yours is fit to be tied today," the man said with a shake of his head.

Daryl and Merle had worked for the man for five years. Well, Daryl had been with him for five years. Merle had been with him off and on. Merle wasn't very reliable but he was damn good at his job so he managed to always get it back. "He's always pissed about something," Daryl muttered.

"Well, you know how he is. This is a big job back in Atlanta and I don't need him messing up the deal just cause he's pissed off about going. I'm gonna go ahead and send Walsh with him."

Daryl grunted, shaking his head. Merle didn't much like Walsh. He was twenty three, just like Daryl, but he was working on joining the police academy and becoming one the things in the world that Merle hated most. He didn't hide his animosity and Daryl was afraid that Merle would end up losing his job again and the boss had made it clear that this time, he wouldn't cut Merle any slack.

It was out of his hands though. He wasn't his brother's keeper and if Merle wasn't smart enough to keep his opinions to himself and his mouth closed then that was his problem. He'd just have to go get a job somewhere else.

Of course, that would also mean that the rent and the bills and anything else would be on Daryl's shoulders. It was a good thing they had grown broad over the years. He got to work, ignoring the stress that plagued him over his brother and ignoring the hollow feeling in his chest that he was cursed with all the time. He lost himself in the physical labor.

~H~

Merle had made it a point to ignore Shane the entire trip to Atlanta. He hadn't said a word, even when Shane had asked him direct questions. He couldn't stand the son of a bitch. He hadn't been able to stand him even back when the man had first landed the job and wasn't planning on becoming some fucking pig.

Even though he wanted to keep quiet he couldn't help but let out a low whistle when the house came into view. The place was pretty fucking incredible, even by his own standards, which were pretty high even though he lived in a two bedroom house in the middle of town himself.

"Nice," Shane muttered, more to himself than to Merle.

"No shit," Merle agreed.

Shane gathered up the paperwork and they exited the truck, Merle slamming the door harder than he needed to.

"Russel wants me to do the talkin'," Shane said as they walked up the steps.

Merle nodded. "Good. The son of a bitch shoulda just sent your ass here to do this. He just sent me cause he knew I didn't wanna go."

Shane nodded and ran a hand through his hair before ringing the doorbell. "Well, you did get in a fight last week on the job. You're good, Merle, but damn. You're treading water there, man."

"Fuck you, Walsh," Merle grumbled just as the door opened up. Instantly Merle's eyes went wide and Shane's mouth actually fell open.

"Can I help you?" The woman asked in a heavy foreign accent, looking from one face to the next. She was just standing there in a bikini top and a pair of shorts that showed off legs that didn't seem to want to end. Her dark hair was spilling over one creamy flawless shoulder. She had a face made for magazines and wet dreams and Merle was five seconds away from sparking wood right there in his pants. "Hello?" She asked, her heavily accented voice taking on the tone that clearly told them she was getting annoyed.

"Yeah... er... I'm Shane. Shane Walsh. We're here to go over plans and contracts for the pool and patio we're starting here this week."

The woman continued to stare.

"Avery, who is it?" Another woman said from somewhere in the house.

The woman glanced over her shoulder. "There are two men here that seem to be struck mental at the sight of me. Come look, it's rather flattering."

"Jesus, Avery!" The other woman groaned. She pulled the other woman back and smiled at both of them. "I'm so sorry. Can I help you with something?"

Merle took this girl in and though she wasn't six feet of sex standing in front him like the other one, she was still hot. Just a more wholesome kind of hot. Her lower half was completely covered up with a long hippie skirt but, just like her friend, her breasts were covered with nothing but a scrap of material that passed for a bathing suit top. She had more swell to her hips too, which Merle liked.

"Yeah, are you Mrs. Reynolds?" Shane asked, still looking like he'd never seen a woman in a bikini top before.

"No, I'm _Miss_ Reynolds," she said with a smile

"We're here to go over the plans for the pool and patio so we have a few things you need to autograph for us," Shane said, smiling right back, going straight from numb nuts to suave.

Merle watched the girl's blue eyes turn a little colder at his wolfish grin but she kept the smile in place. "Right, come on in," she said, opening the door wide.

Merle and Shane stepped inside and glanced around, just as impressed with the inside as as they were with the outside. Everything was rustic and open, the ceilings vaulted with exposed log beams. Daryl was probably going to shit himself when they started on that pool. She led them to a kitchen. One whole wall was made of glass, showing off the long expanse of yard and the shitty landscaping beyond. There was a pool already and it would have been impressive too if the yard wasn't such a scraggly mess.

She was chattering away to Shane as they stepped out onto the back deck but he was barely paying attention. His eyes zoomed in on the woman in the pool. She was frolicking around with two kids in the water and instantly his interest in either of them shriveled up. He didn't fuck around with women with kids. It was a rule of his.

He wasn't paying attention to anything Shane and the woman were talking about. Instead he took in the yard, his mind spinning with ideas for the space. There was lot of ground to cover and the little bits of the conversation he'd caught between her and Shane made it sound like she wanted a lot done.

The dark haired woman lifted herself out of the pool. She'd lost the shorts, not that they did anything to cover up her goods anyway. She wrung out her hair, turned so her ass was facing them and bent over to pull the kids out of the water.

Merle's jaw clenched at the site and then the teasing bitch looked over her shoulder and flashed him a grin. Now he decided that if she kept this kind of shit up, he'd fuck her even if she did have a couple of rugrats, just for principal.

He watched as a little girl grabbed her hand and pulled her around to the other side of the pool but the other kid, a boy, glanced over towards the deck they were standing on. The kid did a double take when he realized they had company. He glanced back at the woman and girl and then back to the deck and then, with a heavy sigh that Merle could see all the way from here, he started stomping towards them. Merle had to hide a smile, for some reason feeling some sentimental shit that the little guy thought he had to be the man around here and check out what was going on.

Then the boy must have belonged to the girl talking to Shane and the kid had decided to come over and see what his mama was up to. He didn't look happy about it either. Merle watched the boy until he was about ten feet away and then his breath hitched in his throat and his heart stuttered slightly. He shook his head in disbelief.

The boy watched him wearily, his eyes narrowed in a familiar expression that Merle saw every goddamn day. Eyes the shade of warn denim, brows that arched just so, nostrils slightly flared, mouth turned down slightly and lips set in a disapproving line.

Merle swallowed thickly and then, to put the icing on the cake, the kid's thumb raised and he started chewing nervously at his nail as his suspicious gaze flitted from Merle to the woman that Shane was talking to.

Jesus Christ! Even the shape of the kids hands were familiar.

He was finally able to tear his gaze from the little boy to look up at the woman. She must have felt his eyes on her because she glanced over and then whatever she was saying died on her lips as a frown formed between her brows.

"Sir, are you okay? You look pale," she said in a worried voice.

He nodded and tried to clear his throat. "Yeah... yeah I'm good. Hey, you mind if I use your bathroom?" He asked, his voice sounding off as his eyes went back to the boy that was now studying Shane. Fuckin' Christ...

She nodded and motioned towards the door. "Of course. Take the hallway off the living room and it's the last door on the right at the end of the hall."

Merle nodded his thanks and slipped into the house. He headed down the hallway and then stopped in his tracks as a framed photo caught his eye. He had just tried to convince himself that there was no fucking way, no fucking goddamn way in hell that his brother had a goddamn kid. It was impossible. The only fucking woman he had been with was the one that Merle took him from five...

But there he was. It was a photograph taken at sunset, the sky lit up in so many fucking colors he couldn't count them. In the distance he could make out the side profile of a man sitting on a rock outcropping of some kind, his legs stretched out, leaning back on his arms as he gazed off at whatever scene was below him, his image darkened because of all the color that played as a backdrop. Darkened or not, he knew who he was looking at.

He'd somehow found his brother's girl. The one that had impacted him so much that losing her had fucked his head up permanently. She was here. It had to be her... and he had a son...


	4. Chapter 4

**Happy Friday! I might go ahead and post through the weekend. Hope you all stay safe out there! Thanks for reading =)**

**Chapter Four **

Merle and Shane made it back by lunchtime. That was about the same time the rain rolled in and Russel called it a day. Merle approached him as he was gathering up their stuff and shoving it into the back of the truck.

"Hey, little brother," Merle greeted him as he approached the truck.

Daryl looked up, a frown sliding into place as he watched his brother. Merle was looking at him all fucked up and he looked like he was going to puke. "Why the fuck you look like you're bout to puke?"

Merle studied him for a long time and Daryl could have sworn that he saw him wince slightly. "I'm alright. I'm good. Long trip."

Daryl snorted and pulled the door to the truck open just as the rain started falling in big fat drops. Merle slid into the passenger seat. "Trip wasn't that damn long," he muttered, feeling Merle's eyes on him. "Quit that shit, Merle. Why the hell you starin' at me like that?"

Merle shook his head and then his eyes went to the windshield as Daryl backed out. "You feel like drinkin'?" Merle asked suddenly. "I feel like fuckin' drinkin'."

Daryl chewed nervously at his thumb nail, his eyes shifting from the road to his brother. Merle was visibly sweating and even out of the peripheral of his vision Daryl could see that his hands were shaking. "You're fuckin' high!" He barked, causing Merle to jump.

Merle looked over sharply. "I ain't touched a drug in more than six goddamn months. What are you talkin' about?"

Daryl shook his head in disgust. "You're a real peace of shit, you know that? I can tell cause you're over there sweatin' bullets and your hands are shakin'. Goddamn it, Merle. You fuckin' swore that last time was it. You bout fuckin' died. I can't stand you most of the time but you're the only damn kin I got."

Merle seemed to grow even more pale and he ran a hand over his short cropped hair. "It ain't goddamn drugs, alright. I gotta lot on my mind is all."

Daryl snorted. "Yeah right."

"I mean it, damn it. I found out some news today is all. Some news about... about a buddy of mine. Now I'm worried about him."

Daryl laughed but it was bitter. "Now I know you're full of shit. You ain't got any buddies and if you did you sure as shit wouldn't be this bad off with worry over them."

"It's the truth. Actually, wouldn't mind your advice on the subject."

Daryl pulled into a Burger King and instead of going through the drive through he parked. This was serious. His brother didn't give a damn about anybody but himself so to see him this tore up over something was unsettling. Merle glanced at him, shook his head slightly and then faced the windshield once more. "What the fuck is goin' on?" Daryl asked, his gut telling him to hear his brother out.

Merle seemed to mull over his next words for a long time. "Well, the thing is, I got this friend. You don't know him. Name's Fred and he lives back in Atlanta..." He paused.

"Well, is that it?" Daryl asked sarcastically.

Merle grimaced. "Don't be a smart ass. Anyway, some shit happened a while back ago. He was... he was with this woman, you know. He was all fucked up in the head over her but I knew that this woman wasn't any good for him."

"Shit Merle," Daryl muttered, shaking his head, fighting back memories that he didn't want to think about right now. "Can't you ever just leave anything be?"

"Shut the fuck up. Anyway, so I stick my nose in his business and he ended up not bein' with this woman anymore. Never heard from her again cause she moved off somewheres, you know. Shit like that happens."

Daryl felt his face fall and he turned his head sharply away before Merle could see the pain there. "Yeah. Shit happens, Merle," he said quietly.

"Well, turns out, she might not have been as bad for him as I thought. I seen her today while I was in Atlanta and she had a couple of kids. Well, the bigger kid, I could just tell by lookin' at him, was my old buddy's. But he don't know she ever had a kid by him."

Daryl looked back at Merle, surprised that Merle looked so concerned over the whole thing. He didn't want to make it worse but he couldn't help but shake his head. "Jesus, Merle. How the hell could you do that to somebody you called a friend?" He asked. Jesus, he couldn't imagine how he would feel knowing he had a kid out there somewhere. Maybe he lost Carol but he hadn't lost his own flesh and blood when Merle had forced him back to Georgia.

Merle winced. "It ain't like I knew anything about it."

"It wasn't none of your damn business, though." He shook his head. "Why can't you stay out of people's business?"

A muscle in Merle's jaw started ticking and he finally looked back at him, meeting Daryl's eyes. "If it was you, you think you'd be able to forgive a man for somethin' like that?"

Daryl took in a deep breath and then breathed it out slowly. Merle was actually trying to have a serious conversation with him so he needed to think about his answer and give it to him straight. "I don't know." And that was the most honest answer he could give. "You're my brother, but goddamn man... if you caused me to lose a kid... can a man come back from that? And I'm your fuckin' brother, man. You're friend, the poor bastard, he's gonna be fucked up over somethin' like that."

Merle swiped his hand over his face. "Back when you was gone with that girl of yours, you was careful, right? You didn't go and get your little girlfriend-"

Daryl shook his head, his face flaming. "No."

"How do you know?" He asked, looking straight ahead again. "Did you keep it wrapped up tight?"

Daryl shrugged. Was he really going to have a talk about his sex life with... Merle? "She was on the pill."

Merle scowled. "You stupid ass! The pill ain't one hundred percent and for the love of Christ, ain't you learned anything from me? You coulda caught the goddamn clap!"

"Jesus, she was a virgin! And we ain't talkin' about this shit anymore. Worry about your fuckin' friend, Merle. What I did while I was gone and who I did it with ain't a goddamn bit of your business."

They ate their burgers in silence after they got home. Daryl was on his last fry when Merle glanced at him suddenly, his eyes imploring.

"Can I ask you somethin'?"

Daryl frowned. Why in the hell was he so hell bent on talking about shit today? "Sure," he muttered.

"You ever done porn?"

Daryl blinked stupidly, sure that he had heard his brother wrong. "What?"

"Porn. Have you ever fucked on camera?"

Daryl felt his face grow so hot that the tips of his ears felt like they were on fire. His mind was assaulted with images that he desperately tried to push back. He stood up, snatching the empty bag off the table and glared. "What the hell kinda question is that? Do I look like a porn star to you? Jesus, this is why me and you can't sit down and talk. There's somethin' wrong with your head." He stormed out of the room and shoved the bag into the trash can before he stormed off to his bedroom. He felt Merle's eyes on him but he ignored him.

As soon as his bedroom door was locked his eyes strayed to the top drawer of his night stand. He never opened it. He hadn't opened it in years, actually. But now he was worried that Merle had gone snooping through his stuff and found those pictures. He sat down on the edge of the bed and opened the drawer enough so his hand could fit inside. They were stuffed in an envelope and pushed back to the the very back. He felt around and found it in the same spot he had put it years ago. He froze for a few long seconds, swallowing hard. He wanted to look. He hadn't in so long because he thought it would have dulled the ache, maybe he would forget details. Thought maybe he could train his mind to forget her so he could finally escape that fucking crushing despair. But it hadn't worked. He was still just as messed up as he had ever been and he worried about himself. Worried because he knew that it wasn't fucking normal. A month. She had been a part of his life for just a month. But losing her had been like losing himself and it shouldn't have been like that.

He slid the envelope closer, telling himself that he shouldn't but not listening. He focused to the silence and the throb of his own heart as he studied the first photo, his eyes drinking in her features for a long time before he shoved them back in and slammed the drawer closed. He swiped a hand over his face. He shouldn't have done that. He fucking knew he shouldn't have done that. But in a way, it was worth the pain.

~H~

Carol and Avery took two glasses and a bottle of ridiculously expensive wine out to the front porch. Avery had bought it over in France. Carol didn't care for wine much. She secretly enjoyed a shot or two of bourbon every now and then but she just didn't really have a taste for the finer things.

They sat down at the small table, scooting their chairs in closer and listened to the sounds of the night around them. A small citronella candle burned on the table, keeping the worst of the bugs at bay. Carol spent many nights out here alone with her thoughts. It was a good place to remember things, even very painful things. The sky wasn't as vast here as it was out in Arizona, but the stars were still bright regardless. Now the stars were hidden away by thick clouds and rain pelted loudly on the tin roof.

"The beasts seem to like it here well enough," Avery said, unusually quiet.

Carol smiled. "I think it was hard on them for the first week because it's very different. We lived in the suburbs in the desert. I imagine to them, this is like a jungle. Everything is so green and it's rained three times in three weeks. They aren't used to it." Carol took a tentative sip of the wine, made sure Avery wasn't looking and then grimaced.

"If I ask you something will you refrain from groaning about it?" Avery asked after a long silence.

Carol closed her eyes for a few long moments, drained her glass of wine and then nodded as she poured another. "I'll do my best."

"What will it do to you if Daryl has his own family? I need to know what to prepare for. This detective is the best and I know we'll find him soon."

She drained that glass too and poured a third while she contemplated Avery's questions. "It would hurt. But that's life, isn't it? Just an accumulation of tragedies strung together, with an occasional bout of humor and rightness thrown in just to keep you on your toes? Don't worry about me. I'm prepared for the worst. My life has taught me to be."

"You've accomplished everything that you set out to accomplish and more. You're successful. You're wealthy. Not as wealthy as me but that's to be expected. You've made a name for yourself just like you dreamed of doing."

She smiled bitterly. It was true. She had accomplished more than she ever thought she could. "I would trade it all to have those years back. Every goddamn dollar. Every published photograph. Every big shot I ever shook hands with. Every magazine spread. I'd give it all back if he could have been there to see his kids come into the world. Their first steps and their first words. Between the two of us, we could have made it somehow." She was halfway finished with her fourth glass of wine and could tell. She ran a hand through her hair and stared off into the dark yard. "I know that you've tried to understand but I can't explain it. How can I make you understand something that I don't understand myself? And I know that it's been a long time but some days don't feel that way. Some days feel like no time has passed at all, like it's the same day he walked away. Every day it just starts all over. Like groundhog day for the grieving process. I've prepared myself as much as I can for the blow, if he has someone else, if he has children. But I'm starting to think if I don't get some sort of closure, I'm gonna go insane."

"And if he doesn't want them? If he's changed over the years? What then?"

Carol sat her glass down and pulled her legs up on the chair so she could wrap her arms around them. Biting her lip she tried to imagine him turning his own children away. She tried to imagine him telling her that he didn't want her and he didn't want them. She couldn't do it. "Even if he doesn't want me, which is a huge possibility considering he disappeared after getting on a plane, he'd never turn them away. Not in a million years."

"Are you sure of that?"

Carol nodded. "I'm positive."


	5. Chapter 5

**I am so sorry that this is so late! I've had a really hectic few days, dealing with real life stuff and then last night the damn site wouldn't load! Anyway, I know you're getting really impatient and I don't blame you at all but we're getting closer! lol That's about all I can say. I'm gonna try to update again tonight, just because I totally flaked on all of you for the last 3 days. Thanks for reading! **

**Chapter Five **

Merle wanted to get high. He hadn't felt that way in a long time but he did now. Things were too fucking heavy for him right now. He thought about keeping this discovery to himself. He thought about it all damn night until he had finally fallen into a fitful sleep.

Then he dreamed of that boy. The kid didn't say a word, much like he had when Merle had met him, but the look on his face was as accusing as the look he would catch Daryl giving him sometimes when he didn't know Merle was paying attention.

When he woke up he knew what he had to do. And he knew what was going to happen once he did it. He was going to lose his brother.

Tearing the boy away from his girl was one thing. Merle had done it gladly and even though guilt eventually set in when he realized how badly he had hurt his brother, he was still glad that he had done it. Daryl had needed to be with family and Merle was his goddamn family. He had been a fucking kid! But now he was going to learn that he'd knocked up that girl and he had missed out on being with his very own son. Merle had ripped him away from his own flesh and blood and that wasn't something he would ever get forgiveness for.

So now he wanted to get high. And he would too. As soon as Daryl realized what Merle's actions had cost him, he would tell him to get the hell out of his life and then Merle would do just that. He was going to go to his old buddy's house and he was going to get smashed and he was going to forget about all the fucking heartache he had caused. And all the fucking heartache he would feel. Because it was going to hurt. Daryl had something else out there, and he had for a long time, but the only thing Merle had ever had was his brother. He didn't want to let him go. He didn't want to give the girl and that kid to him, because it would cost Merle everything he cared about. But keeping him away from them, that just wasn't an option. God, he wished like hell that it was.

"What the hell you doin' up, Merle?" Daryl asked as he padded into the kitchen, rubbing his eyes with his hair sticking up at odd ends, looking very much like a twelve year old kid. It wasn't even daylight yet.

Merle looked away, into his cup. "We ain't goin' to work today, little brother."

Daryl stopped rubbing his eyes and peered at him from under a fringe of hair. "I ain't missed a goddamn day in five years. I ain't startin' now."

Merle sighed. He had expected this to happen so he was prepared for it. "I lied to you yesterday."

Daryl's eyes narrowed and he turned his back as he fixed himself a cup of coffee. His body was tense now, like he was waiting for a blow. "So all that shit you were talkin' about, bein' tore up about what you did to your friend, you made that up?"

"No," Merle shook his head, "I didn't make it up but you and me both know how I handle shit. Had Walsh stop at one of my old suppliers house before comin' back and I got myself a little taste."

Daryl nearly broke the mug as he slammed it down on the table, causing coffee to slosh over the rim. "You ain't never gonna change, are you?" He asked bitterly. "You don't even understand what I gave up to come back here, Merle. Why the fuck can't you at least try to sacrifice a little bit yourself? Why the fuck do you have to be so goddamn selfish?"

Merle shrugged. "Thing is, I want more."

Daryl looked disgusted. "That's how it goes."

"There's a place in Atlanta that I need you to take me to today. Got myself a sponsor and everything. I just need you to take me down there. I called Russel and told him that I needed some time, explained everything to him. He appreciated me giving it to him straight so he gave you a little time off and he cleared you for a few days too."

"Rehab?" Daryl asked, the disbelief clear in his voice.

Merle nodded. "I fell off the wagon but I can get back on it with some help." Goddamn he almost couldn't say that with a straight face. And he could have just told Daryl everything now. He could have, but he wouldn't. He knew that time was running out for him and he wanted to try to drain every minute out of it. Even if the ride was going to be a tense one, he wanted it.

"When do we gotta go?" Daryl asked, unable to hide the suspicion in his voice.

"Soon as you get ready," he said, meeting his eyes and holding them.

Daryl stood up then, breaking the stare. "You ain't fuckin' around? You're gonna finally get help?"

Merle nodded and for once, he really didn't feel very bad about the lie.

~H~

Carol woke up earlier than usual, feeling sick to her stomach. She had a slight headache and her muscles ached. That was the last time she was ever going to drink that much wine. A hot shower had her feeling a little better and a few Tylenol finished the job. She didn't bother getting dressed for the day, opting for a pair of comfortable pajamas. No one would be out here to visit and she wasn't going anywhere. She was giving herself the day off. She went to the kids rooms and peaked in but they were both still sleeping soundly.

She went to the breakfast nook and sat down at the table, trading her normal coffee for some peppermint tea to sooth what was left of her sour stomach. Avery would sleep until noon. That was what Avery did when she stayed here. Carol had tried to talk her into staying in the guest bedroom but Avery insisted on dashing through the back yard, through the rain, to get to the small guest house on the other side of the pool.

Her eyes went to the glass wall but only darkness pressed against it.

She had lied to Avery, probably for the first time in her life. Avery had asked her how she would be if she discovered Daryl had someone else, possibly another family, and she had said that she would be okay. But she wouldn't be okay at all. Maybe she had been naive to stay faithful to a man that seemed more like a phantom than a man now, but she had. She had held on to his memory for so long that it was almost like a physical thing. He was with her all the time. She was a woman very haunted by a ghost, by memories of their time together. She had changed so much out there, had learned a lot about herself and her capacity to feel love. What they had shared went beyond her own basic understanding and she couldn't let it go. She wanted to. She wanted to meet a nice guy and have fun with him and maybe even love him, because it would have stopped the hurt. The constant hurt. But she couldn't do it. Couldn't let go of what she had felt out there with Daryl. What she still felt.

Maybe things would be different if she didn't have the kids. Maybe she could have let go. But she did have the kids and they were a constant reminder of the boy that had left her. But that wasn't exactly true either. Even without them she was sure that she would never forget him or what they had felt for one another. She would never be able to move on. Not from what they had shared.

But she wouldn't tell Avery that. Her feelings for him were just as strong now as they had been the day they had parted ways and it didn't make any sense. But it didn't have too. It was just how things were.

~H~

Daryl didn't feel bad for not trusting his brother. The asshole had relapsed over and over ever since he left the military. He would do okay for a few months and at the drop of a hat he would turn right back to that old vice.

This was the first time he'd ever asked Daryl for any kind of help, though. He wouldn't tell Merle no. He would help him any way he could, even though he knew that it wasn't going to work. Merle wasn't ever going to kick the drugs for good because he didn't want to. A man had to want to get better before he could. Merle didn't want it.

"Tell me again why the fuck we're out here in the sticks? I know there ain't no rehab place out here. I used to hunt these woods back before we moved."

Merle grunted. "I have to check in with my sponsor first. They want to meet you."

Daryl scowled. "What? What the fuck they wanna meet me for? I ain't the goddamn drug addict!"

Merle shrugged. "You're suppose to be my support system. I guess they wanna tell you all about how you're suppose to handle me with fluffy kid gloves instead of bein' a judgmental dick all the time."

He couldn't help it. He laughed. "This is comin' from the same son of a bitch that tells people his kid brother is gay just cause I ain't like you, out shakin' my dick at every piece of ass that happens to look half interested. You gotta lot of nerve, Merle."

Merle grinned but it didn't last very long. The smile faded and that look came over him again. The one that Daryl had caught in his eyes since yesterday. "Yeah, well, maybe you didn't have to shake it at every piece, but you coulda shook it at a few anyway. God knows the girls fall all over that shy awkward bullshit you got goin'."

Daryl knew he was kidding but it didn't sound like it. If he didn't know any better he'd swear that Merle sounded... sad. He'd never heard that tone and he hoped that after this, he never had to hear it again. It made him uneasy. Merle didn't get sad. Merle got raging fucking pissed off. That was just how he was. But this wasn't anger. "You sure you wanna do this? You look like somebody ran over your kitten or somethin'."

Merle didn't say anything for a long time and when he did speak it wasn't to answer the question. "Before you meet these people today I gotta tell you somethin', alright?"

Daryl felt himself tense at the tone. He nodded, knowing that this was serious and he needed to keep his mouth shut and listen.

"I'm sorry, alright? I'm sorry I guilted your ass into comin' back to Georgia. I shouldn't have done it. You was alright out there and I was just pissed off that you wasn't with me and that shit wasn't right. You ain't been okay since you got off that plane and that shit is my fault."

Daryl's jaw clenched hard enough to hurt and he kept his eyes on the road. What was he suppose to say? Was he suppose to say that it was okay? Was he suppose to tell him that he was fine with how things turned out? He woke up every fucking day wondering where she was. Wondering if she was okay. Hoping to God she was happy. And knowing, knowing he would never know because Merle made bad calls and insured that he'd never see her again. Did he lie?

He was glad that Merle finally apologized, five years later. He appreciated the sentiment and all but all he could think was, what goddamn good was a sorry when his whole future was a fucking joyless, monotonous fucking abyss? Finally he shrugged, knowing how hard it had been for Merle to admit he had been wrong. "It is what it is, Merle. Ain't no turning back the clock."

Merle swiped his hand over his face and shook his head. "Nah. No turnin' back the clock. It's this driveway here on the left."

Daryl pulled down a blacktopped drive, trees stretching out on either side of the winding lane. He had the strangest feeling in the pit of his stomach. He couldn't explain it because he had never felt it before. He did his best to ignore it but the further he drove, the more intense it got.

Something was about to happen. Something big. He could feel it.


	6. Chapter 6

**Hello again. This chapter scares the hell out of me. When you build up for something like this all you can do is hope like hell that you delivered and I'm still not sure if I did. So, be easy on me if it doesn't end up like you wanted. Just know that I tried. I agonized over this damn chapter for a long time. So, here's to hoping like hell you enjoy it! Thank you all for reading! **

**Chapter Six **

Carol cried. It was the stupidest thing and she hadn't done it in a long time but that morning she had sat there and she had cried like she hadn't cried in years. She knew why. All this time she had been able to imagine his life and she would always pretend that he was out there somewhere thinking about her. It had helped sooth the ache that seemed to never go away.

Now Avery had gotten involved and she knew that whoever that infuriating woman had hired was going to find him. She would be seeing him soon. She could feel it. And it scared her more than anything else ever had in her whole life. Clinging to his memory for so long, raising his children on her own... what if he hadn't thought about her at all? What would that do to her? She didn't want to find out because it scared her. It scared her how much she loved someone that had been away from her for much longer than he had been with her.

He could be anyone now. The last time she had seen him he had been eighteen years old. He could have done so many different things with his life by now.

She went to the bathroom and stared at her reflection in the mirror. She shook her head, cursing herself. Her eyes were puffy and red and her hair was a complete mess and her silk pajamas were rumpled.

She pressed a cold wash cloth to her eyes and stood there for a long time, forcing herself to push back all of these thoughts so she could get through her day with a smile on her face. As of right now, she was all her kids had and she would fight through and be happy for them like she had been doing since they were old enough to notice how sad she was. Her job was to keep them happy and by God that was what she was going to do. Seeing her like this, letting herself get like this in the first place, didn't help anything.

With a deep cleansing breath she stepped back out into the hall just in time to hear a heavy knock at the door. She looked up at the clock on the wall and frowned. Who would be pounding on her door like that at seven in the morning? It was rude!

Forgetting about her puffy eyes and messy hair and wrinkled pajamas she stormed to the door and yanked it open without even looking to see who it could be. The nerve of some people! If this early morning visitor woke the kids up then she was going to-

She froze. Every muscle in her body locked up, literally jolting her frame. Her heart slammed hard against her ribs as her wide eyes took in the shocked and stricken face of Daryl Dixon. She knew this wasn't real. She was either having a vivid dream or she was still drunk or, maybe, just maybe, she had finally lost her mind, because she knew that life was cruel and hard and would never give this to her. After all of the heartbreak she wouldn't be able to just open her front door and see him standing there. She wanted to look away but she was afraid. Afraid that whatever this was, trick of the mind or a cruel dream, wouldn't last if she dared look away.

He opened his mouth like he wanted to say something but he was as frozen as she was. It was becoming clear that somehow he had shown up on her doorstep without knowing it was her doorstep at all.

She tried to speak when words failed him. "I... How did..." Her voice cracked and she closed her mouth again, fresh tears welling up in her eyes before she could even try to blink them away. They spilled over. Before she knew what she was doing she threw herself at him, her arms locking around his neck as a sob sent a shudder through her.

~H~

Daryl was pretty sure that Merle had spiked his coffee with some seriously potent shit. He couldn't breathe. His chest was tight and he seemed to be cased in cement other than his hands that had started shaking. He had barely been able to wrap his mind around the fact that she was standing there right in front of him before she slammed into his chest, a broken sound leaving her as her body shook.

He didn't hesitate. Maybe his mind was slow to process the situation but his body knew what to do. His arms went around her and that only made her hang on to him harder. He was finally able to take in a shuddering breath and her scent clouded his head like a fog. Memories that he had kept buried rushed up to the forefront of his mind. And he didn't try to fight them like he usually did. He tightened his hold on her, his mind spinning, his heart thundering fast and hard and the emotions roiling through him had him reeling. This couldn't be real. There was no way that this was real and when he woke up, it was gonna be fucking agony unlike any he'd suffered yet.

So, if he was gonna go through it anyway, he may as well do it thoroughly. He opened up the flood gates and finally, after all this time, nearly drowned in memories of that road trip that lead to that month in the desert. Her smile, the way the red-orange sky at sunset turned her eyes almost violet, the sound of her voice. He remembered how it had felt being with her, how easy it was to laugh, how her hands felt sliding through his hair as he laid on the hard ground with his head in her lap. Knowing he was good enough. Knowing that his whole world was centered around her and knowing it was okay. It was all so clear in his mind. All of it washed over him in a wave that left him stunned.

Her face was buried in the crook of his neck, hot tears scalding his throat and soaking into his shirt. He dropped his head to her shoulder, unable to get enough of that distinct smell that was all Carol. She was shaking in his arms so he tightened his hold on her even more, knowing he was probably hurting her at this point but he couldn't let go. He was hit with this overwhelming fear that if he let her go, she would either evaporate before his eyes like a mist or crumble into pieces like glass, just another pile of broken dreams, just like the ones he'd been living with for a long time now.

Eventually he let himself believe that this was, in fact, actually happening. He didn't know how the hell this was happening and he couldn't even bring himself to care. All he could think was how lighter it felt now that years worth of remorse was suddenly lifted off his shoulders.

"Mama?"

His eyes snapped open and he lifted his head. A little girl stood in the doorway, auburn hair in disarray, blue eyes the same shade and shape as Carol's growing wide and fearful. She had a smattering of freckles across her cheeks and the bridge of her nose. He had never paid much attention to kids before but the one standing here now had to be the most beautiful little girl he'd ever seen, and it was clear who she belonged , Jesus, he knew what this meant. Carol made a strange sound and then pulled away.

That was when all of his new found hope shattered into pieces. She had a daughter. She _had_ moved on. Somewhere in the house was probably a husband about to find him out there on the porch, clinging to something that didn't belong to Daryl anymore. He thought that never seeing her again was a bleak existence. But this was much worse. In his head, when he had seen her standing there, he thought that meant that he had her back. He thought it meant that things would be okay... but it didn't mean that at all and the pain was sickening. He was sure he was going to be sick.

She pulled away, meeting his eyes and he saw, through the remnants of shock, the unmistakable regret. He let his arms drop, hanging limply at his sides and then she turned. "Morning Lily," she said, her voice like a lash across his heart. God he had missed that sound.

"You're crying," the little girl said, looking from Carol to him.

"I'm okay. Everything is okay," Carol said, turning.

"You got a little girl?" Daryl said, his voice almost too soft for him to even hear it.

Carol took in a shaking breath as she nodded. She knelt down and smoothed the girl's hair down. "I need to talk to this man for a minute, okay? Go inside, tell your brother I'll be in in just a minute, alright?"

The girl glanced up at him again. "Are you some kinda robber or somethin' here to steal all our stuff?"

He couldn't find his words again so he shook his head. The little girl had a brother. Carol had a family. She had a life and he wasn't a part of it. The lump in his throat felt like he'd swallowed a hot golf ball and all he wanted to do now was leave, to take off, like maybe he could outrun the pain if he could just get his legs to move.

Carol's words seemed to pacify the girl so she turned around and hurried back into the house. Once the door was closed Carol turned, her arms wrapping around herself. "How is this even possible?" She asked, her eyes searching his.

He took a cautious step away from her, not wanting to stand too close anymore because he had no right to touch her and everything inside of him was screaming to do just that. "I don't know," he said, his voice low.

"We need to talk. I moved back here to find you. There's a lot I need to explain," she said, her own voice halting like she was searching for words.

"You have kids?"

She nodded. "I do."

"Are you married?" He asked, the words tasting vile on his tongue.

She shook her head. "No. You?"

He shook his head, a spark of hope returning.

She looked relieved. "I don't know how to do this. I've had this conversation with you a thousand times, a million times in my head but I..."

She closed her mouth and turned as the door opened again. He looked up, expecting the little girl to come back out but it was someone different.

"Lily said you were cryin' and there was some man out here. What's goin' on?"

Daryl thought that he had gotten past all of the emotional shocks that he could take in one morning but nothing, not even seeing Carol after all these years, could compare to the impact that seeing this kid had. The wind left him in a painful rush as his lungs constricted. His throat felt swollen and he couldn't replace the breath that was knocked out of him.

The kid was a little bigger than the girl, dark blonde hair, narrowed eyes the color of his own. His lips were set in an angry line. His ears, his nose, his mouth... the curve of the kids jaw... Daryl had seen pictures of himself from when he was a kid and it was like looking at a living breathing version of himself standing right in front of him. The kid kept looking at him suspiciously and then he started chewing his nail.

Carol reached down and pulled the boys hand down from his face. "Jake, honey, I'm fine. I need a minute to..." Her voice was barely calm.

Daryl took a step back and then another, anger, panic, remorse, guilt, a crushing fucking pain engulfing him and telling him to flee. To get away so he could process what this meant. But he knew what it meant. This kid was his. He had a kid. He had a fucking son that he didn't know and who didn't know him. All these years and she'd been... he hadn't realized that he had been backing up until his foot came down on nothing and he actually fell down the porch steps.

He landed on his back hard but he sat up quickly. He heard the truck door slam shut. He watched Carol hurry down the steps out of the corner of his eye but he couldn't take his eyes off the boy. Not until he turned and went back into the house, a slight smirk on his lips because he'd just watched a grown up fall ass over tea kettle down the steps.

Merle was there, pulling him off the ground and that was when everything truly clicked in his head. He jerked out of Merle's grip spun around and shoved him so hard Merle barely caught himself. Daryl wasn't done. All of those feelings morphed into a dark rage and it was all aimed at his brother.

"What the fuck did you do?" Daryl snarled.

Merle held his hands up, refusing to fight. "I didn't know, little brother."

Daryl glared at the man, his breath coming in ragged pants and then he felt a hand close over his arm, stopping him before he had a chance to punch Merle right in the face. "You didn't know? That all you got?" Daryl yelled.

Merle shook his head. "I didn't know," he repeated.

"Can we talk about this?" Carol said, her voice filled with worry.

Daryl shook his head, trying to come to terms with everything he had just learned but thoughts just continued to tumble through his mind. "It wouldn't have mattered if you knew and you know it. You're a selfish piece of shit. You take and you take and you don't give a fuck about what happens to anybody. About what happens to_ me_. You do what's good for you at the moment. There's a fuckin' kid in there that's mine! And you... I have a _son_ that..." Saying those words out loud seemed to defuse the anger. "Go," he said, looking down at his boots and blinking back angry tears.

"How you gonna get home?" Merle asked, his voice even.

"I ain't. Take the fuckin' truck, Merle. Take the fuckin' house and every goddamn thing in it. You ever come near me again and I swear to God you'll have to fuckin' kill me to keep me from blowin' your brains out." He heard the conviction in his own voice.

"You just need some time to get your head clear," Merle said as he backed towards the truck.

Daryl scoffed. "Time? You tellin' me I need time and eventually I'll not fuckin' hate you for this? Like I can get back everything you caused me to lose? I'll tell you what, Merle. You give me back the last five years, you give me that, and maybe we'll be okay. Till you figure out a way for that to happen, you ain't got a fuckin' brother no more."


	7. Chapter 7

**I really appreciate you all letting me know that you enjoyed the last chapter. I know I have readers on the fence about how harsh I'm being with Merle. It's totally understandable but remember that I love him too! I'm not a fan of prolonging a favorite character's torment. lol Even when it seems like I am! I hope you enjoy this chapter as well and thank you, as always, for reading! =)**

**Chapter Seven **

Carol watched as a flash of pain crossed Merle's eyes but he quickly shut it down. He gave Daryl a brief nod and then turned, getting back in the truck without a backwards glance. He was the one that was here about the job on the pool. He'd seen Jake and realized who she must have been. He had gone inside to use the bathroom and could have seen one of the photos of Daryl that she had hanging up.

Once the truck was out of site Daryl turned to her and then his eyes went back to the house. The torment there had her looking away. She couldn't imagine what he must be going through. All of this was so sudden and the hits were just going to keep on coming for him today. She reached up, her hand going to the side of his face, like it was the most natural thing in the world. He grabbed her wrist and for a few seconds she was afraid that he didn't want her to touch him. She remembered how skittish he had been that first day she had met him. But then he pulled her towards him and she was suddenly crushed against his chest.

"I'm so fuckin' sorry," he muttered into her hair and she didn't know what to say.

"Me too," she said, finally pulling back and taking note of the physical changes in him, the broadness of his shoulders and the heavy weight of his arms. She trailed her fingers down his forearms and then gripped his hands hard. "But you're here now and that has to count for something."

He studied her for a few long moments and then looked back towards the house.

She looked down, studying her bare feet and the grass stained silk of her pajama bottoms. "Lily is yours too." She looked up, finally meeting his eyes. "She just looks more like me. But you're in there, if you look hard enough."

He frowned, his gaze still flicking between her and the house. "I think I woulda remembered makin' another one, Carol," his voice cracked.

She forced a smile. "Twins. Fraternal twins. I found out about two months after you left."

"Jesus fuckin' Christ," he breathed, running his hands through his hair, fingers locking at the back of his head, the look on his face was breaking her heart. Whether he wanted to be a father or not, it was clear he was drowning in guilt and he was drowning in regret and she wanted nothing more than to pull him out of the deep end. "I didn't know. I wouldn't have left or I woulda brought you back here. I..." He shook his head. They had been walking back towards the house and now he sat down heavily on the steps.

She sat down next to him taking him in and letting him sort through his thoughts. His hands were shaking so hard that she wanted to take them in hers but she didn't. She simply waited, giving him a moment. She drank him in. He lost a lot of those boyish features. He looked... harder. Like maybe he had lived a lot of heartache. His eyes were more haunted now than they had been the day she had met him. Hell, they were more haunted now than they had been the moment she opened the door and seen him. The pain was clear and so was the fear.

"Jake is a lot like you. He wont stop talking about the woods. I took them the other day. He gets quiet like you used to. Lily has a lot of sass and she's a Tom boy so, if you want to know them, you'll probably have a lot of fun with her..."

He looked over quickly his eyes searching hers. "'Course I wanna know'em. Jesus, Carol!"

She nodded, feeling relieved. This was one of her biggest fears. And now she had to face another one. "I called the day after I got to Palm Springs. I called every day after that but the number wasn't right. I tried to find you online. You got on a plane and you vanished. What happened?"

He stared off for a few long moments before he answered. "Merle. He already had another place. The phone was turned off and we moved out the day after I got back. I didn't know where you would be."

She had always wondered if he had simply decided that he didn't want to be with her. Hearing this, she felt like there was really hope for them. For all of them. She took a deep breath and held it, building her courage. "Is there anyone else? A woman waiting for you somewhere that's probably going to be mad that you're here?"

He snorted, shaking his head. "Nah. Nothin' like that. Not from lack of Merle tryin' though." He paused and then looked away. "Do they know about me? About why I ain't been around?"

She smiled then, nodding. "They do. They know that you're a good man and they know you would have been around if you could. It was only this year that they realized they didn't... they didn't have a dad around. I would take them to the park and other kids would be there with their fathers. They started asking questions. I started answering them as best as I could."

He dropped his head. "So, is some pissed off boyfriend gonna come out and try to kick me off his porch? Cause if he tries I can't promise I won't break his arms."

She smiled. "No one. I've never even gone out on the first date with another man. I was always hoping..." she flushed and looked down.

"Me too," he mumbled.

She shook her head. "You don't have to say that, Daryl. I'm not stupid."

He shook his head, a little color coming back to his face. "I thought about it. You know? Thought that maybe if I just tried to be with somebody else that it would finally make me start to forget. I can't even explain how fuckin' hard it was, every day, but I knew that it wouldn't have worked. And I just didn't want anybody else. So, I just dealt with it the best I could and I worked a lot." He chuckled a little, shaking his head, "Ain't nobody out there could have taken your place. I'm still a goddamn basket case and you're the only person I'd ever let in. With you gone, I locked it back up."

She blinked back more traitorous tears. He had never stopped loving her.

"Carol, I don't know what the fuck I'm doin'. I ain't never even been around kids."

"I hadn't either. And then all of a sudden there I was, nineteen years old with two babies. It's different when they're yours. I had to do a lot of growing up but it was worth it. They're great and they're so smart. They're funny and kind and I've always had a part of you with me."

"I can't fuckin' believe him," he said bitterly, shaking his head, running his hands over his face again.

"He didn't know. None of us knew," she said, finally grabbing his hand.

"I didn't think you could," he said, not sounding accusing at all.

"I was an idiot. I ran out of pills. I didn't even think about it really. Living out there in the back of the van was kind of surreal. It was like every day was some kind of dream or something. You lose track of things like remembering to take your birth control. I don't regret it. I love them. They made my life so better than it could have ever been."

"Mom?"

They both looked over their shoulders. Jake was still eyeing Daryl with a suspicious glint in his eyes but when he looked at her they softened. She smiled at the boy. "Let me guess, you're starved, huh?"

He nodded. "You're takin' forever."

She stood up, turning to head up the steps but paused, her hand on Daryl's shoulder. "Do you need a minute?"

He looked up and nodded gratefully. "Yeah. I ought to just sit here and wrap my head around this."

"Just come on in when you're ready. We're not going anywhere."

He blew out a breath and covered her hand with his, squeezing her fingers for a few long seconds as he gazed out at the yard. She left him there to collect himself before he officially met his children. She had no idea how to go about doing that.

~H~

He heard the door close lightly behind him and he dropped his head into his hands, willing his heart to slow down before he passed out. Too much had happened too damn fast. He had two fucking kids. Two! How the hell was he going to be a dad when he never had one, Merle's influence was awful and he didn't know the first thing about them? He was only twenty three years old for fuck's sake!

And as of this very moment he was homeless and didn't even have a vehicle to get his ass back to Augusta so he could go to work in the morning. He didn't even know who's house this was. Was she staying with some rich relative that she forgot to mention?

He had to go in there. Even though it was the scariest fucking thing he ever faced down in his whole life, he had no choice. He'd never thought about having kids. He'd never really thought about much besides getting by one day at a time. Now he was somebody's dad. _Two _somebody's dad. And that was too much to wrap his head around. He had a little girl. He had a son that, as far as he could tell, was him made over.

He stood up, unsure how long he had been out there. She had told him to come on in so whoever owned the place must have known he was already there. He stood there with his hand on the knob for a few more long cowardly moments and then he finally opened it and went inside, taking his first tentative steps into a whole new fucking world. But he would make this work. He would make sure they knew him, that he cared about them already. Somewhere in here were two lives that he'd helped actually create. It was the strangest damn feeling in the world. How could he love two people that he didn't even know yet? And he knew he did. They were less than a half an hour old in his mind but he'd do anything for them. All those old fears, the fear of turning into his own father somehow, disappeared and he felt a little stronger. More determined.

~H~

Merle started off by stopping at the first liquor store and buying the biggest bottle of whiskey he could find. Before he left Atlanta he stopped by the house of one of his old connections. The man didn't deal with crank anymore but he had a hefty supply of smack. But fuck it. Escape was escape, right? By the time he left the city he had dropped $400.

Daryl's reaction hadn't surprised him in the least. He had known exactly how he was going to feel and that was why he said his peace before he ever had his brother walk up to that door. Usually Merle wasn't too big on self sacrifice. The only thing it had ever accomplished was heartache. Either for himself or for whoever he was doing the sacrificing for. But he'd watched from the truck, saw the woman throw herself right at him and he half expected Daryl to toss her onto her ass, but he hadn't. Even from Merle's vintage point he saw the boy nearly crush the life out of the girl. He hadn't been able to believe his damn eyes. Right there it seemed like years worth of damage had just washed away.

He hadn't wanted to move to Augusta back then but he'd known that whatever had happened in that house between his little brother and the old man, but he knew it was the cause of his brother leaving. It had to have been worse than Merle ever imagine for Daryl to have just ran out and never came back. He had wanted to do the right thing and get Daryl away from that house where it had all happened. He wanted his brother to have a fresh start in a new house, with a job lined up.

And in doing that he had crushed the kid. Merle had been so sure that his brother would get over it. No piece of ass in the world was worth the heartache that the boy was dealing with. He had known it wouldn't last. Then after the second year, he'd known that he had fucked up big time. It hadn't been intentional but it had done a lot of damage to his brother. And his brother had been damaged enough without his help.

But his hands had been tied. There had been no way he could have hunted the girl down. Daryl hadn't ever even dared mention her name.

So when he had seen that little boy and then he had seen those pictures in that house he had put two and two together and came to the horrifying realization that the damage he had caused was much worse than he ever thought. And so he made it right. He'd had his brother drive right up to the doorstep. Watched him walk away from that goddamn truck knowing that when he looked at Merle again, everything was going to be much worse than it ever had been before.

And he hadn't underestimated him. Daryl would have knocked his fucking teeth out if the girl hadn't stopped him. And Merle had taken it wordlessly.

_"__Till you figure out a way for that to happen, you ain't got a fuckin' brother no more."_

Merle flinched and gripped the wheel harder when his brother's words sounded in his head. He reached over and grabbed the bottle, twisting off the cap with his teeth and taking a long pull, the fire in his stomach and throat momentarily drowning out his brother's voice. It didn't matter that he still had thirty minutes to drive before he was finally home. He really couldn't stand the thought of facing that house sober.

He was lucky enough not to get pulled over on his way there. He grabbed his score and headed to the door. Once he was inside he kicked it closed and went to the kitchen, readying his first hit of the day with trembling fingers.

He earned this. He'd done the right thing and he had lost his brother, probably for good. If he wanted to dull the pain of that loss then fuck sobriety. He laughed and turned up the bottle again, slamming it on the table hard enough to jar it.

He didn't need Daryl's bullshit anyway. He was constantly on his ass about shit that didn't have a damn thing to do with him and it got on Merle's fucking nerves.

He sat down, his eyes raking over the dope he was about to inject into his veins. This was gonna be fine. This was gonna be a new start to a new Merle. He didn't fucking need Daryl and he didn't need to know the boy, either. He had his own life to live and by God now he was finally going to get to do it without having to deal with Daryl's stupid shit.

"This is a good thing," he mumbled, pushing the plunger, loosening the belt that he'd tied around his arm and then leaning his head back into the chair as that sweet toxin worked its way into his blood, dulling the ache, finally giving him a reprieve from the guilt.


	8. Chapter 8

**Woke up to no water due to a main break, but I still have internet despite the flooding so I'll keep my complaints to a minimum! I hope you enjoy this chapter! Thanks for reading! **

**Chapter Eight **

Daryl found the kitchen pretty easily. All he had to do was follow his nose. He took in the décor, noting the quality of the wood and stonework that made up the walls of the inside just like the outside. A huge fireplace dominated one wall, the exposed beams seemed to glow as the early morning sunlight poured in from the huge windows.

He stopped in the wide doorway that led into the kitchen, leaning his shoulder against the frame as his eyes took in the scene before him. He felt like an intruder as he stared at them. The kids were sitting at the table, eating. His mind was just a little bit more clear, his emotions in check for now, but his chest felt strange. He was still scared to death. He still wasn't sure where he was suppose to fit in to this scene. It was such a normal situation, a family about to share a meal together, and yet things like that were so foreign to him that it was almost fascinating to see it, because this was what he would have been a part of for a long time now if he had found them sooner. It made him sad for the kid that he had been because he had never been a part of anything like this. She had managed, on her own, to create this safe world for her kids. For_ his_ kids. And no matter what happened to the two of them after today, he would never be able to repay her for that.

He watched as the boy glanced over to where Carol was standing in front of the stove with her back to them. He sat his fork down and then started eating scrambled eggs with his fingers. The girl gave him a disapproving look. Daryl found himself smiling slightly. He did the same thing. For some reason, it made the food-

"Jake, use your fork," Carol said, her back still to the table.

"It tastes better this way," the boy grumbled but he picked up his fork anyway.

He agreed with the kid. It did taste better but he wasn't about to say anything. He was still wondering how the hell she knew he'd sat the damn fork down to begin with.

"Aunt Avery said you look like a badly bred hillbilly when you did that," Lily said suddenly.

"Aunt Avery is a pompous bi-"

"Don't you dare think about finishing that sentence, Jake!" Carol turned then, spatula in hand as she eyed the boy. "Where do you learn this stuff?"

Lily laughed. "Avery," she answered with a grin.

Daryl saw it then. It was subtle but he was there mixed into the Lily's features. The girl did resemble him a little. Nothing like her brother but, Jesus, that boy's resemblance to him was flat out eerie. His eyes slid over to Carol as she groaned. "I should have known that. She's a bad influence on the both of you. You know good and well what words are bad words and what words aren't."

She had changed her clothes and put herself together and it was almost comical how she hadn't seemed to change at all since last time he had seen her. She looked like a fucking hippie and his heart ached a little when he remembered how much time had passed. He was still afraid that he was going to wake up. Still unable to wrap his mind around any of this actually happening to him. After all those years of dealing with that crushing loss, and then have it suddenly lifted, it was the strangest feeling in the world.

"Are you just gonna stand there staring or are you gonna eat somethin'?" Lily asked. "My mama is a real good cook now. She wasn't that good before but she went to school and learned how to feed us proper. Now it's really somethin'."

"I wasn't that bad," Carol grumbled.

Jake shook his head. "You wasn't that good either, mama."

Daryl felt his face flush when Carol turned her head and smiled. There was no way he would be able to eat anything right now. His stomach was in knots, but he went to the table anyway and sat down across from them. He knew that they didn't know who he was and he wasn't sure how the hell Carol was going to tell them, or when. They were only four years old. Would they blame him for not being around? Thank God they weren't a couple of angsty fucking teenagers. At least he hadn't missed out on _that_ much.

He had been around plenty of girls with daddy issues and he was gonna try like hell to make sure that this little girl never had any. Everything was still up in the air, though. He didn't know what the hell was going to happen. He needed to find a new place. If she didn't want to be with him then maybe she would let him have them on the weekends or something. He didn't know how to be their dad but he would learn fast, just like she had learned fast. He couldn't know he had kids and not try to be apart of their life.

The thought of her not wanting to be with him was dismissed as soon as he thought it, though. She had made it clear that she hadn't been with anyone else since he'd left her, and he hadn't been with anyone else since he'd left her and since they had two kids together it just made sense to just fucking be together. Surely she thought the same. But how the hell did they just pick up where they left off like that? Neither one of them were the same people that said goodbye that day.

Carol sat a plate down in front of him and then sat down in the chair with her own plate. There wasn't a whole lot on either and he knew that she was probably just as sick as he was over this whole thing.

"What's your name?" Lily asked suddenly, jerking him from his thoughts.

He glanced at Carol but she was just chewing her food and watching the girl. "Daryl," he said after a moment.

She beamed. "That's Jake's name."

His eyebrows raised. "Ain't his name Jake?"

Lily nodded. "That's his other name."

"He's got two names?" Daryl asked, keeping his eyes on Lily's.

She nodded. "Daryl Jacob Reynolds. She only calls him that when he's in deep trouble though. Mama said he's named after our dad but we haven't met him yet. There must be a lot of Daryl's around here if your name's Daryl too. Unless you're him. You look like Jake. A lot like him and even a little bit like me. And mama said that we would be able to find our dad easier if we moved here. My dad don't know about us yet so it's gonna be a surprise for him. So, can we stop looking for him now or are you just another Daryl and not the Daryl that's our dad?"

He swallowed and looked away. He wasn't sure what to say. What in the hell were the rules for situations like this? When a man was forced to sit across from his own children that he'd never even known existed and his little girl wanted answers, what the hell did a man say?

"Well?" The girl pressed.

Daryl felt panic crawl up his spine and he glanced at Carol for help. She met his eyes briefly and then she shrugged lightly like this wasn't some kind of big fucking deal. She had told them about him. They were probably too young to hold much against him for missing out on their life so far. He wasn't an expert but he was pretty sure that these two were wise beyond their years. Or maybe that was just how all parents felt. Jesus Christ, he was a parent...

He took a deep breath. He had to stop being a pussy. He looked back up and nodded at the girl who was waiting patiently for his answer. "I'm him."

"Bout time," Jake said suddenly, that suspicious glint in his eyes vanished. "Mom said when you showed up you'd teach me how to track. That true?"

He swallowed hard and nodded. "If you want."

"What about me?" Lily asked, her mouth full.

Jake answered before he could say anything. "You're a girl. You should just stay in the house and learn how to cook or somethin'."

The little girl looked completely outraged. "I can do anything you can do."

Daryl's brows went up. He thought about telling the boy that it was true, that his sister really could do anything that he could do, but he didn't know if that was a good idea. He was at a total loss so he decided that Carol could handle it.

Carol eyed the boy. "Jake, not all girls want to spend all their time in a kitchen. She can do everything you can do and do it just as well."

Jake shook his head. "Okay, then next time you go to the bathroom why don't you two try to piss standin' up. When you can do that, then you can go trackin' with us."

Carol was choking, reaching for her glass and Daryl, despite everything that had happened in the last hour or so, barked out a laugh that even startled himself. Jake grinned but Daryl realized his mistake when Lily turned her angry eyes on him.

Shit.

He cleared his throat. "You're mama can," he said, trying to placate the obviously angry kid.

Lily's eyes went wide and she stared at Carol, her mouth dropping. "You? You can piss standing up? How come you never taught me how to do that?"

Carol shook her head. "Stop saying piss! It's a bad word."

Daryl frowned at that. "How is piss a bad word?" He asked without really thinking. Carol eyed him, her gaze flicking towards the kids. He probably should have just kept his mouth shut. "I mean, it ain't as bad as fuck."

Carol's eyes widened.

Jake shook his head, like he knew that Daryl was really in for it now.

"Fuck don't sound bad," Lily said helpfully. "Are you sure you know what you're talking about, mama?"

Jake jumped right in, seeming to find his chance to help Daryl out. "She's right. Fuck sounds like duck or truck. What's so bad about it?"

Daryl sat there staring, not exactly surprised that he'd managed to turn his first breakfast with his kids into a cuss fest. He seriously had a lot to learn. "I'm guessin' that maybe none of us should say fuck. That one might actually be kind of a bad word. And I didn't mean that your mama could... piss standin' up, anyway. I meant that she can track." This wasn't so bad. He could sit here and talk to them like he wasn't some kind of freak that was scared shitless. Even though that was exactly what he was.

They both looked skeptical. "What?" Carol asked in mock outrage. "I'll have you know that me and him spent a month living out in the desert alone. We didn't have any electricity, phone, food, running water. We lived in the van and we hunted our meals and we had to boil water to drink. I can shoot, track, fish. You name it. But... I can _not_ piss standing up." She grinned at them.

"You never told us that!" Jake said, a look of pure aw on his face as he glanced between them.

"I was waiting for him," she said, nodding towards Daryl. "It wouldn't be fair to him if I got to tell you all the good stories. Now, if you two are done then run and brush your teeth and get dressed in the clothes I laid out for you. Avery's leaving this afternoon and she's taking the two of you out for lunch before she goes."

They both jumped out of their chairs and headed for the door, then they stopped at the same time, turning back to look at him, perfectly in sync. Jake was the one that spoke. "You're stayin' right? If we leave you'll be here when we get back?"

"I'll be here," he said, his voice rough from guilt. Jesus this was hard.

They grinned and then took off through the house. As soon as they left the room he looked at Carol nervously. She was staring right at him and she finally smiled. "I know you just got here but I thought maybe if my friend takes them for a while then I'll have time to explain some things to you." The smile turned into an outright grin. "You did amazing."

He snorted. "Treadin' water." He blew out a breath and ran a hand through his hair before he rested his elbows on the table. "I don't know how good I'm gonna be at this. I ain't got a whole lot to go on. The only thing my old man taught me was what not to do so I can go from there I guess."

"Are you absolutely sure you want them?" She asked, her eyes wide and searching. "I don't want you to think that you have to do this. You didn't ask for it."

He gaped at her. "And you did? I know it's been a long time but you fuckin' know me better than that. Jesus, Carol!" He scowled and shook his head. How could she think he wouldn't? He was still the same guy she knew five years ago. Maybe a little more bitter, but basically the same.

"I just don't want you feeling pressured into anything. This isn't how any of this was suppose to happen. I wanted to find you and I wanted to-"

"Stop," he said. "You think I'm some kinda dead beat dickhead?"

"Of course I don't think that. I was ninety five percent sure you would want them. Any number lower than that and I never would have told them about you to begin with."

"How the hell are they okay with all this. Ain't kids suppose to be bitter and..."

"They know you would have been around if you could. It wasn't lack of love that kept you away from them. They know that you just didn't know they were even out there."

He stared at his hands. There was a lot they needed to talk about and at this point he wasn't sure if they had enough time in the world to get things out in the open. "They're really somethin', huh?" And he meant it. He wasn't sure if he would ever get over this but it was good. He was going to do everything he could to make sure they knew that he was a good man. He didn't want them to ever question their worth. Because that, that was the most damaging thing a person could do to a kid. He was living proof of that.


	9. Chapter 9

**Sorry for the delay! I've been really busy the last few days! Hope you enjoy this chapter and thanks for reading! =)**

**Chapter Nine **

They spent the rest of the morning talking about what Daryl had been doing for the last five years and she felt bad for ever thinking he had moved on and started another family. For one, he was still too young to have a plan like that, even though he was already a father.

She had been nervous. No one could ever guess exactly what Avery would say in any given situation. It turned out, she had every reason to be nervous.

Avery breezed into the kitchen at fifteen minutes after noon, looking polished and groomed and as beautiful as she always looked. Carol suddenly felt embarrassed at the state she had been in when Daryl had first shown up on her doorstep. But that was how things were.

Avery had paused, staring at Daryl for so long he started fidgeting and turning red faced. Finally her eyes had slid over to Carol, a silent question in her gaze. Carol nodded slightly and then the kids ran in.

They had been in and out of the kitchen all morning, but that was normal. Only this morning they completely ignored Carol and went straight to Daryl. He was uncomfortable at first but he was starting to get the hang of them. They were smart and they understood things on a separate level than most children their age but they were still rowdy and they were comical.

"Our dad's finally here!" Lily said as she crashed into Avery's legs and hugged her around the waist.

"I see that. He hasn't screamed at you or given you ten lashes a piece for acting like mongrels, has he?" She asked in that thick accent of hers.

Daryl looked up sharply, a muscle in his jaw twitching and Carol flinched. Avery was only teasing but Carol could only imagine what the woman's innocent words must have conjured in his mind. Carol had kept his secrets so Avery had no idea about his own tragic childhood.

"He wouldn't do anything like that!" Lily said, a touch of anger in her voice. "He's nice!"

Avery smoothed her hair down and grinned. "Well that's good news." She looked up at Carol then. "Are you skipping lunch?"

Carol nodded. "There's some things we have to talk about."

"I would say so," Avery said in her most sultry voice. She eyed Daryl again.

Lily turned then and, in true Lily fashion, launched herself right onto Daryl's lap. He grunted in surprise and Carol raised a brow as the girl wiggled around so she was facing him, her small hands on his shoulders. He looked like a fish out of water with a child on his lap but eventually he seemed to relax a little. "At the park my friend Sam said her mom and dad live together. Are you gonna live with us?"

His eyes widened and he looked up at Carol for help. Carol offered him a reassuring smile. "Lily, we'll talk about that later, okay? Avery has a flight to catch this evening and you don't want her to miss it."

Lily nodded and surprised them all when her arms went around his neck, hugging him quickly. He barely had time to return the hug before she pulled back, "Bye, daddy!" She hopped off his lap and darted out of the room.

Daryl seemed stunned and Carol didn't blame him. Jake seemed to sense Daryl's obvious predicament because when he walked by he simply offered him a smile. "See ya," he said and then took off after his sister. Daryl stood up, his eyes darting to the doorway the kids had disappeared through and then he ran a hand over his face. Hearing her call him that had shaken him.

He looked terrified and so unsure of himself that she wanted to reassure him, but Avery was ready to pounce. Before Carol could tell her to go ahead and go before she actually did run out of time, Avery sidled up next to him, leaning into the table.

"It's good to finally meet the man behind the mystery," she said with a smile.

Carol couldn't help but roll her eyes at her friend. Avery had been modeling for six years and she was used to attention but Daryl wasn't the type to give it to her. He glanced up, nodded and then he looked at Carol.

"You're so bashful!" Avery laughed and tried to move in closer to him. He took a step back, his expression pleading for Carol to put a stop to this but Carol needed Avery to assure herself so she just stood there. When it came to her friend, he was on his own.

Avery wasn't a quitter, she moved so she was almost pressed into his side and he almost fell over the chair in his haste to get away from her touch. "Jesus, lady! What the hell?"

Avery looked confused when his eyes didn't linger on her. He looked at Carol again. Avery crossed her arms over her chest. "Okay, I've taken a severe blow to my ego but... he passed. I'm satisfied that he's worthy."

Daryl looked at Avery again but only because she had spoken. He didn't openly appraise her and he didn't seem very appreciative of what passed as her charm. "What?" He asked, incredulous.

Avery shrugged. "Carol is my best friend, my sister and my sanity in a very crazy world, love. If I even had a hint that you were swayed by my beauty, I would have thrown you out. Men are usually rather impressed with me. I've made a good living at impressing men." She grinned when Carol rolled her eyes.

"Well, you ain't my type."

Avery laughed, throwing her head back dramatically. "You're adorable. Really. And you may be telling the truth, but I am impressed with _you_. You're beautiful and you have a fabulous penis." She winked and walked past him calling over her shoulder. "I'll return the beasts by three. Have fun!"

Daryl looked horrified, his eyes wider than she'd ever seen them. Shocked at the brazen woman that was ushering the kids out the front door. "What the hell is that woman talking about? Should they even go with her? She's fuckin' insane!"

Carol waved him off. "She's harmless. And she loves them. She's only worried about your intentions."

"Intentions? The only goddamn intentions I had were findin' you! And I didn't even know how to do that! My stupid brother found you on accident! What? She think I came here in the hopes of getting laid and then just take off again!" His accent was thicker with his discomfort. "Is that why she said somethin' about my... junk?" He flushed.

She shook her head and tried to keep her face schooled. "She probably thinks you saw me on the news or something and now you're snooping around for a payday. You have to understand, Daryl. She doesn't understand why I couldn't move on with my life. She knows how much the last five years have... _hurt_. She's afraid that something is going to happen and I'm going to end up getting hurt even worse."

He looked away and she felt bad for making him feel even worse. She knew how bad it cut him to know that his own children didn't know him. That his daughter calling him dad had made him freeze up because he didn't know how to be one to them. But he had to understand that Avery was only scared for her. She was good at hiding it but Carol could see it in her eyes when she had looked at her. "If I had any idea how the hell to find you out there then I would have tried. I didn't know where you were. I didn't know how-"

"I know that and the kids know that and that's all that really matters. No one blames you for anything. They don't know you but they've loved the idea of you for a long time now. You're their father and they know it. They haven't gone without anything and they haven't felt unloved because you weren't around. Nothing like that. You're doing fine and you're gonna get better and better and eventually you'll get the hang of it. Being their parent is easy."

He shook his head. "I don't know how to be. And I should. I mean, they're mine so I should be able to jump right in and be who I need to be, right? Not fuckin' struggle. I don't know them. That's fucked up."

"No it's not fucked up," she said firmly. "You were right. You had no role model of your own and you didn't carry them inside you for months and you didn't raise them. There is no reason for you to walk in and then instantly feel like a father. But you're going to be a great one once the shock wears off. I know that without the slightest doubt in my mind. You are going to be good at this, I promise."

"You gotta lot of faith in a guy that disappeared on you," he muttered, a bitter self loathing edge to his tone.

"Come on," she said suddenly, grabbing his hand and pulling him through the doorway.

"Where the hell are we goin'?" He asked as she stopped in the living room next to the sofa.

"I'm showing you around. I kind of had you in mind when I bought the place. Pathetic, I know, but I was hoping if you did want to see me, you would like it."

He looked shocked. "Your place? This is your house?"

She nodded. "Who's house did you think it was?"

He shrugged. "Hell if I know." He looked around, seeming to take more interest in everything now that he knew it was the home she actually lived in. "I just thought you were stayin' with somebody else."

She pulled him to the mantle, reaching up and grabbed a round polished stone about the size of his fist. He recognized it instantly and the corner of his mouth came up when his eyes met hers. She beamed. "You remember?"

He nodded. She had insisted on taking a piece of their oasis with her when they had left and so she scoured the small river that poured into the lake until she was satisfied with the stone she found. He hadn't seemed to mind though. He had even picked up a couple himself but they hadn't been right. He'd teased her, saying he had never seen someone concentrate so hard on a damn rock before. "Took you forever to find that thing."

She nodded. "It had to be the right rock. Not just any old rock would do."

"Course not." He shook his head and let her pull him further into the house, stopping in the wide hallway. When he spotted the photos he sighed and an expression of longing caused his features to soften.

She was never more happy that she had documented so much of their time there in the desert. There were other photos too. The kids Birthday parties. Them playing at the beach. The longing turned to something like remorse when he saw those though so she pulled him further down the hall. She showed him the kids rooms and he actually laughed at the array of trucks and other boy toys that littered Lily's floor. He was intrigued when he saw that Jake's room was filled with everything that had to do with the woods. Wildlife posters adorned the walls and the camo décor seemed to impress him.

Her office caused him to whistle low as he ran a finger over the wooden desk. "So you really did it. You went out there and did everything you wanted to do. Even though you were takin' care of two kids on your own."

She nodded. "Avery helped a lot. She took me under her wing. There is something I need to tell you and I think you might get a little mad," she said, dreading this part.

He looked up curiously.

"I was meeting people and I made an impression on some really big names in the business. I just wasn't showing them enough of my work. I tried. I was scared because it was getting closer and closer to time for the kids to be born and I didn't really have the means to take care of them and all of my profits from my minor sales went to doctor bills and trying to keep afloat..." She was jabbering on and he was watching her patiently. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Daryl, I sold the pictures that I took in the room that night," she said in a rush.

He stood there, his eyes widening slowly and the blood seeming to drain from his face. "You what?" he asked, sounding much more calm than he looked, like he was hoping that he had simply heard her wrong.

"There was this photography book in the works and I knew that... I knew that those photos would make it in. Not just the quality of the pictures but the... the feeling in them. It wasn't staged. It was..."

"You put them in a book? For people to buy?" He choked.

She looked down at her bare feet. "I wouldn't have if it wasn't for the kids. I wanted to keep them, just to keep them. They were so good."

"You sold pictures of us... Carol, that was... we were... Oh my fucking God! Merle has to know! Out of the blue he just looks up and asked if I've ever done porn. Jesus, everybody can just see! You deleted them! I saw you delete them!"

She shook her head. "Not before I developed them. And no one knows who the pictures are of. You seen them yourself! They don't even know I'm in them! I promise."

"You showed your friend my dick!"

She felt her face grow hotter and hotter. "She got into my portfolio without me knowing and seen the ones that weren't filtered.

He didn't say anything for a long time and she finally found the courage to look up. He was staring at her, his eyes narrowed.

She bit her lip and stared at him from under her lashes, hoping that the look still had the same effect on him now that it had back then. Slowly he seemed to thaw out and he shook his head. "I guess, in a way, I helped take care of them a little," he finally said.

She nodded. "You did. Those pictures are the foundation of every dollar I've ever made."

"You sold my ass to make a dollar. You know how fucked up that sounds."

She nodded. "I kind of sold our virginity to the masses to insure I could raise our kids... since you were barely even old enough to get a real job at the time."

"I could probably sue you for that, you know. I was just an innocent kid."

"Well... you didn't move like an innocent kid that night in that room." She grinned.

He blew out a heavy breath and stepped past her, scanning the walls and not mentioning the explicit photos anymore. His face stayed red until they stepped back out into the hall.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter Ten **

He should have felt intimidated by the sheer size of the house and her obviously bloated bank account, but he wasn't. She was still Carol. She still had that same wit. She had that uncanny ability to put him at ease, even when his nerves kicked up so badly he wanted to crawl out of his own skin. If it wasn't for the heavy feeling of regret in his chest and the quickening of his pulse every time she got near him, it would have felt like they had never been apart.

He should have flogged her for selling those photos too but he understood why she did it. She hadn't done it to cheapen what they had shared that night just to make a buck. She'd been desperate to have enough to take care of the kids and that was okay. He hated the thought of his bare ass floating around out there but there wasn't anything he could do about it now and it _had_ helped her. He would be a real piece of shit if he got too mad about it. His kids had a good life because of those pictures.

She showed him the guest room that Avery never used and then she pulled him into what must have been her bedroom.

"Damn," he muttered, his eyes taking in the large space. "You gave up the hippie life and now you're livin' large. My house could fit in here. My bedroom's likely about the size of your bathroom.

"You don't have a house, remember? You gave it to your brother," she said, meeting his eyes.

"Oh yeah." He inclined his head towards the doorway. "You gonna tell'em that your taste in men was so bad at one time that you got knocked up by a man that ended up homeless?"

She laughed, and the sound had him growing still while it poured over him like a physical substance. It was strange how many memories that sound conjured in his mind. "I don't think they'd care. They would probably insist on you moving in with us. They're very giving for their age." She met his eyes and he saw the question behind the banter.

"I got a job I gotta get to in Augusta in the mornin'. That's a hell of a drive for a man with no wheels." He wanted to stay. God, he really wanted to, but he couldn't just not go to work. Russel was a good man and he deserved a notice if she really did want him to stay here with her and the kids. Not that he wouldn't make the drive. And there wasn't anything in the world that would keep him away from them now so he didn't care about the commute. He just couldn't take off on the man without a word.

"Well, I have a car and I have an SUV and there's always the..." Her eyes lit up. "I can't believe I forgot!" She grabbed his hand and pulled him out of the room, down the hall and back into the kitchen. A door off the kitchen led into a spacious laundry room and the door beyond that led to a modest two car garage.

He stopped, gaping at the site before him. "You bought your own?" He laughed.

"Of course I didn't buy my own. A paint job goes a long way. It also has a newer engine," she pulled him down the steps, "But you haven't even seen the best part."

He took in the glossy black paint job and was impressed. He couldn't believe she had kept the damn van. He'd been surprised the piece of shit had gotten her all the way to California. He was about to say as much but then she pulled open the side door, dropped his hand and crawled inside.

He stood there, gaping at her. She glanced over her shoulder and then turned so she was sitting on the mattress. Nothing about the inside had been touched. Well, that wasn't true. It was clean for the most part but still the same. The same old lumpy mattress and the same seats. Even the blankets they had stolen from the hotel was there.

He grinned and then crawled in after her. It was like a time capsule. As soon as he sat down next to her he was an eighteen year old again, running away from everything. "You kept every damn thing," he said, glancing around, unable to believe she'd kept it all.

"I did. I keep the outside clean but I don't get inside very much. It's like sensory overload in here. Not very healthy at all, which I'm sure you could understand that."

He understood. He hadn't even been able to look at the pictures that she had slipped into his bag so he imagined how hard it would have been on her with all the memories the van held. "What about now?"

She laughed and he could see how red her face was growing even in the shadowy interior of the van. "Actually, I'm letting myself remember certain things that I never let myself remember before and it's kind of embarrassing."

He was pulling his crossbow onto his lap when he suddenly looked over. "Embarrassing? The best part of my life was spent in the back of this van. We had fun."

"Well, I hadn't even known you a day and the first night we slept in here I mauled you. That was so... slutty. Not to mention I had to force you to sleep back here with me to begin with. I hate to imagine what you thought of me."

He grinned and looked away, shaking his head. "I didn't know what to think. Never been mauled before then. Or since."

She laughed. "How in the world did you manage that? You look exactly the same, except you're bigger. All this time I thought you would have girls lined up. I mean, of course, I broke you in, but I figured you would at least try to drown your sorrows in loose women," she teased.

He snorted. "Nope. Pried a few off of me thanks to Merle but that's about it." He grimaced at the memory.

"Did you think about me much?" She asked, all teasing gone.

He nodded, not looking at her. "Even though I tried like hell not to, you were about all I thought about. All the time."

"Me too," she said, her voice quiet and almost sad.

He glanced up. "It'd be hard for you not to with those two."

"I wouldn't have stopped thinking about you whether I had them or not," he said wistfully.

He stretched his legs out so they were hanging out of the van and then leaned back on his arms. "What the hell are we gonna do?"

"Stay," she said, her voice quiet and unsure.

He looked over, wanting nothing more than to tell her that he wasn't planning on going anywhere. "I gotta talk to my boss. I ain't got anything here. My brother lied to the man and bought me a few days but we're damn near finished with this job and with me gone, I ain't too sure if they'd make their deadline."

"You have a few clothes here in the van. You can drive to work tomorrow, tell your boss you quit and then get your things and come back. If you insist on working then get a job here. You have money to hold you over until you find something else."

He snorted. "I ain't got any money. Paycheck to paycheck. That's how me and Merle live."

She shook her head. "There's an account. It's yours."

He scowled and shook his head. "What the hell are you talkin' about? I ain't takin' your money. Jesus!"

She shook her head. "Those photos were of you, Daryl. I put back your cut. I've invested money these last few years and we're fine financially. I've barely spent anything other than what we've needed and then I splurged on this house and once my place out west sells, that will pay for this place. But it's our money, not just mine. You gave me every dime we had between the two of us the day you left so just look at it like that. You invested all your money and I was able to make a profit with it."

"I'll stay here tonight, drive to Augusta in the mornin' and tell Russel I'm done. But I ain't takin' your money."

"You'll stay? As in, you're going to leave Augusta and actually move in with us?" She looked like she was in a state of disbelief.

He nodded. "If you want."

"Is it what you want?"

He thought about waking up with her every morning. Watching the kids antics and being able to learn how to be a good dad to them. "Yeah. It's the only fuckin' thing I've ever wanted."

He grunted and his arms gave out, causing him to fall onto his back as she launched herself at him, crawling onto his lap.

"Are you sure?" She asked, when he sat back up, his arms locking around her waist on instinct. He swallowed hard and nodded. Yeah, he definitely felt like a teenager again. Her eyes were bright and she was grinning at him.

"If you are," he managed before her lips were on his. He hadn't been expecting it but it felt natural. It felt like it had always felt back when they had been together. It lit a fire in his blood and woke something up that had been sleeping inside of him since the moment he realized that he wouldn't ever see her again. So many years he had been resolved to live out his life in quiet misery and now it really hit him, the impact of this incredible situation really truly sinking in.

He hauled her up until she was straddling his lap, the kiss growing deep and frantic as the knowledge that this was real, that he wasn't going to wake from this, had him reeling. He couldn't get her close enough but he tried, crushing her to him as her arms locked around his neck, her fingers threading through his hair. He had missed that feeling. They had spent many nights sitting out by the lake, his head in her lap and her hands in his hair.

When she pulled away her eyes locked onto his and he was surprised to see that they were wet. She blinked and then shook her head. "I've missed you."

He nodded, unable to articulate anything at the moment. She pushed his hair out of his face and pressed her lips to his forehead and then the distinct voice of Janis Joplin started belting out 'Me and Bobby McGee" out of nowhere.

She sighed and reached for her phone that was sitting on the mattress next to them. "That's Avery. I have to get it," she muttered. "This better be good," she said by way of greeting.

He watched her roll her eyes at whatever Avery was saying and then he let go of her, leaning back on his elbows.

"No! I... he's too young for that, that's why! Don't buy him a gun!"

Daryl arched a brow at her but she just shook her head, shifting on his lap and causing the breath to leave him in a rush. He stopped paying attention to what she was saying and looked down. She was wearing a dress much like the one she'd been wearing the day he had picked her up. Short and flowey and giving him a view of her thighs since the dress was bunched up from her crawling over him.

"No I'm not naked!" She huffed and sat up further. "You're ridiculous."

Daryl tore his eyes off her thighs and looked up. She quirked a brow at him and he smirked. For some reason he felt a lot more comfortable in the van than he had felt in the house. He felt like they were more them. Inside he felt a little like an outsider, even though she had told him that she had actually had him in mind when she had bought the place.

He stopped listening to what she was saying and simply took her in like he hadn't really allowed himself to do yet. It was almost as if the last five years hadn't touched her. She still looked exactly like she had back then.

"What?" She asked, looking down at him.

He met her eyes and shrugged.

"They're on their way back. They usually run her ragged but they wanted to see you. Lily is convinced that if they stay gone too long you'll get bored and leave. Apparently they don't trust that I can keep you entertained." She leaned down then, kissing him again and this time he dropped onto his back, his hands gripping her hips.

He reluctantly broke the kiss instead of deepening it. He wanted this. Goddamn, he wanted this bad. But they needed to wait. The kids were on their way home and he didn't want the first time being with her after being away from her for five years to be a quick fuck in the back of the van. He was spending the night so it wasn't like it was going to be too bad.

She smiled, understanding in her eyes as she crawled off of him. "See," she sighed, "There I go again."

He laughed and sat up, scooting out of the van and reaching in to grab her hand. "You sure they'll be okay with this? I know they know who I am now but it's just been the three of you for their whole life. I don't make them feel weird about it."

She chewed her lip as she thought about his question and he was hoping that she wouldn't actually reconsider. "I suppose if you were just some man I was seeing, I wouldn't rush into something like this, or even bring you around them at all until I knew you well enough. But you are not, and never was, just some man I was seeing. You are their dad and they know that. This isn't something that we need to ease into and I feel like the sooner you understand how excited they are that you're finally here, the better you'll feel about it."

"I'm afraid I'm gonna be bad at this," he muttered. He hadn't even meant to say the words out loud.

She stopped, her hands going to the sides of his face. "You are going to be amazing at this and I know it."

He held her gaze for a while, saw the conviction there. There wasn't a doubt in her mind and that had him feeling a little better. "Okay. I'm gonna try like hell anyway."


	11. Chapter 11

**Sorry for the delay! Someone dumped a pup out by the road next to my house. Went door to door to find out if he belonged to anyone and no one claimed him. So, now I'm a new dog mom because the guy isn't getting sent to the pound. I forgot how much work an 8-10 week old pup can be. Anyway, I'm trying to get back on track! Thank you for**** reading!**

**Chapter Eleven**

Carol couldn't stop feeling like she was about to wake up from a dream. This couldn't have all happened in one single morning. There was no way her luck could be that perfect. He was still so out of his element when it came to the kids that it was heartbreaking and comical at the same time. He simply didn't have the slightest clue what to do.

She left him alone in the house while she walked Avery out to her car.

"So, this is goodbye then?" Avery asked as she shoved her suitcase into her rental. "You'll have no use for me now that your man is back." She grinned.

Carol rolled her eyes and pulled her in for a hug. "I'll always need you. You're family."

Avery scoffed but hugged her a little tighter before she stepped away. "I really am happy that it all worked out like this. I really was expecting the worst."

Carol nodded. "I think I was expecting the same thing."

"Self preservation," Avery said sagely.

"When will you be back?" Carol asked, knowing that she was stalling because she really was going to miss her friend.

"Sooner than later. At least we'll be in the same country," she grinned and then got behind the wheel. "Until next time then!"

Carol stepped back and waved. She usually felt so adrift when Avery left. Like she really was all alone raising two kids. But she didn't feel like that now. It was strange.

~H~

"How old are you?" Lily asked.

"Twenty three," Daryl said, watching the girl as she inched her way closer to him on the couch.

"You're old," she muttered.

He bit his lip to keep from laughing. "I spose so."

"Do you like to take pictures too?" She asked.

This got her brother's attention. "He don't take pictures. He hunts, remember?"

"Oh yeah," Lily said, scrunching up her face as she thought of more questions to ask him. "Do you take pictures of dead things when you're done killing them?"

Jake shook his head. "You're so weird."

"No I'm not," she growled before looking up at Daryl again. "So?"

He shook his head. "No pictures."

"Do you got more kids?"

"Nope. You two are it, unless there's more of you runnin' around here somewhere your mom ain't told me about yet." Actually after everything that had happened today, it wouldn't surprise him.

"Are you gonna stay with us now?" Jake asked suddenly.

"Yeah," he said, no hesitation because the look on the boys face told him that he expected bad news. He didn't want them thinking he didn't want them. That was a fucked up thing for a kid to have to go through. He'd never felt wanted himself and he still carried the scars from that part of his life, inside and out. They weren't going to feel like that. Maybe he didn't know how the hell to be a dad but he'd start out by making sure they knew he wanted to be around, just by being around.

Lily laughed. "Are you gonna kiss our mom?"

Jake grinned and Daryl felt his face flush deeply. Just then Carol came in, shutting the door firmly behind her. They all three glanced up at her.

"Mama, Avery said she's had you some presents put back for a special occasion and you can find them on your bed," Lily chirped.

Carol groaned and disappeared down the hall hurriedly. He wanted to follow her to see what the hell that crazy woman could have left in her room but he was pretty sure that he'd have two tag alongs and whatever it was probably wasn't anything they needed to see. But damn if he wasn't curious.

When she came back down the hall her face was as red as he had ever seen it and she was grumbling under her breath. She looked up, meeting his eyes and then looked away quickly like she was embarrassed to even look at him. This only had his curiosity spiking.

~H~

The rest of the day was strange, but in a good way. A _very_ good way. Usually Carol went out of her way to entertain the kids but today they shadowed everything Daryl did. When he spoke, they both listened raptly and when he expressed interest in the things they told him they both seemed to glow with pride. It made her realize that maybe they had been longing for him just as much as she had.

There was one thing that kept nagging at her though and that was Merle Dixon.

She had despised the very idea of the man for a long time. After all, he had been the one to cause Daryl to leave in the first place. Over the years she tried harder to understand his position and she had wanted badly to forgive him for his decision to force his little brother back home.

He had torn them apart but he hadn't done it to be a selfish man. He had thought he knew what was best for his brother. At the time he made a call that he considered right. And then, of course, when he had realized that he had made a very grave mistake, he hadn't been selfish. He hadn't hidden anything from Daryl. In fact, he had sacrificed his own relationship with his brother and brought him right to her doorstep.

And that flash of pain in his eyes when Daryl had told him to take everything and go was really starting to bother her. He hadn't had to bring him here, knowing that it would destroy their relationship. Merle had sacrificed a lot today, regardless of what he had done in the past. And he had done it all for his brother. Besides, all of them could have made decisions that would have altered the course that their lives had taken. Daryl could have refused to go back with his brother at all. She could have demanded that he take her home with her, her own dreams be damned. The two of them had simply not seen what sort of obstacles may end up being in their way if he left without her. And that wasn't Merle Dixon's fault. It was easy to blame him but that didn't make blaming him wholly was right. They all played a hand in their own misery.

Darkness had been pressing against the windows for a while now and she was surprised to see that it was nearly ten o'clock already. The day had flown past her and she was reluctant to let go of it. She knew that the kids were going to fight her over going to bed and she didn't blame them a bit. They were excited. Jake was more reserved than his sister but she could see it in his eyes that this was something he wouldn't likely forget any time soon. Being the only boy he probably felt like he finally had an ally in the house. Lily was more like herself, rambling on with her little stories and demanding his attention but Jake was quieter. She watched him watching Daryl as he tried to keep up with Lily.

"It's getting late you two," she said from her spot in the overstuffed chair.

Jake was in the middle of showing Daryl his collection of arrowheads that Avery had bought him on a trip to the museum. Daryl had told him several old Indian legends that he'd heard from his grandfather when he had been a little boy.

She expected him to argue with her but he just nodded and gathered up the prized possessions. He looked up at Daryl, his eyes almost pleading. "You're gonna be here tomorrow, right?"

Daryl nodded. "Gotta go to work but I'll be back after that."

Jake nodded and took off towards his room. "Night!" He called back excitedly.

Carol was surprised that she hadn't heard any arguments from Lily but then she glanced down and realized the girl was already asleep with her head in his lap. Carol shook her head. "Why can't it be that easy for me all the time? They usually always put up a fight."

He shrugged. "They probably just like me better. Maybe they think you're lame."

Her mouth dropped and then she laughed, shaking her head at his lazy grin. He let his head fall, resting on the back of the couch and he watched her with heavy lidded eyes.

"You're tired," she noted, pulling her legs up.

He shook his head slowly, his eyes staying on her. "Nope."

She stood up and was about to make a move to get Lily so she could take her to bed but he moved quickly, scooping her up and heading down the hall with a dramatic roll of his eyes, like she thought that he wasn't capable of carrying a four year old to bed. She went to the kitchen and started putting away the dinner dishes.

She needed to bring Merle up and she was dreading it. She knew that from now on it would be a sore subject for him but she had to try. She waited to hear him return to the kitchen and when he didn't she got curious and turned around, nearly dropping a glass as she cried out in surprise.

"You scared me to death!" She gasped.

He chuckled and then surprised her when he backed her up until she was pressed between him and the counter. His lips came down on hers with no hesitation and for a few long moments she forgot that there were things they needed to talk about. But it was very hard to concentrate when he was this close. And when his hands were sliding down her sides like they were right now...

He was very distracting.

She pulled her face away suddenly, needing to talk to him about his brother before talking at all wasn't an option anymore. "Daryl," she breathed once his lips met the skin right below her ear. God, she had missed this so much.

"What?" He asked, his low voice rough in her ear.

"We need to talk about something," she whispered.

He dropped his head to her shoulder heavily and sighed. "You're right."

She mourned the loss of his mouth on her but she needed to say this. "I think you should talk to your brother."

He tensed and then raised his head, scowling at her but not moving away. "That son of a bitch did this! He don't think about anybody but his damn-"

"He brought you here. He didn't have to bring you here. Wouldn't it have benefited him a lot more if he just kept us a secret? He knew how you would react. He had to have known but he brought you here to us. He's the reason we're standing here right now."

"He's the goddamn reason I ain't been standing with you through all the shit you had to go through for the past five years," he growled.

She nodded, "I know that. I do. I get it, but I don't think he did it because he's a bad person. He thought he knew what was best for you. None of us knew I was pregnant. If so I'm sure everything would have been different. He didn't hold a gun to your head and demand that you leave Arizona and he didn't hold one to mine and tell me I couldn't come back with you. We thought you would be gone for just a little while and it simply didn't work out that way. But you can't just cut him off."

"Things coulda been different if he'd just hopped down off his high horse and not guilted me into goin' back."

"I want them to know their family, Daryl. I think Merle needs to be a part of their life too," she said, keeping her voice calm. "Can you at least think about it? I mean, you just found out that you have two kids but he has no one. I hate to think how he must be feeling right now."

He sighed heavily, shaking his head. "You're somethin' else, you know that?"

She nodded, wide eyes never leaving his.

"You should hate him for this more than I do."

"But I don't. It was unfortunate and it was hard, so hard sometimes, but it wasn't his fault. I hated him for a long time, blamed him for all of it, but it wasn't something he did to you on purpose. I'm tired of regrets. Please?"

He finally nodded. "Fine."

She smiled and kissed him hard. "Thank you. I think they're going to love him."

He snorted, "Maybe. You on the other hand, you're gonna have your damn hands full and you brought it all on yourself."

Daryl tried to call Merle but no one picked up. He had a feeling that Merle had gone straight to his supplier as soon as Daryl had told him to leave. He could only promise her that he would talk to him in the morning when he got to work. Surely Merle wouldn't get so fucked up that he missed work. He was walking a thin line anyway. If he didn't stop fucking up then he was going to be fired and he wouldn't have anyone to blame but himself.

He shouldn't have to remind his older brother that if he messed up too much and lost his damn job then there was no way he'd be able to find another one in time to get the rent and the electric paid. Daryl wasn't a total dick. He would do what he could, like give him his share of the money on Friday, but after that, he was done. If Carol wanted the kids to have a relationship with the man then fine but he was completely over dealing with him.


	12. Chapter 12

**I know that this story is kind of slow. I wasn't sure where it was even going to go when I wrote it, only that I couldn't leave the first one hanging like that lol. Obviously. So, thank you for sticking around! And for being patient! It's appreciated! **

**Chapter Twelve **

He stepped out of the shower and dried off quickly. He'd had two choices in the shower. He could smell like a man that didn't believe in soap or he could smell like a fucking fruit roll up. So he'd gone with the lesser of two evils and used the kids soap and now he smelled like a goddamn pineapple. But that was okay. He'd smelled worse. Maybe she wouldn't make fun of him.

He swiped his hand across the mirror and secured the towel around his waist, staring at his reflection. It was strange that he didn't look different than he had when he had looked at himself that very morning at the house in Augusta. It seemed odd to have your entire universe turned on it's axis and it not leave some kind of physical mark.

But that wasn't really true. Upon closer inspection he could see clearly that his eyes were different, clearer. His shoulders were square, no longer weighed down with the burden of what felt like a lifetime of losses.

He didn't want to put the clothes he had worn all day back on but he didn't have anything else. Maybe she would have something that he could just sleep in. She'd said herself that there were a few things left in the van, even though he was pretty sure he'd outgrown them. He shook his head at the thought.

He had gotten a girl pregnant before he had even finished growing. Jesus Christ. But it was true. He was a few inches taller and much wider than he had been back then. He took the clothes with him to the bedroom door and hesitated for a second. Should he knock? Was this _their_ room now or... He wasn't sure what the hell protocol was for this kind of situation.

Finally he decided that this was okay and he walked right into the room. She must not have heard him come in because she was sitting cross legged in the middle of the huge bed, a book in her lap. He stood there staring like an idiot but he couldn't stop and he couldn't look away. He wasn't sure if she slept in the kind of thing that she was wearing now all the time or if this was just kind of a special occasion and she decided to pull out all the stops but he sure as fuck appreciated it, regardless of the reason. It was low cut and lacy and hugged her tightly. The creamy color of it set off her pale skin and auburn hair and he found himself unable to swallow.

He cleared his throat, the bundle of clothes gripped hard in his hands in front of himself. She looked up sharply and then grinned.

"You're naked," she said, her eyes dancing.

He snorted. "No I ain't. I'm wearin' a towel. Didn't you say that you had some stuff you found in the van?" He didn't know why he was finding it so hard to breathe in here.

She nodded, and then stretched her legs out in front of her, crossing her feet at the ankles, tossing her book to the side and leaning back on her arms. "You sure you want to sleep in clothes? I know this is the first time in your life that you actually get to sleep on silk sheets. You might as well stick to the bare minimal when it comes to dress so you can actually enjoy it."

She was the fucking Devil, looking at him like that. Now that she was stretched out he could see that the top was matched with a pair of barely there shorts that left very little to the imagination. Jesus Christ. He gripped his clothes even harder, suddenly feeling unprepared, almost like he had that first night in that motel room. It'd been a long time...

"Daryl?"

"Huh?"

"Drop the damn clothes," she said, watching him.

He nodded. "Right," he muttered, tossing the armful right onto the floor and stalking towards the bed like a man with a purpose.

She scrambled onto her knees as soon as he was next to the bed his hand going for the towel that was still wrapped securely around his waist. It hit the floor seconds before his knees hit the mattress. Her mouth was on his before he could even get one arm around her. When he did he lifted her easily and she didn't hesitate before she wrapped her legs around his waist.

He expected her night clothes to have a rough feel but as he slid his hands over her back it proved to be soft. He forced himself to lower her gently but all he wanted to do was throw her onto her back and rip those fucking clothes off. Five years was a long goddamn time for a man to go without any kind of sexual release other than his own damn hand.

He felt the bite of her nails in his back once he had her on the bed. She pulled her mouth away from his and bit her lip as she moved up into him. Suddenly those sexy bottoms became incredibly offensive since they were all that separated him from actually sinking into her now. In the back of his mind he wondered how often the kids barged into her bedroom. And then something else occurred to him that he hadn't really thought of, but seriously should have.

He raised up on his arms, looking down at her and nearly lost his train of thought at the look of pleasure on her face. "If we do this, what are the odds of you getting pregnant again?" He panted.

She shook her head. "Can't. A had my tubes tied a few years ago." Even though the conversation wasn't really a sexy one she planted her feet on the bed and rolled her hips up in to his.

He groaned and rolled, putting her on top of him. Now she had more room to move and goddamn, could the woman move, sliding over him. He could feel the heat rolling off of her, feel how wet she was already and he hadn't even gotten her clothes off.

She bent her elbows, coming down so her mouth was able to leave a wet trail down his throat as her ass went up, giving him a clear view of the straight line of her spine, her slender waist and then the feminine flair of her hips. Her teeth sank into the tender skin of his stomach and his breath left him in a rush.

She was getting dangerously close and he wanted it, to feel her lips around him. To watch her take him into her mouth until she almost choked. Goddamn, he wanted it bad. But he also knew that if she did, this was over. There was no way he could hold off if he tried to endure that slow torment.

So, he gripped her by her hair and hauled her back up before she had a chance, rolling again so she was trapped under him. She grinned up at him and he found himself grinning back before he started working her shirt up. She raised her arms, making it easier for him. His mouth watered once he finally had the garment tossed away somewhere in the shadows further into the room.

She was just as eager as he was because suddenly her hand was in his hair, urging his head down to her breast. As soon as his lips closed over the peak she arched into him, a small cry escaping her. He sucked hard, dragging his teeth over the sensitive flesh before switching to the other, lavishing it with just as much attention before she was pushing him down further.

He grinned against the warm skin of her stomach, taking his time just because he could. Even though he was actually in physical pain now. He was rock hard, aching to get inside her, but he wanted, no, he _needed _to taste her. He ran his nose along the low slung waistband of her shorts, breathing deeply the scent of her arousal. It was so familiar, like it hadn't been years since he had been with her like this but mere days.

She whispered his name, and though it was barely audible, it slammed into him with a force of a blow. He had been hungry for her before, had been hungry for her for _years_, but now he was fucking ravenous. He raised up quickly, hooked his fingers through the waistband of her shorts and nearly ripped them in his haste to get them off of her. Without missing a beat he shoved her legs wide and wasted no time.

He groaned as her taste flooded his mouth, reveled in the feel when her body jerked as his tongue traced her. He could read her like a book, knew exactly what she wanted just by subtle movements of her body and he was once again wrapped up in that place that only she could take him. Nothing existed but them and now.

His eyes shot up when she let out a strangled cry, her hands fisting into his hair painfully. Reflexively her body tried to move away, unaccustomed to the intensity of her orgasm but he locked an arm around her waist and forced her to stay still until it was over. When her fingers loosened in his hair and her panting breath was all he could hear he finally moved away.

~H~

Before she could even catch her breath he was right there, hovering over her with a predatory look in his eyes. His mouth came down on hers, cutting off any sounds she could have made as he pushed into her. Her eyes widened and a low growl rumbled in his chest. She had been deprived of this for so long that it took a few seconds for her body to adjust to him. She half expected to hear the sound of a coyote singing in the distance, the rush of the falls that they had parked the van near all those years ago. She was right back there in her mind.

The onslaught of memories that hit her had her eyes tearing up, her emotions riding on a strange sea of sensation that her mind and body were trying desperately to comprehend. But it wasn't a new experience. This was the way it was every time they had been together. It was why she knew that she'd never be able to be with anyone but him. What they had was different. As stupid as it would sound if she had ever said it out loud, their bond was like something... sacred. Not something anyone could get over. Ever.

Her legs wrapped around him, pulling him tighter against her when she felt the sting of his teeth on her shoulder. He cursed under his breath, slowing his movements and she smiled. She felt bad for him, trying to hold on like that. It had been a long time so if he blew it too soon, she wouldn't fault him. But he must have fought through it because his pace picked back up after a moment, deeper and harder than before, jarring her and forcing her to tighten her legs around him. She felt the sweet pressure building inside of her and shuddered around him as her shoulders pressed further into the mattress.

His lips caught hers just before she cried out. This time it came on slowly, building and then wracking through her over and over. He ran his work roughened hand up the back of her thigh, forcing her leg up further, moving deeper, faster, until she thought she would pass out from the raw pleasure. As the last wave hit her his body tensed, he slowed growling into her throat.

She wasn't ready to let him go. She wanted to keep him as close as she could for as long as she could. She was even afraid to sleep, like that would be a waste of precious time with him. He let go of her leg and she let it fall. She felt like she didn't have the energy to even move at the moment.

"I think I'm bleedin'," he said, his voice heavy and rough.

She frowned and pushed at his shoulders until he was propped up on his elbows, looking down at her. "What are you..." She laughed. "Oops." He had claw marks on either side of his neck and though they looked painful, they weren't bleeding. "I think you'll live."

"You think so?" he asked lazily. He raised up on his arms and then finally pulled away from her. She scrambled under the blanket, seeking out his body heat since the cool air was hitting her over heated skin.

"I do. You gotta get some sleep," she yawned. "You have to get up at three thirty. Even though we're perfectly financially stable and you don't have to work so hard."

He snorted and pulled her closer so she was nearly draped over him now. "How do you know I gotta work hard? Maybe I'm one of those that takes it easy."

She smiled and left him long enough to turn the small lamp off, then went right back to her spot, draped over his chest. "Because you have the build of a man that works hard. And your hands," she muttered, her fingers running over his side. "They're all rough. Shows you use them and you use them for manual labor."

He sighed. "I ain't gonna sit on my ass. I don't mind hard work. But I'll find somethin' closer. I have to give Russel some time to get somebody else though. I can't just leave him short handed. He's been damn good to me over the years."

She hummed in the back of her throat while his hands traced patterns over her spine. She was trying to fight it but it was no use. The steady beat of his heart under her ear lulled her to sleep quickly.


	13. Chapter 13

**Hello! Slowly moving along here. We're gonna figure out what Brother Merle is up to soon enough. Thanks for reading! **

**Chapter Thirteen **

Daryl jerked awake, sitting up in the bed, blinking rabidly. The room was too dark. Usually he had to deal with the street light shining through the broken slats of the blinds that covered the window in his room. He wasn't sure what the hell had woken him...

He dropped back down when he realized where he was. He was almost in a state of disbelief that he hadn't dreamed up the day's events. But there was a warm naked body moving into his side and the sheets under his back were smooth and cool. He looked at the bedside clock and groaned. It was already two thirty. He'd have to get up and get ready to leave in an hour. He wished he could just do what she wanted and stay in bed with her.

He rolled over and discovered that she was sleeping with her back to him. Burying his face in her hair he breathed deeply. She wiggled further into him, grabbed his hand and pulled it so it was wrapped around her. He thought about going ahead and getting up but now it would take a crow bar to pry him out of the bed.

He had lain awake many nights wondering what it would be like to be with her again. Not just physically, even though earlier had blown his expectations out of the water. But he needed to stop thinking about that right now. No, he had wondered if things would return to their easy relationship that they shared out there or if they would have somehow grown apart over the years. Lucky him, things were even more intense than they had been out there. He had worried that if they found each other, neither of them would be able to live up to the others expectation.

When the alarm went off he cursed under his breath and turned it off as quick as he could but it wasn't quick enough. She sat up quickly, almost in a panic. "Daryl?"

"Sorry. Shoulda turned it off when I woke up earlier. Go back to sleep," he muttered.

"Yeah. I'll get right on that," she said and he could hear the smile in her voice.

He groaned when suddenly the lamp was turned on. Just like the night before most of the room was still in shadows but even the slight glow had his eyes aching. She was sitting up, her hair a complete mess and the blanket pulled up to her chest. Maybe she'd found a sense of modesty since becoming a mother. He remembered out there in the desert she was happy being naked all the time. And he was happy to be the guy lucky enough to get to be around for that.

Suddenly she leaned in and kissed him quickly before throwing off the blanket and sliding out of bed. His eyes went wide as he watched her walk towards the door. She picked up his clothes and tossed them onto the bed before flashing a grin and going to the closet. He didn't make a move for the clothes. He just watched her as she hurriedly threw on a shirt and a pair of jeans.

Finally he grabbed his clothes from yesterday and got dressed, even though all he wanted to do now was rip her goddamn clothes back off and...

"You hungry?"

He shook his head. "I usually skip breakfast."

She frowned. "That's horrible. The reason you're up this early is so I can at least send you off with a full stomach. You'll be more inclined to come back," she winked.

"You're an ass," he grumbled as her arms wound around him and she kissed him quickly.

She met his eyes and smiled. "You love me."

He held her gaze and nodded. "I do." This had him swallowing hard.

"I love you too," she said, kissing him one more time and then pulling him out of the room.

It hadn't occurred to him that they had never said it. Not the month they were out alone and not the day he left on the plane back to Georgia. It was there, a dense tangible thing between them, but it had never been voiced. He knew he loved her and he knew she loved him, somehow, despite time and distance and uncertainty it had held fast. Now he wished that he would have actually told her sooner. Much sooner.

"Where the fuck did you learn to cook?" He asked, his mouth full of some kind of fancy assed omelet that was probably the best thing he'd ever eaten in his life.

"I took a cooking class out in California last year. I learned a thing or two. Turns out, I'm a natural."

His mouth was too full to respond so he nodded.

"You have to tell them goodbye. If they wake up and you're gone, even though you told them you had to work..." She let the sentence hang in the air and he swallowed.

"I was gonna do that anyway." He'd been a little bit worried about the same thing. Them waking up and thinking he was gone again. It made him feel like shit but it wasn't anybodies fault. Not really. They didn't have any reason to trust him. They didn't know him. He'd done okay the day before and at least they seemed to like him. That was more than he had dared to hope for this soon after meeting them. Of course, they had known about him for a while now and to him, just the idea of them was still pretty terrifying.

He knew Carol. He knew where he stood with her now and he was comfortable. But he was still afraid of fucking this up with the kids.

She sat down across from him, a small smile on her face. "So, how many guys do you work with?"

He drained his cup of coffee and then shrugged. "There's eight on the job we're doin' now. Sometimes there's more than that. Right now we're about finished up. The next job was suppose to be this one."

Her eyes lit up. "I almost forgot about that! That's why Merle was here in the first place!"

He nodded.

"Well then, you don't have to quit yet. You can just do the damn job! That would give your boss time to find a replacement for you."

He snorted. "You want me to live here."

"Well, of course I do." She frowned.

"And you expect my boss to pay me, decent money, mind you, to build a goddamn pool and patio at my own house?"

She grinned. "You just called it your house! You're coming around so fast!"

He shook his head. "You know what I mean, damn it."

She nodded. "I do. You meant that you aren't going to put up a fight and you aren't going to be one of those infuriating pigs that refuses to call a home his own just because his successful girlfriend bought it. This is _our_ house. And_ you_ just admitted it."

He sighed. "You're impossible, you know that?"

She nodded, pulling her legs up onto her seat and resting her chin on her knees. "I know."

He glanced at the clock and then sighed. "Bout that time I guess."

Her smile fell. "I really wish you were a lazy loser with no work ethic."

He stood up and took his plate the sink. "I bet you do. But not a chance. I get bored too easy."

"I could keep you occupied."

He growled at her on his way past. The last thing he needed to think about before going to face a hard days work in the sun was how many different ways she could keep him occupied. He already knew. If his memory served him correctly, at least a third of the time they had spent in the desert was spent keeping the other occupied.

He shook those thoughts away as he stepped into Jake's room and found him sprawled out on the bed, one leg hanging off and the blankets scattered around. He moved the boy's dangling leg back onto the bed and then sat down, ruffling his hair.

He rolled over quickly, sitting up on his elbows and then rubbing his eyes. "It's time to get up already?"

Daryl shook his head. "Too early for that. Figured I'd come tell you bye. I gotta go to work, remember?"

The boy nodded. "Can I go? I can work."

Daryl grinned. "I bet you could but I'd prolly get into trouble for bringin' a new guy onto the job without askin' my boss first."

The boy seemed to mull this over and finally nodded. "You're right. And since you're old I can probably work faster than you anyway. I wouldn't want you to look bad or anything."

Daryl laughed. "Yeah, that would suck."

Jake grinned. "When you get home can we go to the woods? Don't tell mom but she was pretty borin'. She wouldn't show me anything. She just said you'd show me when you showed up."

"I can show you a thing or two soon but it might be too late by the time I get home tonight," he said, wondering how the woman had had so much faith in him, but grateful that she did. "Go back to sleep for now, kid. It's too damn early."

Jake nodded and jerked the covers back up. "I'm gonna try to sleep late. Then I won't have to wait as long for you to get back."

"Good thinkin'."

He grinned and then closed his eyes. "I'm the smart one."

He shook his head and left the room, chuckling quietly. He left the door ajar and then slipped into Lily's room. He had a feeling that she wasn't going to be as easy on him as her brother had been. She was curled up on her side with her hands fisted under her chin. He'd seen Carol sleep like that plenty of times.

"Hey," he whispered, nudging her shoulder.

Just like her brother her eyes flew open and she rolled over. When she saw him there from the small glow from the night light she smiled wide. "Hi, daddy!"

There she went again, giving him that terrified feeling in his stomach and that fucked up fluttery feeling in his chest. Further cementing the fact that he was somebodies dad. It was disconcerting as fuck but in a good way, even if that made no sense. It was very surreal. "Mornin'."

She sat up and glanced at the windows, a frown forming between her brows. "It's still dark."

"Yeah, but I gotta go to work. Wanted to say bye before I left."

A troubled look came over her and then she surprised him by crawling onto his lap, her small arms going around his neck. "Are you comin' back?" She asked, her head on his shoulder.

"Yeah, I'm comin' back," he muttered, hoping that this wasn't something she worried about from now on.

"I wanna go too. We can all go. You'll get done and can come home faster. I help mama all the time, ask her. I'll be good." She pulled away but kept her hands on his shoulders, her eyes meeting his, large and wet.

"How bout you stay here, help your mama around the house and then when I get back we can find somethin' to do, okay?" Man, he felt guilty as fuck. Did she not think he would come back?

Her bottom lip wobbled and a tear escaped before her arms were around his neck again. Her brother was definitely more like him. He didn't know what the fuck to do with a crying little girl. He didn't even know what to do with a crying woman but this was different because this was _his _little girl and she was crying because _him_.

Mother fuck. How did he handle this? "Hey, don't do that," he muttered, a desperate edge to his voice that even he could hear clearly.

She sniffled and he grimaced cause he was pretty sure she was gonna get snot all over him, but that was the least of his worries. "I don't want you to leave. You just got here."

He wracked his brain, trying to think of something to say to keep her from crying but it was no use. She cried and he sat there, his fingers moving lightly over her back. After a while her arms grew slack and other than a few hiccups she was quiet.

"Thank fuck," he whispered to himself as he stood up slowly and shifting her so he could put her back on the bed. Once he had her covered back up he ran a hand through his hair and left the room. He nearly ran into Carol in the hallway.

"How did that go?" She asked, fighting a smile.

"This dad shit ain't easy," he grumbled, stepping around her. "You coulda helped me out with that one."

She followed him down the hall. "Nope. I figure the best way you can learn is to do it on your own. I'm not interfering."

He scowled. "She cried on me."

She reached up and ran her fingers over the tear stained collar of his shirt. "She's sensitive. She'll be okay."

"I think she thinks I'm not comin' back," he grumbled, reaching down and tying his boots. "I feel like a piece of shit asshole."

Once he raised back up she gripped his shoulders hard, meeting his eyes fiercely. "You are not a piece of shit and you are not an asshole. Stop saying that."

He sighed heavily, his arms wrapping around her and pulling her closer. "I gotta go."

She nodded, pulling his face to hers. She didn't kiss him quickly. She kissed him deeply, reassuringly. She didn't want him to dwell on things and really, he shouldn't. As of yesterday morning, he had one incredible fucking future to look forward too. When she pulled away she smiled and shoved a set of keys into his palm. "Drive safe."

He nodded and let her back away. "I'll be back around six or seven."

She waved and then he walked out the door. If he stayed a second longer he would have said fuck it and not left at all. But if he missed work again then the whole crew would end up paying for it and he wouldn't want anyone doing that to him. So he drove away from the house, feeling a little heavy hearted.


	14. Chapter 14

**I've had a super busy weekend so I'm sorry I haven't posted! Hope all of you have enjoyed yourselves and thanks for reading! =)**

**Chapter Fourteen **

Carol had never seen her daughter act like this before. Both of her kids were happy go lucky. They didn't throw fits or get in those moods that a lot of kids their age did. But when Lily had woken up and discovered that Daryl had left she cried again and then she just moped around. Even Jake couldn't get a smile out of her.

It worried her.

It was nearly ten in the morning and the girl hadn't done much of anything but sit on the couch and ask what time it was. It was clear that not having a father around had effected the kids more than she had thought. Jake was better at keeping his emotions in check, just like Daryl. But Lily was all girl and apparently wasn't willing to let go of her new found misery.

"Lily, get your brother! I need your help," she called into the living room, making a snap decision. She couldn't stand to see the girl like this all day.

They came in a few minutes later and eyed the stuff on the table. "What's all this for?" Jake asked, climbing onto one of the chairs.

Carol smiled and left the room, going to the garage and wheeling in a large cooler. "Lunch," she said simply.

The kids shared a look and then their eyes went back to her. "This might be too much," Lily said. "I'm still not very hungry."

Carol shrugged. "Your dad works with eight other guys, plus the boss. We need nine of the biggest sandwiches we can make." She pushed two packages of hoagie buns towards them. "Wash your hands and get to work. We're gonna load up the cooler and we're having lunch with your dad today."

They shared another look and then the three of them eagerly got to work. It wasn't that she wanted to coddle her children, even though she wasn't beyond that. But she thought it would be good for all of them to do something nice for all those other poor men that worked as hard as Daryl did out in the sun. Not to mention she had a bad habit of buying too much food anyway.

After wrapping up the last of the sandwiches in wax paper and then bagging it, adding bags of chips and leftover cookies that her and the kids had made a few days earlier, the cooler was full and she barely managed to manhandle it into the back of her SUV.

~H~

Daryl kept catching the other men staring at him and it was starting to grate on his damn nerves. None of them said much but they were all acting a lot different today. Merle, of course, wasn't there but no one asked about it because apparently he actually _had_ told Russel that he was going to rehab. At least he pretty much had an excuse for not being there, even if it was a lie. Maybe he wouldn't get fired. Russel was a pretty good guy for the most part.

Daryl was feeling off today and it took him a few hours to realize the reason. He was in a bad mood. Not that he was always in a good mood at work, but ever since the day he started, this had been his escape. He wanted to be at work. He loathed his days off, with all of that time to think. And now, all he wanted to do was go the hell home.

Home.

It was weird that he could think of that house as home. It was nicer than anywhere he had ever expected to live. He should have felt out of his element but he didn't. It was where his family was and so that was just home to him now. That made sense because they had called the damn van home for a while.

One day. Just one day and everything about his whole existence was completely changed. His outlook was different. His priorities were different. The way he perceived his surroundings was different.

"Bout lunch time," Shane said as he walked past him.

"Bout fuckin' time," Daryl grumbled.

"Gonna be starting that project out in Atlanta on Monday. You ready for the change of scenery?" Shane asked. This mother fucker was always about small talk.

Daryl shrugged. He hadn't had a chance to really talk to Russel about quitting yet. He was dreading it. The guy had been a great boss and had given him a lot of opportunities to move up. Now he was one of the main masons on the whole crew. Russel had trained him personally but he was looking forward to see where this new life of his was headed. He had a lot of plans now, a lot to prove to his kids and to himself. He had a lot of lost time to make up for when it came to Carol and he was wanting to start on all of it now.

"Man, you won't be shruggin' when you get there. Me and your brother were knocked stupid by the woman that came to the door."

Daryl stiffened, his jaw clenching.

"Legs went on for miles, man. Some kinda french accent or somethin'. She was a knockout and a half."

He relaxed. Shane was going on about Avery. He didn't give a damn what the man said about that crazy woman.

"And the one that actually owns the place, ass on that one that would make your mouth water. Big blue eyes and a mouth on her that makes a man think of all sorts of dirty things. And real sweet too. Had a couple of rugrats but you sure as fuck couldn't tell it by looking at that body of hers."

Well, it was official. Before he left work today, he was gonna beat Shane Walsh's brains out. "How bout you shut your fuckin' mouth and get some work done," he grumbled.

Shane just laughed, shaking his head. "I think you need to loosen up. I tell you what, if I strike out with her, I'll send her your way. Don't hold your breath though. I don't strike out often."

Daryl just shook his head, deciding that it was better to ignore him than rip his tongue out of his face and shove it up his ass.

"Time to eat, fellas!" Russel called after a few tense moments. "If you brought your lunches you might as well put'em up. We got company today," the old man added.

Shane looked down at his watch. "Thirty minutes early. He must be feeling pretty damn nice today. That old bastard never gives us lunch early. And he sure as shit never brings us anything."

Daryl shrugged and turned at the same time Shane did. That was when he spotted Carol's SUV pulling into the lot. His stomach did a flip and he cursed himself for being a fucking sap. What the hell was she doing here anyway? Not that he wasn't happy to see her. The day had just became a lot more bearable.

Russel walked up to them then, smiling widely. "The girl that we're gonna be working for next week called me a few hours ago and offered to bring you slackers some lunch. I've met with her once before. Watch yourselves. She's a real sweet girl and the first one of you to make her feel uncomfortable is gonna end up dealing with me," he said sternly.

"Holy shit," Shane muttered. "I bet it worked. I threw on the charm the other day, man. I bet she came here to get to know me a little better."

Daryl rolled his eyes and watched as Carol hopped down from the driver's seat. She looked at him and grinned but from this distance Shane must have thought she was looking at him because he grinned and waved.

"You ain't got a snowball's chance in hell, Walsh. Give it up," Daryl said once she started walking towards them.

Shane snorted. "And you do? Give me a fuckin' break man. She's too much for you."

Daryl nodded, laughing lightly. "You're probably right." He stepped away from the other man and met her halfway.

"I'm not trying to smother you but Lily was having a horrible time today and I couldn't stand it."

He glanced past her, towards the SUV. "I told you it was awful," he muttered with a frown.

Carol smiled, "But this is okay, right?"

He nodded, meeting her eyes. "Yeah, this is alright. It's been a shitty day."

Her nervous smile turned into a wide grin and then her arms went around his neck. He felt the eyes of every man there on him and then his face flushed. "You're gonna get dirty," he grumbled, one arm going around her waist because he couldn't just stand there like a dumb ass with a woman hanging off him.

"We haven't even scratched the surface of dirty yet, Dixon," she said coyly and then kissed him right out there in front of God and everybody. But he kissed her back anyway, even though they were all watching.

He couldn't help it. He laughed. Besides, just because he wasn't comfortable with any public displays of affection didn't mean that he didn't get a little satisfaction out of knowing Shane was probably picking his jaw up off the ground right now. She finally let him go, grabbing his hand and dragging him to the back of the SUV.

"We made lunch. I figured that it was a good excuse to come see you anyway. And I feel good being able to feed all your hard working friends," she winked, knowing damn good and well that none of these assholes were his friends. She was about the only damn friend he'd ever had. Real one anyway.

"Dixon!"

He turned and saw Russel strolling towards them, questions written all over his face. He took a few steps and the back door opened up, Lily standing there grinning proudly.

"Daddy, I made you lunch," she nearly yelled in her excitement and Daryl noticed everyone turning to stare. Russel stopped in his tracks, his eyes going wide.

He ignored the others and turned to the girl. Now Jake was peering at him from over Lily's shoulder. "She didn't make all of'em."

She scowled. "I made his."

"How do you know he won't grab one of the ones mom made?" He countered.

"Stop being a jerk."

Daryl sighed and then grabbed the girl, pulling her out of the truck and then offered his hand to Jake, who took it without hesitation before he hopped down. With one kid on his hip and the other clinging to his hand he finally turned and faced the confused men that were making their way towards the truck.

"What?" He asked.

Russel scratched at his bushy beard. "Well, I was comin' over to see if Carol here needed some help and to ask her what the hell she thought she was doin' gropin' my mason. But looks like you have it handled."

"Hi, Russel," Carol said, stepping out from behind the truck.

Russel nodded. "Miss Reynolds. I didn't know that you knew anybody on this crew other than Merle and Shane."

Carol shrugged. "I didn't know I knew anyone from this crew either. But apparently, I do."

Russel eyed Jake and then Daryl and then studied Lily. "I might not be the smartest man in the world but... ain't this kinda scientifically impossible? I mean, if you only known each other a few days?"

Daryl snorted and then sat Lily down. "Long story."

"I can extend lunch a bit to hear this one, boy. I'm all ears," Russel said, the perplexed look on his face almost comical.

Now Shane had joined Russel along with a few of the others. Daryl groaned.

"It actually isn't that long of a story. We met five years ago when he picked me up when I was hitchhiking. We drove across the country. Two teenagers out exploring true freedom for the first time, you can probably imagine what we spent most of our free time doing. We parted ways after a month and then I found out that these to were on the way. He found me yesterday after Merle realized that the kids had to be Daryl's. And now, here we are."

The men gaped, Daryl groaned again and Carol grinned. This was going to be an interesting lunch.


	15. Chapter 15

**AN After this chapter this time! **

**Chapter Fifteen **

Merle didn't have a clue where he was when he woke up. He wasn't in his own room or his own house. Hell, he may not even be in Georgia anymore. He looked around and realized he had passed out on the dirty floor of some fucked up flop of a room. His mouth tasted foul, his stomach heaved and he gagged as he pushed himself up off the floor.

His eyes flitted around the room. It smelled like stale smoke, stale beer and garbage. Their was someone asleep on the couch but his muddled memory wouldn't cooperate. He had no idea who the woman was. He only knew it was a woman at all because she had one arm hanging off the couch and there was no way a man could be that thin.

He remembered going home yesterday morning. He remembered shooting up. He'd made a few phone calls and then people started showing up. He'd told himself that a party was in order. It was the beginning of a new era for him. He no longer had anyone breathing down his neck. He didn't have to do a fucking thing that he didn't want to do. He tried to convince himself that he was better off. He didn't remember a whole lot after his old friends had shown up.

He ran a hand over his head and glanced around again. What was he doing here? Why the fuck had he done what he'd done? A heavy weight settled in his chest and he sat down heavily in a threadbare chair that sat in font of the dirty window. He glanced over, wondering again where he was. That was when he realized the rig that was sitting partially opened on the sill.

He grabbed the box, opening it quickly and glancing up at the sleeping woman on the couch. He peered into the box and then grinned. He snatched the small twisted baggy out of the box and looked it over. The needles were wrapped and everything in the box was clean. He wondered idly if it would have mattered to him if it wasn't.

Minutes later he was grimacing at the burn rushing up his arm. It was a familiar sting at first but it wasn't followed by the head rush that he was expecting. The burn grew progressively worse as the drug flowed through him. He scowled at the feeling and then stood up quickly when his heart lurched painfully.

He stumbled to the couch and kicked it hard. "Hey, what the fuck was in the box, lady?" He asked. Sweat was pouring from him and the girl on the couch didn't stir. He kicked it again, panicking slightly. He reached down to shake her and then stumbled backwards. The girl was cold. Stiff.

"Fuck," he whispered. The fire was spreading throughout his chest now. He tripped over something on his way to the door but righted himself at the last minute. Something told him that if he went down, he wasn't going to get back up. He'd die here. He'd die in some fucking flop where no one knew him. Whatever was in that box had killed the girl on the couch. He was goddamn lucky to be alive as it was.

He leaned into the wall as he walked towards a flight of stairs, blinking sweat out of his eyes. His vision throbbed with every beat of his heart. If he could make it outside he would be okay. He would be fine if...

He yanked the door open and stepped onto the sidewalk, glancing around. Wherever he was it was obvious he was in a really bad part of town. All the buildings here were rundown and the traffic was light. He felt disoriented, dizzy. Before he knew what was happening his legs gave out and he hit the sidewalk hard, lying on his side as a pain slashed through his chest and then his head. He was about to black out.

No. That wasn't exactly true. He was sure he knew what was happening. He wasn't blacking out. He was dying. He was dying on the sidewalk on a dirty street. The last thought he had before his vision went black was of his brother. How he hadn't been able to do for him like he had always wanted. How he was going to die without knowing if the boy would forgive him or not... How thoroughly he had managed to fail.

~H~

To keep the kids occupied until Daryl got home she decided that he probably needed a few things and taking them shopping was better than watching them sulk. She may have gone overboard but all three of them had fun with it. When he'd gotten in bed last night he'd smelled like a jolly rancher so she got him his own soap. After that she just went a little crazy. She didn't think he would stop by the house he'd shared with his brother so he really had nothing.

They bought shirts, pants, boxers, socks, and two new pairs of boots since his had looked pretty worn. Everything that she could think of that he may need, she got it. He'd complain and she would roll her eyes at him and he'd get over it. There wasn't anything he could do about it because the clothes were already hung up and put away in drawers.

She made spaghetti because that was one of the few things that neither of the kids complained about. She wasn't worried about Daryl not liking it because she was sure if he'd eat a rabbit then he would most likely eat anything as long as it passed as food. She was cooking later than usual so he would be able to have a hot meal when he came home. Something told her that his diet consisted of whatever he threw in the microwave after work or food from what ever burger place they passed on the way home from work. Merle sure didn't strike her as the type to cook.

She hadn't heard the van pull into the driveway but she did hear the door slam shut. By the time he walked into the kitchen he'd taken his boots off. Her stomach tightened at the site of him. He was filthy, covered in a layer of sweat and dirt. His shirt clung to him. If they had been alone she would have been all over him.

"You're in trouble. Last time I came in that dirty, mama yelled at me," Jake said worriedly.

Daryl eyed the boy and grinned. "Yeah but she ain't my boss." They both laughed and then his eyes slid over, meeting hers. He winked.

She shook her head and fought a grin of her own. "You go shower and by the time you get done, this will be ready."

"Yes ma'am," he muttered as he passed her.

Lily grinned. "But you said she wasn't your boss!" She called after him.

"I lied. She does the cookin'. She's the boss, little girl. Those are just the rules."

"You have clothes in the closet," she called as soon as he left the room.

He walked back in, a frown pulling his brows together. "I told you not to go buyin' me anything."

She hummed and then stirred the meat sauce. "Okay. I'll go ahead and take it all back. I don't want you to be uncomfortable. I have a couple of nightgowns that are too big for me in the back of the closet. You can go ahead and wear one of them. Tomorrow the kids and I will return everything we bought you today. And since you can't borrow any of Jake's underwear since he's still got some growing to do, you can borrow some of mine. You'd look good in pink."

She kept her face straight as the kids fell into giggles at the table at the picture of their father wearing a nightgown. They were four so they thought she was much funnier than Daryl did.

He muttered something and stalked away.

She called out again. "The rest of your stuff is in our bathroom, not the one off the hall!"

~H~

_Their_ bathroom. He refused to acknowledge how good that sounded in his head. Last night he'd used the other bathroom to take a shower because she'd been in this one getting ready for bed. He hadn't gotten a good look at it the night before. Now he got to appreciate the space. Sharing a bathroom with Merle was flat out fucking gross. He was a goddamn slob.

He wanted to hurry because he was starving but there was one of those huge rainfall shower heads in the middle of the large glass enclosed stall and the pressure felt incredible on his stiff muscles. The shower back at the house he had shared with Merle was cramped and moldy and the nozzle dripped water so slow that it usually took ten minutes just to rinse the shampoo out of his hair. She had gotten him his own stuff to wash with and, damn, he appreciated it. He wasn't used to anyone really thinking about him and the things that he might need. He was used to looking out for himself.

Reluctantly he hurried through it but made a vow to spend a fucking hour in there next time. Preferably with a naked soapy Carol in there with him. Maybe he'd better make it two hours. As he dressed he idly wondered how many gallons the water heater in this place held.

She'd done a good job gauging his size but that didn't really surprise him. It felt good to have something new. The last time he'd had new clothes was when he'd splurged a few years ago on work pants and he bought his shirts in packages of three, usually from the Dollar General. Before he turned the closet light off he glanced down at the floor and shook his head at the new boots sitting there. He was going to have a hard time getting used to this. He appreciated everything she'd done today but he felt a little bad. He didn't want to feel like a leach.

And the boots would have to wait a while to get broken in. He had talked to Russel after lunch, explaining things in more detail and letting him know that he needed to give his notice. He'd even told the man about how bad Lily had been that morning. He wouldn't do that to the girl again. And it wasn't that he wanted to spoil her either. He wanted her to know that she meant more to him than being a good employee. She meant more to him than a job. He needed them to know that just after one day, they meant more to him than anything did. He had never wanted kids but now that he had them all he wanted was to be the best dad he could be. He would wing it and he would do just fine.

So Russel had let him go, assuring him that if he ever wanted to come back, his job would always be there.

Daryl turned off the light and shut the closet door. By the time he got back to the kitchen she was filling their plates. It still felt weird. The scene before him, surreal. A family sitting down to eat an actual meal at an actual table. The sheer normalcy of it had him smiling to himself. Carol said something that had the two of them laughing again and she grinned at them. He smiled but then it faltered.

A memory came, unbidden, to the forefront of his mind. He couldn't have been much older than these two, maybe five years old, and him and Merle were sitting at a table much different than this one. Merle was fourteen at the time.

_Daryl was still hungry, even though he was finished with his dinner. There hadn't been much to begin with. His mom and dad were sitting across from him and he knew that he shouldn't. He knew that he had already eaten his share but there was one more hot dog on the plate in the center of the table and it didn't look like anyone else was going to eat it. _

_ Reluctantly he reached for it, glancing up to make sure his dad wasn't looking. Apparently he'd been watching out of the corner of his eye, catching Daryl in the act of "stealing" the last of the food. The man was fast. One second he was sitting there, paying no mind to the boy, and the next thing Daryl knew he was knocked clean out of his seat. _

_ He'd rolled over onto his back and that was when Merle got up, shoving the table so hard that bo__th__ their mom and dad were knocked backwards onto the floor. Daryl scrambled up, backing against the counter as Merle rounded the table and launched himself at the man. _

_ The police came later. Daryl had stayed silent as they asked him questions and then Merle was hauled off in cuffs. It wasn't the first time. Before he was taken away he'__d__ knelt down in front of him. _

_ "You just keep yourself scarce, little brother. __You watch yourself, keep quiet and stay outta the way. I can't keep an eye on you from Juvie. Maybe when I get out I can figure out a way to get you outta here, okay?"_

_ Daryl had nodded, forcing back the tears as Merle was hauled off. He kept himself scarce but as soon as the last cop car pulled away, he had paid for what Merle had done._

He swallowed thickly and shook the memory. That wasn't his life anymore. This was his life. And it was going to be a good life.

"You like your clothes?" Lily beamed as he sat down across from her.

He nodded. "Sure do."

The girl grinned and dug in messily. He did the same but a few seconds later he felt Carol's hand on his knee. He glanced over and she was frowning, a worried look in her eyes. He held her gaze and then felt the corner of his mouth turn up. She searched his face for a few more moments before turning her attention back to her own plate.

**I'm so sorry to all of you that wanted to see Merle in a better light than the one I've put him in but I needed this to happen in order to get anywhere with this story! I'll post the next chapter first thing tomorrow so you don't have to wait too long to find out what happens! Thanks for reading! =)**


	16. Chapter 16

**I forgot that this was just a Caryl chapter and it didn't shed light on the Merle situation. It's okay though. I won't leave you hanging for long! Thanks for reading!**

**Chapter Sixteen **

Carol let him handle bedtime because he seemed to be better at it than her. Or the kids just wanted to impress him with how well behaved they were. She didn't think it was going to last too long, though. She knew the two of them well and knew that they were likely just feeling him out before they gave him trouble and she was looking forward to watching how he would deal with that. She wondered how Lily would handle the day without him now that she understood that he was coming home every day. She was hoping that when she sent him off in the morning he wouldn't feel so guilty.

She turned down the sheets and yawned loudly. She hadn't gone back to bed after Daryl had left for work this morning and she was feeling it. She could only imagine how warn out he must be after working all day. She climbed into bed, reveling in the feel of the sheets on her skin. Thankful, not for the first time, that Avery had managed to introduce her to at least a few of the finer things in life.

She left the bedside lamp burning so he wouldn't have to stumble around in the dark. She wanted to ask him about tonight. Something had happened before he'd sat down at the table. She had seen the look before, back in Arizona, and she had hated it then just like she hated it now. It was like an old ghost ran it's finger down his spine out of nowhere and he would have to shake it off.

She wanted to distract him from whatever it was that had decided to haunt him before dinner. She wanted to chase that desolate look away and make sure it never came back, but she couldn't. Whatever it was that crept into his mind during those moments were things that had nothing to do with her. All she could do now was try as hard as she could to make his life as good as it could be because he deserved it. He was a good man. He was the best man she'd ever met and she wanted desperately for him to have everything he deserved.

She thought about taking her bra and underwear off. Maybe coming to bed and finding her naked would chase those ghosts away. Instead she kept them on because he seemed to enjoy it. She'd rummaged through the bag that Avery had left her and found the sexiest set she could find.

When he came in she was so relieved to see that he had a grin on his face and he was shaking his head. She sat up, careful to keep the blanket pulled up. "What's so funny?"

He stripped off his shirt and headed straight for the bed. "I ain't ever gonna get used to this," he said, but he laughed.

She raised a brow. "What?"

"Jake tried to convince me to lay in here until you went to sleep and then get up so me and him could watch manly movies without you and Lily. Apparently you won't let him watch anything bloody and he says it's crap cause he's a boy. You just don't get things like that."

She rolled her eyes. "And of course you told him that he was too young and his mom is only looking out for him."

He shrugged and then stripped out of his jeans. "Nope. I let him put in a Spongebob dvd and I told him to give me an hour and I'd be back with somethin' better fit for a boy of four years old."

She sighed. "Like?"

He shrugged. "Don't worry about it," he crawled in bed and collapsed onto his stomach stretching.

"Don't tell me not to worry about it. What are you gonna let him watch?" She asked, coming up on her knees and eyeing his back. She barely noticed the scars there. They had always just been a part of him. She sighed when he didn't give up anymore information. She wasn't going to ruin their fun. She just had to hope that whatever Daryl picked out for their son to watch, it wasn't full of nudity.

His eyes were closed but his head was turned towards her. She pushed his hair out of his face and kissed his jaw lightly. He opened one eye and squinted up at her.

"I don't see how you're going to manage to stay up so late. You barely slept last night, you worked all day and you have to do it all again tomorrow," she said as she slid one leg over him until she was straddling his back.

He shrugged his shoulders and then let go of a pained groan when her hands started working over the stiff muscles. "Guess that's one of the good things about bein' one of those young dads, right? Stamina."

She laughed and then leaned down, her lips grazing the back of his neck. "Did you talk to your boss today?" She asked, her lips grazing his ear.

He rolled over onto his back but before he answered he really looked at her and his brows went up. His eyes roamed over her for a second. "Son of a bitch," he muttered, his voice low as his hands ran over her thighs.

She smiled, glad that the skimpy get up had the right effect on him. "Are you tired?" She asked.

He shook his head quickly and pulled her down. He didn't kiss her like an exhausted man. She pulled away and then surprised him when she stood up right there in the middle of the bed. He quickly shed the boxers he'd been wearing when he climbed into bed. He sat up then, his fingers hooking into her underwear and working them down her thighs. He looked up, meeting her eyes and licking lips almost nervously.

When she settled back down she pushed his chest until his back hit the mattress but he came right back up on his elbows. His eyes looked down between their bodies and she watched him watch her come up on her knees. His nostrils flared when she ran her hand over him and then she sank down onto him slowly. His pupils dilated, his eyes darkening as his breath rushed out of him.

She planted her hands on his chest and pushed him down again. She was sure that there would never be a day that she would get used to this. They shared a synchronicity that probably took most people years to perfect. Their bodies taking on a mind of their own, their hearts pounding out the same rhythm. When he kissed her she could feel the emotion that he held just below the surface. She could almost taste the fear that was hidden there and she understood it because she lived there too. The fear that something could happen again and they would find themselves without the other again. After all this time, it was logical to be afraid that somehow it would all get ripped away again.

His work roughened hands slid over her back, drawing her closer as he moved with her and her name left his lips, barely whispered. There was a warning there, causing her to smile as that familiar thrill had her bearing down on him harder. A growl rumbled low in his chest and the sound vibrated through her.

Her release was intense and she choked back a cry. His hands gripped her hips hard, moving her over him in a way that increased the friction for both of them and making it impossible for him to hold back. She pulled back just enough to meet his eyes as the heat of his own release poured into her.

His fingers ran lightly over her back, causing her to squirm before she pushed herself up, bracing herself on his chest. She grinned at him and he shook his head, fighting a grin of his own but it finally won out. There wasn't a trace of that look he'd had right before dinner and she was glad.

"As much as I'd like to stay, I gotta movie to watch," he said as she moved off of him.

She frowned and glanced at the clock. "It's almost eleven. You're not gonna get any sleep if you go."

He shrugged. "I'm not goin' in tomorrow. Or the day after that. Or the day after that."

Her eyes grew wide and she sat up, rolling so he was trapped under her again. "You actually quit?" She asked, unable to hide how thrilled she was.

He nodded. "I didn't tell them yet though. I figured I'd get'em up early and take them out to the woods. I wanna get a look at your property anyway."

"Our property. I already told you, I sold pictures of you and got paid for it. It's your money too. Stop acting like you're too good for it. It's rude. But they're going to freak out when you wake them up and tell them."

He snorted and sat up, his arms locking around her. "You can sleep in. I think I can handle breakfast."

She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him soundly. "You cook?"

"I saw pop tarts in the pantry," he deadpanned.

She rolled her eyes. "That isn't very healthy. Avery bought those and I put them out of their reach on purpose."

"Well, stayin' up past midnight watching First Blood ain't very healthy either, but that's exactly what me and the boy are about to do," he said as he lifted her off of his lap easily. "Lily kinda demands the room, ya know? Jake just hangs back and I don't want him feelin' like that's where he belongs. How the hell do you do it? Balance things with'em like you do? Make sure one ain't feelin' left out or less important?" He asked.

She smiled, studying his face. He wanted so badly to be good at this but he didn't have to even try because he seemed to be a natural. "It just kind of works out. But I do agree that this will be good for him. I'm not sure but I think he's still a little apprehensive. Like he might still be a little bit scared that this might all disappear on him."

He sighed, pushing his hair back from his face. "How the hell is he so much like me without me ever even being around?"

"I have no idea," she said as her smile morphed into a grin.

"I'll think of somethin' for just me and Lily to do too. One on one time and all that shit," he said, glancing around on the floor.

She watched him slip his boxers back on and then climb out of the bed. "You have some pajamas in the second drawer down."

He snorted but then went to have a look anyway. He pulled out some plaid flannel pajama bottoms and held them up. "You really expect me to wear these?"

She nodded burrowing into the blanket with a grin.

He pulled them on and then looked down. "I look like a dumb ass."

She raised back up, her eyes wide. "Actually you look really sexy."

He flipped her off and then slipped out the door. She turned the lamp off and let her head hit the pillow. She smiled to herself in the dark. She couldn't even feel cheated for him abandoning her because he was right. Since he got there Lily had been the one to demand all of his attention while Jake hung back. This was going to be good for the boy.

And she was going to get to sleep in. She hadn't slept in since the night they had been born. Alone in the bed, she drifted off easily, the smile never completely leaving her lips.


	17. Chapter 17

**Hello! Sorry for the delay but this one is a little longer so I'm hoping that makes up for it! And trust me, I do agree that First Blood is a little much for a four year old. lol I picked that one for sentimental reasons. My grandpa let me watch that with him when I was about that age and I became obsessed with Rambo and was pretty sure I had the coolest grandpa in the world. Rocky would have been a totally better choice! But I hope you all enjoy this chapter and, as always, thanks so much for reading! **

**Chapter Seventeen **

Daryl was half expecting the boy to be asleep when he slipped into his room but he wasn't. He was sitting on the floor with his back leaned against the side of the bed, watching cartoons. When he saw Daryl come in out of the corner of his eye he stood up quickly.

"I thought you fell asleep," he said in a conspiratorial tone.

Daryl shook his head. "Nope."

"Did you get it?" he asked excitedly.

Daryl held up the DVD. "Yep. But it ain't much of a secret. I told your mama what we were up to."

Jake's face fell a little. "So, I guess I should go to bed now, huh?"

Daryl grinned. "Nope. She's all for it."

The boys face grew pensive. "But you told her. She never lets us stay up so late."

Daryl nodded and then held up the plastic bag he was holding in his other hand. "I told her about the movie but I left out the best part." He felt the boy's eyes on him as he started the movie.

"What's in the bag?" he asked following Daryl onto the bed and leaning his back against the wall next to him.

"Somethin' that your mom would skin me over," he said mysteriously. He reached in and pulled out two spoons, handing the boy one of them and then produced a pint of chocolate ice cream.

Jake grinned, inching closer, like he wasn't sure if Daryl wanted him to sit too close. He hated that the kid was so unsure so he opened the lid to the ice cream and then pulled him right onto his lap. "She's gonna do more than skin ya," Jake said, scooping up a large glob and popping it into his mouth. "You ain't just lettin' me eat after supper. You're lettin' me eat ice cream in the middle of the night and if that ain't bad enough, you're eatin' it too right here in the bed. She'd skin us both. You better hope she don't come snoopin'."

Daryl laughed. "I'm not scared of your mama."

"You should be," Jake said absently, his eyes glued to the TV now that the movie started. "She's mostly nice but I've seen her mad. She's pretty tough too."

Daryl shook his head. "Then if she catches us, I'm the one in trouble. Not you."

This seemed to appease the boy and he relaxed, finally leaning back and making himself more comfortable. To his surprise, Daryl felt comfortable too. He wasn't forcing this. Once he calmed down and didn't feel so pressured, this was coming naturally. Of course, he was breaking all sorts of rules but he wanted to start out on the right foot. He wanted to build a relationship that was just theirs. He wanted to build a relationship with both of them that they would look back on and feel good about. Not like his own childhood had been. And the boy was a lot more leery than his sister, waiting patiently for a chance to ask Daryl questions. Lily talked a mile a minute, didn't hesitate to lead Daryl around and show him this or that, and Jake would just be quiet and wait his turn. Despite the fact that he was damn glad the little girl was already bonding with him so soon, he didn't want Jake to feel left out.

"This is so great," Jake said after they both gave up on the ice cream.

Daryl leaned his head back against the wall and put his other arm around the boy. "Yeah, it is."

"It's gonna be nice havin' another man around," Jake muttered.

Daryl glanced down at the top of the boy's head. "Yeah, I reckon it will be. You done a good job so far, though. Pretty brave move comin' outside like you did when I first got here cause you thought your mom might be in trouble."

Jake shrugged. "Lily ain't ever really worried about stuff ever so I'm stuck worryin' for the two of us. Like all them times mama didn't know I was payin' attention to how sad she was. Lily believed her when she said she was just tired but I never did."

Daryl swallowed hard. "Well, now you ain't gotta worry about anything. And if you start to feel like you're about to worry then you just let me know and then I can either fix the worryin' or I can worry with you and keep you company. But you gotta be straight with me and let me know."

The boy was quiet for long time and when he finally spoke again Daryl had to lean down to hear the words. "I've been a little bit worried."

"There you go. What about?"

"I guess I'm worried that you ain't gonna much like it here. And if you don't like it here then maybe you'll decide that it'd be better to live somewhere else. I even told Lily to stop talkin' so much, in case it might bother you but she don't listen to anybody. Sometimes she don't even listen to mama. I want you to like it here."

He winced. It was so fucking clear that both of his kids had issues because of his absence in their lives. This little one was just a lot better at hiding it. He wasn't sure how to reassure a four year old kid but he had to try so he took a deep breath. "I hadn't ever liked anywhere I'd ever been until the day I met your mom. I was just a little bit messed up and maybe someday I'll tell you all about that. But when I met her all that changed for me. I was happy no matter where we were or what we were doin'. Then I had to leave and I thought that I lost all that and then I wasn't happy about anything. I didn't think I ever would be again and then all a sudden, I found her again. And then I found out about you and your sister. And now the three of you are the only things in the whole fuckin' world that matter to me. Home ain't a house or a place and you need to remember that. Even if the four of us have to live in a box under a bridge, I'm gonna be happy because I'm gonna be with you and your mom and your sister and I swear, I ain't ever gonna go anywhere. You're stuck with me for the rest of my life so you ain't gotta worry about whether or not I like it here. Cause I love it here. Cause I love your mom and I love you and I love your sister and that ain't ever gonna change no matter how much Lily talks or how much trouble I get in for lettin' you eat ice cream in bed after supper. You understand?"

The boy turned in his lap and met his eyes and Daryl was once again startled by the resemblance. He held his gaze and finally the corner of Jake's mouth turned up and he nodded. "I understand."

"Good," he said firmly. "Cause us guys, we kind of have to stick together and I can't have you thinkin' I'd split on you."

"But we still gotta take Lily with us when we go to the woods?" Jake asked, his voice hopeful.

Daryl laughed. "Yeah, we gotta take Lily. Fair is fair and she can learn just as much as you can out there."

"I guess it won't be too bad," he said, settling back down.

Daryl rested his chin on top of the boy's head. "Nah. Won't be too bad at all."

~H~

Carol woke up to the sound of the alarm. She didn't know when Daryl had came to bed because she hadn't even woken up. She cursed herself for that as she rolled over, throwing an arm around him.

He grumbled and then shut off the annoying buzz.

"I thought you weren't working?" She mumbled sleepily.

He rolled into her, his lips on hers before she could even open her eyes. "I ain't. Remember, I gotta date. We're hittin' the woods. Don't expect us back till lunch time."

She sighed. "I get to go back to sleep..."

He chuckled. "Yep."

"This feels amazing," she muttered. His lips grazed hers once more and then he was out of bed. She burrowed into the blanket, making a content sound. "Be careful," she managed before she drifted back to sleep.

She woke up again to the shrill ringing of her phone. She frowned and blinked at the clock and then her eyes widened when she saw that it was almost ten in the morning. The ring tone told her that whoever was calling wasn't one of her regular contacts or a song would have played instead of the ringing. She grabbed it, looking at the screen with a frown. It was Russel. "Hello?"

"Carol? Is Daryl around? I need to talk to him," the man said, sounding off.

She frowned and threw the covers back, slipping out of bed. "No, I'm sorry. He took the kids and left earlier. Is something wrong?" She didn't have to ask because she could tell by the sound of the man's voice that there was something troubling him.

"Well, I got a call a few minutes ago. Apparently a nurse found my card in Merle's wallet and decided to call me. They were looking for the number of a relative but I wanted to call Daryl before they did. They wouldn't tell me much but I'm thinkin' it must be bad. They seemed pretty eager to reach his next of kin."

Carol felt her heart sink. "Do you think he's been in an accident or something?"

Russel seemed to hesitate but finally he sighed heavily into the phone. "I'm thinkin' maybe it had somethin' to do with drugs. He was suppose to be in rehab but I don't think he went."

"Oh my God," Carol muttered, wishing that Daryl were there. He wouldn't be home with the kids for hours. "What hospital?" She asked, making a split second decision.

Russel told her and she ended the call. She dressed hurriedly, put her hair up and then grabbed a notebook from the drawer of her nightstand. She jotted down a message and stuck it to the fridge, explaining to him where she was and why and to come as soon as he got back with the kids. She couldn't even guess where they could be or she would have tried to find him. There wasn't any time for that though. If Merle was in bad enough condition for the hospital to call Russel then... She shook the thought.

Daryl was not going to lose his brother just when he found her and his kids. It wouldn't be fair. That couldn't happen to him. She knew that he was upset about what Merle had done but he was still Daryl's brother. He was still family. And, he was the only uncle her children had. They deserved to know him. He wouldn't die.

She grabbed the keys to her car and took off, hoping Daryl and the kids got home sooner and could meet her there. She didn't speed but she felt like she should have. She had to face the facts and the facts were, whatever had happened to Daryl's brother was probably bad and he could very well lose him. What if he... She shook the thought and parked as close to the entrance as she could.

She had to stand there and wait as the woman at the front desk arranged for her to see him. When the woman asked if she were family she had claimed to be his sister-in-law. The lie had left her lips easily. She was told to take a seat and the doctor would be out to see her. This made her even more nervous.

There were others waiting in the room. People waiting to see loved ones, some with puffy eyes and clinging to tissues. Others, mostly the men in the room, stoic and silent. She studied each individual face, finding beauty in their desolation, and idly wished she had a camera. She scolded herself, frowning at her insensitive thoughts but she didn't have time to dwell because someone was approaching her.

"Mrs. Dixon?" The man asked with a small reassuring smile.

She nodded, blushing furiously and not sure why. She stood up and took the hand the Doctor offered. He didn't really look old enough to be a doctor at all but that was something she would wonder about later. "Is he..."

"It was touch and go for a while. His heart stopped in the ambulance but they were able to bring him back. It happened again once he was brought in. He's awake but he isn't a very cooperative man. Something tells me that it has more to do with his general personality than the overdose."

"So, it was drugs?"

The man nodded, flipped through a few papers on the clip board he was holding. "Yes ma'am. And this isn't the first case we've gotten. There seems to be an epidemic. A new brand of heroin that's much more potent than what used to flow through these streets. Users assume they have a ready tolerance for it but it takes much less of this type to achieve the high. It's also full of additives. He is far from the first case I've seen, even just within the last twenty four hours."

She bit her lip and glanced at the closed door they had stopped in front of. "Is he going to pull through?"

"He's going to live, if that's what you're asking. From the looks of it, he's not a heavy user. There weren't many track marks and his veins are healthy. The problem with this drug is, no one simply tries it. As soon as they get that first hit, that becomes their focus. A urine analysis showed traces of other drugs. My advice would be to try to get him into a rehabilitation center as soon as he gets released."

Carol nodded, surprised that Merle had such a problem that Daryl had never mentioned. Of course, they hadn't had a whole lot of time to discuss very much. The doctor opened the door and motioned for her to go on inside.

"Good luck, Mrs. Dixon. You'll need it with this one," he said sympathetically.

The door closed behind her and she found herself standing there under the suspicious gaze of Merle Dixon.

Now that she knew who he was she studied him more closely. This was the man that had caused her and Daryl so much heartache. But it hadn't been intentional and she refused to let herself resent him for it. She had wasted enough of her time on hating Merle Dixon. He had realized his mistake and he had righted his wrongs.

"Weasely little cock sucker couldn't even come to the goddamn hospital?" He asked after a heavy silence.

She swallowed and walked further into the room. He was pale, drawn and scowling at her. "I got the call this morning. He wasn't home so I came. He'll be here."

"Home, huh?" Merle sneered. "Looks like he moved right on up. Just hope he remembers that white trash don't wash off."

She eyed him and then sat down in the chair closest to the bed. "How do you feel?" She asked, ignoring his open animosity.

Merle rolled his eyes. "You got what you wanted, lady. You ain't gotta keep up appearances with me."

She swallowed hard, reminding herself that he was hurting because of his brother and she just happened to be the one that he could blame for that pain. "I'm not here because I think I need to keep up appearances. I'm here because I got a phone call saying you were here. No matter how we feel about one another, you're Daryl's brother. You're my kids uncle and..."

"The boy. I'm the boy's goddamn uncle. Just because you're fuckin' my brother again don't mean I gotta play kin to some little girl that happens to belong to you," he snapped, his eyes boring into hers hard. "You ain't shit to me lady, and neither is your illegitimate daughter."

She realized then that he couldn't have known. She wasn't sure if it would matter either way. He was going to be openly hostile regardless. "Actually, she _is_ your niece. They're twins, Merle. She doesn't look as much like her dad, but she's still his. As for me, you're one hundred percent right. I'm not shit to you and that's okay because I don't need to be. But if you ever talk about either one of my children in that tone of voice again I'll be happy to take that IV out of your arm and shove it straight up your hateful ass."

He looked surprised for a few seconds and then composed himself. "Why don't you take your empty threats and get the fuck outta here, lady."

"Why don't you stop acting like an overgrown child and tell me how you feel. I'm not leaving you alone until Daryl gets here."

He stared at her, his eyes narrowed. She stared right back unflinchingly.


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter Eighteen **

Daryl stared down at the note in his hands, his heart sinking to his feet. Merle had done it. He'd finally managed to put himself in the fucking hospital with his stupid decisions. He wanted to be pissed off but it wasn't easy because he was suddenly terrified. Carol hadn't known details. What if he...

He shook his head and then looked down at Jake and Lily, who seemed to have sensed his distress and were waiting for him to say something. They were filthy, covered in mud and dirt and grass stains. He needed to go but he had to take them with him and he couldn't take them looking like two orphaned pups. He had no idea how to go about getting two kids ready to leave the house.

"You two know how to get yourselves dressed? He asked, hoping to God they did.

They shared a look and then nodded.

He turned Lily around and started picking leaves out of her curls. "Okay, we gotta go somewhere and I need you two to get your asses changed, okay?"

"Did somethin' bad happen?" Jake asked.

Daryl met the boys eyes. "I ain't sure yet. You're mom's okay though. Don't worry about that."

They hurried off to their rooms and he was stripping off his dirty shirt before he even made it to his. He changed quickly, shoving his feet into the new boots because his old ones were soaked. They'd discovered a wide shallow creek on the property and he hadn't been able to resist wading through it, which meant the kids had followed suit. They'd spent the better part of the afternoon hunting crawdads.

He stepped out into the hall and then stopped when he saw them. They were still dirty but they were changed. Jake looked normal for the most part but Lily looked like she was about to head out to a Halloween party. She was wearing a pair of jeans that looked okay but she had paired it with a bright yellow dress that feel to her knees and a purple vest with fringes and beads hanging from it. Her shoes were neon green and there was a black fedora plopped on her head.

"Mama picks out her clothes," Jake said suddenly. "Now I know why."

Lily scowled, her nose wrinkling up. "Well, I like it. I don't know why I have to wear boring things when I have better things."

"Fuck it, you look great," Daryl said as he ushered them into the bathroom so he could wipe off their faces and make them wash their hands. He picked them both up, sitting them down on the long counter and grabbed a wash cloth.

"See, daddy thinks I look great," Lily grumbled as he wiped the dirt away.

Jake just shook his head and cleaned himself up without another word. Daryl examined their faces and decided they would pass as clean for now. He sat them back down and led them out to the garage. When he opened the door to the SUV he started to usher them in and then stopped.

"What the hell's this?" He asked, looking at what looked like two car seats.

"We gotta sit in these things till we're bigger," Jake explained.

Daryl ran a hand through his hair. He didn't know how these goddamn things worked.

"Here," Lily said, climbing up and sitting in the seat closest to the door. "You do it like this." She grabbed the seat belt and pulled it down, checking to make sure it was slid through the notch. Daryl was so damn thankful that these kids knew what they were doing when he sure as hell didn't. He kissed her cheek quickly and was rewarded with a beaming smile.

"Thank fuck you two are smarter than me," he muttered, fastening the belt.

"Thank fuck is right. Maybe we got it from mama," Lily said, her eyes wide and serious.

He couldn't help but laugh and then lifted Jake up, going around so he could make sure he was strapped in. He wondered how the hell Carol managed this back in the beginning. Now they were old enough to at least help him out a little. She'd been stuck alone with two babies. Jesus Christ, that must have been hard.

"I'm hungry," Lily chirped from the back seat.

He glanced up in the rear view mirror. He forgot to feed them. Goddamn, he was bad at this. "You wanna happy meal or somethin'? Do you all eat those?"

"Mama says they're bad for us," Jake said sadly.

Daryl snorted. "Well, your mama ain't here and you're hungry and I can't very well stop on the side of the road and whip you up a home cooked meal so you two are gonna eat some burgers."

He glanced in the mirror again and saw them share a grin. He really wanted to hurry but he had to feed them something. Carol would forgive one damn happy meal. Maybe she'd freak about the ice cream in bed but she couldn't fault him today for being in a hurry. He had been hungry himself but his appetite was gone so he ordered them their food. He was about to hand it to them and then pulled the boxes back and sat them on the passenger seat. If one of them got choked or something while he was driving he'd a have a goddamn heart attack.

~H~

Carol wanted to leave. He had told her to leave several times but she had a feeling that if she didn't stand her ground with him now, that's how things would be with him for the rest of her life. And regardless of what he said, she didn't want him to be alone. When he had driven away he had obviously been distraught enough to go drown himself in drugs. This ended today. Daryl had to let this go.

"I've told you a hundred goddamn times that I don't want him here," Merle muttered, his eyes not leaving the TV.

She shrugged. "And I told you a hundred times that I don't care what you want. He's your brother and he needs to talk to you."

"How the hell does he put up with your shit? Are you always like this?"

Carol shrugged. "He doesn't act like a bastard so I don't have to give him any shit."

He finally pulled his gaze away from the screen and met her eyes. "Look, he's got his fuckin' family now, alright? I should sue this goddamn hospital for contacting you in the first damn place. You ain't any kind of family to me."

She sighed and shook her head, glancing up at the clock. "I need a drink. You want something from the vending machines?"

He leaned his head back and stared at the ceiling. "Get me a coke if you're insistin' on payin'."

She nodded and walked out into the hall, feeling tired already. He was so bitter and he obviously hated her and she wished he didn't. The sound of footsteps approaching had her looking up and she felt her eyes widen at the panic in Daryl's eyes. He ushered the kids towards her. She finally took in Lily's appearance and her brows shot up. He had to have let her pick out her own clothes once they had gotten back.

"Is he..." Daryl's voice hung there because he was unable to even ask.

She offered him a reassuring smile. "He's the rudest, grouchiest, meanest man I have ever had the displeasure of being around, but he's alive."

He glanced at the door and then back to her. "You been in there this whole time?"

She nodded and watched some of the tension leave him. "It hasn't exactly been easy but I didn't want him to be alone, even though he told me he'd rather be alone then have to look at my uppity ass all afternoon."

He shook his head. "I don't want them in there. He's liable to say anything and I'd hate to punch him in the face since I'm so damn glad he's alive."

She nodded, hoping he'd say that. "I'll take them to the lounge." She paused in front of him, her hand on his shoulder. "He's really hurting, Daryl. Don't forget that, okay?"

He nodded before kissing her quickly. "Thanks for comin'. You didn't have to do that."

She stepped away and grabbed the kids by the hand. They were both clinging to a cardboard happy meal box and watching her like they were sure that she was going to take them away. "You two need to sit down and eat your first garbage meal. Enjoy it too because it might possibly be your last."

He smiled but it didn't reach his eyes. She didn't envy him. Maybe Merle would go easier on him since he was his brother but she doubted it. There was a lot of bitterness in that man. She had to constantly remind herself that it was pain causing him to lash out.

~H~

When he stepped into the room he came up short, his chest growing tight with worry. Merle looked bad. Then again, the doctor told him that he had died twice so he very well should have looked bad. He was pale and his eyes seemed sunken in. He didn't look like a man in his thirties. He looked old, frail. He didn't look like his brother at all.

Merle finally looked over, blinked in surprise and then scowled, turning his head back towards the TV. "I ain't in the mood for none of your bullshit. You can take that self righteous girl of yours and go the fuck back to your big nice house. I ain't got no brother, remember?"

Daryl took a deep breath and tried to bite back the anger. "That your excuse? You got your feelin's hurt so you take off and damn near kill yourself?"

Merle glared at the TV. "Why the fuck did you come here?"

Daryl ran a hand over his face. Merle was the most frustrating person he'd ever had to deal with in his life. Hell, his kids were four years old and acted more grown up than Merle did. "I came cause I'm the only goddamn family you got. I came cause I didn't know what the hell was wrong!"

"Like I said, I ain't got a brother, so turn your ass around, take your goddamn family, and stay the fuck outta my hair. I don't need you here. I don't want you here."

Daryl couldn't hold back the anger anymore. "You ruined my goddamn life and now you're gonna lay there and try to make me feel guilty for the shit I said to you? Do you see how fucked up that is?"

Merle looked disgusted but he didn't say anything.

"Don't you wanna know them at all?" He asked, not understanding why the hell Merle had to be so goddamn cold right now. Carol had been right. Merle was his brother, no matter what he had done, and he was their uncle and they needed to know him.

Merle looked up at that and even though he tried to hide it under that mask of anger, Daryl could see a spark of hope there. "That woman of yours ain't gonna let them kids have a damn thing to do with me. They're your family, not mine."

"That woman is the one that told me to get the hell over it. She's the one that said they needed to know you. And she was right, but not like this, Merle. You usin' that shit around me is one thing but I ain't havin' that shit around them. I want you there, Carol wants you there, but not if you can't stop."

He looked down at the IV in his arm, staring at it for a long time before looking back up, meeting Daryl's eyes again. He took a deep steadying breath and then finally nodded. "Look at your ass. All paternal already."

Daryl rolled his eyes.

Merle cursed, shaking his head. "You know, I remember when I hit the ground, layin' out there on the sidewalk thinkin' that it was it. I knew I was dead. I'd fucked up one too many times and it was over. The last damn thing I remember thinkin' was how bad I had messed everything up for you. How bad I wrecked shit for you. Whether I ever come around you or your family or not, in case this is the last time we talk, you gotta know that if I had it to do over, I wouldn't have forced your hand like that. I wouldn't take that much away from you, not even on my worst days."

Daryl swallowed hard and nodded. "I know." He was surprised Merle had said anything at all, knew how much it had taken for him to say what he had said, just like the other day when he had apologized for forcing him to come home. "But this ain't gonna be the last time we talk, alright. I'm doin' okay so far but at the end of the day, I want my brother back."

Merle wasn't looking at him now but Daryl could see his resolve slipping.


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter Nineteen**

Carol fidgeted in the hard plastic chair, waiting on Daryl to come back from talking to his brother. She hoped he had better luck than she had had.

"We caught lobsters," Lily said around a mouth full of fries.

Jake rolled his eyes, looking too wise for his age. "They were crawl deads, dummy."

Carol gave him a look. "Actually they're called crawfish and do not call your sister a dummy. They do look a little like lobsters."

"Dad says they're called crawl deads," Jake muttered under his breath.

Carol looked up at the sound of heavy footsteps approaching outside of the lounge. She already knew it was him. She knew the distinct sound his footsteps made as each foot hit the ground, knew the exact way his body would shift with each step. She sighed, her pulse picking up. She would never take his presence for granted. He stepped in, looking much more relaxed than he looked when she had first seen him.

"Everything okay?" She asked, glancing at the kids who were staring up with wide eyes, watching Daryl.

He blew out a breath and sat down heavily in the seat next to her. "I don't know," he said, his voice glum.

She had been thinking since she got here but she wasn't so sure she should suggest anything to him just yet. He had taken a shaking blow today and maybe he needed time to just think about things for a while.

"He's gonna be in here at least another day," he said, reaching over and stealing a fry from Lily.

"Then he can go home or... Will he be arrested?"

He sighed, chewing miserably. "Other than bein' half dead, he didn't have anything on him. He wasn't in the process of selling anything or buyin' anything so there really wouldn't be a reason for them to lock him up. If they'd raided the house he'd been in then I suppose he could get busted for somethin' if he was in it, especially since he's got a hell of a record. This ain't the first time he's gone on a dope bender."

"When can he leave?" She asked.

He rubbed a hand over his face. "That's the thing. They'll release him tomorrow but they're sayin' he's gonna need to take it easy. He's gonna need time for his body to get it's strength back."

She watched him as he looked between Jake and Lily and then shook his head, running a hand through his hair before looking at her. She reached out, grabbing his hand. She knew that he wanted to help his brother, but he wouldn't leave them even to do that. He was torn and she couldn't stand seeing him this way. Being with someone meant that you had to make sacrifices but this one was too great for him. It would hurt him and she wouldn't see him hurt. Not when she had a solution. "We'll bring him back with us. I'll get the guest room ready tonight and tomorrow you can pick him up."

He looked at her, lost for words for a few moments before he shook his head. "The man is toxic right now, Carol. You know it. He ain't your problem. I'll figure somethin' out."

She scowled at him. "He's _our_ problem. Do you really think I'll sit back and let you take this on by yourself? He needs you, and that's okay, but it's high time that Merle Dixon's stubborn ass learns that we're a package deal. Of course I don't want to deal with that man but he's family and I'll be damned if I watch you suffer because you think that I would make you choose between us or him. You love him, he's your brother and he's coming home with us."

"He's gonna pitch the biggest fit you ever heard," he grumbled but she could see the relief in his eyes. "You don't know how damn awful that man can be when he's in a mood like he is now."

She squeezed his hand. "I'll be right back."

"Where the hell are you goin'?" He asked, frowning.

She kissed him quickly and left the room without a word. She knew he didn't want to talk to Merle about this so she would just do it herself. She wasn't afraid of him. When she stepped into his room and shut the door firmly behind her he looked over sharply.

"Girl, you can't take a hint to save your life, can you?" He asked.

She shook her head. "No, I can't. Tomorrow we're picking you up and bringing you home with us. Other than clothes, is there anything Daryl needs to get from your house?"

His eyes widened and he sat up straighter. "Have you lost your goddamn mind! I ain't takin' no charity from you!"

"I haven't lost my mind, Merle, but my patience is another story. You need someone to help you and we're all you have. There's plenty of room. You'll have your own space and you'll either learn to like it there or you can be a miserable bastard the whole time, it doesn't matter to me either way. Daryl isn't going to be forced to choose between us. For whatever reason, he wants to help you and this is how he's gonna be able to do that." She said this all in a rush, her arms crossed defensively over her chest.

"You can't force me to go to your house," he said angrily.

"No, but I can use my notoriety to pull some strings and I'll have you thrown into rehab before you can blink if you really want to try me. You almost killing yourself hurt him enough and I won't have him being hurt by you anymore. What you did to us is water under the bridge as far I'm concerned because you didn't know everything back then. You didn't know about any of it and I can forgive you for that easily. Daryl could have stayed with me back then if he'd chosen to do that but he wanted to make sure you were okay, because he loves you," She shook her head, her heart pounding hard in her chest. "But I won't let you hurt him just because you can and that's exactly what you're doing."

"I brought him right to your goddamn door knowin' what it would cost me!" He barked, causing her to jump. "I didn't ask him for his fuckin' help and I'd rather have my ass locked in rehab than deal with you and your holier than thou goddamn shit!"

She nodded, her eyes locked onto his and pulled her phone out of her pocket, working furiously. It only took her a few moments to find a number for a clinic in the city.

"What the hell are you doin'?" He growled.

She looked up from the phone and then held it up, her brows going up. "Looking up a clinic to call."

"You evil fuckin' bitch!" He roared.

She raised one eyebrow at him. "You just said-"

"Put that goddamn thing away!" He growled.

"So tomorrow, when he comes to pick you up, you're going to come home with him willingly?"

Merle ran a hand over his face and stared up at the ceiling. "I'll go, but I'm tellin' you right now I'm gonna make your life suck."

"Bring it on, Merle. I'm a lot stronger than I look. I was an unwed teenage mother of two and came out on the other side just fine. You do not scare me."

He didn't look at her but she could see in the tight set of his jaw that he was furious. "Get out," he said, his voice deathly calm.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Merle," she said with a thin smile. She slipped out of his room without another word.

~H~

Merle wanted to flog that fucking woman! Coming in here all high and mighty and making threats. Who in the actual fuck did this bitch think she was? She got knocked up by his brother but that didn't make her shit to him. Even if she had invited the boy right back between the damn sheets as soon as she saw him. That didn't make her any kin of Merle.

And then she's gonna try to guilt him! He'd already told his brother how much he regretted what he had done. It fucking ate at him every damn second since the moment he'd found out what he had done. He felt bad enough so he didn't need her making it worse.

The door opened then and he damn near threw his water glass without looking. He wasn't in the mood for anymore bullshit. He looked up and saw Daryl stroll into the room, his face clouded over with worry and Merle knew why. He was carrying the little girl that Merle had seen. The one he hadn't known he was even related to till today.

Merle met the kids eyes and was surprised to see crocodile tears on her cheeks. When he looked at Daryl he was just reaching up to swipe them off the girls face. He looked at Merle then. "She overheard us talkin' about you comin' tomorrow but she'd also heard that you had died so she pitched a fit cause she thought we were bringin' home a dead body."

Merle scowled.

Daryl looked at the girl then but she was still staring at Merle. He forced her to look at him with a finger under her chin. "See. He's as alive as you and me."

She looked back at Merle and then squirmed until Daryl sat her on the floor. She gripped the side of Daryl's shirt, huge eyes searching his. "I guess you don't look all that dead."

Merle had no idea what to say. He didn't talk to little kids.

"I told you that," Daryl said. "Now we gotta go."

"Who the hell picked out your outfit, girl?" Merle asked suddenly once he got a look at the kid's clothes.

She looked down at herself and then back up at him. "I did. I don't like for my clothes to get bored."

Daryl groaned but for some reason this struck Merle as some funny shit. He chuckled and then winced slightly as a pain flashed through his chest. "That makes plenty of sense to me, girly."

She nodded. "Mama makes me wear what she picks out but she wasn't home when we got back from the woods and daddy didn't know he had to pick out stuff. I got lucky today."

Hearing somebody refer to Daryl as their dad was a strange thing. He nodded at the girl though, despite the weird feeling. It wasn't a bad feeling, just odd. It kind of felt like pride. If nothing else, his brother at least had himself a couple of sharp kids. And now that the boy wasn't around, Merle could see a lot of his brother in the little girl.

"Come on, Lily. We gotta head home," Daryl said, his eyes shifting from Merle to the little girl. It was obvious that Daryl didn't want her around him. Not yet anyway. Merle didn't really blame him much for it.

She looked up. "Hold on a second," she said, dropping Daryl's shirt from her small fist and then rushing towards the hospital bed, scrambling up before Daryl could catch her. She sat down on the edge of the bed, peering at Merle curiously, her face close to his. "Whats a jackass?"

He glanced at Daryl who seemed extra nervous now that the girl was closer. "It's like a... well, kinda like a horse I guess." He didn't know why his brother looked like that. Merle was a real son of a bitch sometimes but he'd never treat his own niece bad, even if he couldn't stand her mama.

She frowned, leaning closer, studying his face. "Sometimes I don't think mama is as smart as she thinks cause she said you was the biggest jackass she's ever met but you don't look like any kind of horse I ever saw."

"Shit," Daryl muttered, walking towards the bed.

Merle laughed again and his brother paused in the middle of the room, shaking his head as the corner of his mouth turned up. Merle watched Daryl carefully and when his little brother's eyes fell on the little girl again Merle saw something in his expression that he'd never seen before. Like a potent mixture of love and awe that had Merle actually looking away.

Could he really walk right into the middle of that? Could he somehow find some niche of his own in his brothers strange new life?

"Okay, squirt, let's get the hell outta here. You're brother's prolly pacin' a hole in the floor," Daryl said, lifting her off the bed.

"You sure you're comin' to stay with us tomorrow?" The girl asked, her small arms going around Daryl's neck.

He nodded. "I spose I ain't got much choice. You're mama said I have to come stay with you or she's gonna have me locked up somewhere," he said morosely.

"Merle," Daryl snapped.

Lily looked on, her eyes wide. "She's nice most of the time. You must have really been some kind of jackass to make her say something like that. I'll try to keep you out of trouble when you get there."

Daryl sighed and shook his head, that strange look on his face again but Merle found himself laughing again. He wished the little shit would quit being so goddamn funny cause laughing hurt.

"I'll be here around lunch time. You need anything from the house?" Daryl asked, backing towards the door.

Merle shrugged. "Clothes I suppose. Ain't got a whole lot else there."

Daryl nodded and then gave him a meaningful look before glancing at Lily. "Thanks, Merle," he said in a low voice.

Merle realized then that Daryl hadn't been keen on the idea of him meeting the girl at all. "She's my blood to, little brother. Carol's a different story though. You keep that in mind."

He seemed relieved but then he grinned. "Yeah, well, Carol ain't like a lot of other people. You ain't gonna scare her off easy, Merle."

Merle snorted, watching him go. The girl turned and waved. Merle waved back.


	20. Chapter 20

**Sorry guys! This isn't an overly exciting chapter but it's a chapter! Thanks for reading! =)**

**Chapter Twenty **

Daryl glared at the mess around him. He was furious but he had to reign it in. Carol looked around, her eyes widening.

"Dad, you and your brother ain't too good at cleanin' after yourselves, huh?" Jake asked, his wide eyes looking around.

"Don't look at me. It didn't look like this when I was here just the other day." There were beer bottles all over, trash strewn about. He went to the kitchen and stopped in his tracks, looking down at the table.

Carol stepped in then, wanting to help but not knowing how. She followed his gaze and gasped.

"Get them back out to the car," he said, his voice cold as he saw the needles on the table. "Now."

She grabbed each of them by the hand and hurried back out of the kitchen. He stared at the small empty baggies and the few needles lying there on the chipped formica. He stared at the drips of blood on the table where someone hadn't bothered to clean up their mess. His stomach turned sour and he had to swallow down bile that rose in the back of his throat.

He loved his brother. There was no doubt in his mind about that. And he wanted to help him. Merle was a decent person when his demons were resting and Daryl knew that he had the potential. But if he ever saw anything like this around his kids, Merle was out. It was one thing for Daryl to put up with it. It was one thing for him to look at this mess, but he wasn't alone anymore.

Carol was a grown woman that was perfectly capable of protecting herself so he wasn't worried about her either. She was strong and capable, but Jake and Lily? They were four goddamn years old! It was his job to keep them from getting hurt. It was his job to protect them. He was just scratching the surface as far as this whole dad thing went but that was just instinct. He loved Merle and he always would but somehow, in just a few short days, those two kids had become everything. Everything in him had shifted and changed and now everything he did, every decision, revolved around them somehow. He loved his brother but his brother wasn't his whole world. They were.

If Merle ever brought something like this into his house, exposed his kids to the same kinds of things Daryl had been exposed to, then it was over. He'd send him packing and he wouldn't look back. If Merle got himself killed out there then there wasn't anything that Daryl could do. Merle had to try to do right. Daryl couldn't shoulder his weight anymore. He had too much on his own now.

It would kill a part of him to lose his brother. He could only hope that this time was it. It just had to be it. Daryl couldn't keep doing this.

~H~

Carol glanced back before she killed the engine. Jake and Lily were both out like a light. Normally she would have to wake one of them up and carry the other. She refused to leave one in a vehicle while taking the other to bed. Anything could happen. The one she left could wake up, scared because they were alone in the car, or someone could snatch them up, even though she usually parked right in the garage. It felt strange that she didn't have to worry about something like that.

"It's been a long damn day," Daryl said, stopping next to the driver's side door. He'd followed her home in her car.

She smiled but she knew he would know it was forced. Seeing all of that stuff on the kitchen table scared her. She was afraid for Daryl and she was afraid for her children and most of all, she was afraid for Merle. Afraid because if he ever brought something like that into her home, where her children lived, slept, played... she would kill him. "Let's get them to bed. I feel like death myself."

He nodded, a worried look in his eyes that she refused to comment on at the moment. There was time to talk later. Right now, her mind was just too tired to talk about it.

Jake was taller and much stouter, making him heavier than his sister so Daryl went for him and she gave him a grateful smile as she unbuckled Lily, who barely stirred. Once they were both in bed she found Daryl in the living room, kicking his boots off. He sat them off to the side and then sank back into the couch. He still had that distant look in his eyes and she hated it.

He looked tired and he looked worried. After what she had seen in his brother's kitchen earlier, she was more than a little worried herself. When they had been at the hospital she had been so sure that she was making the right decision. She was trying to ease his mind, offering Merle, not only the guest room, but a place in their lives. A permanent place. Now, she was simply scared but she didn't want him knowing it. It was obvious that he had enough to worry about without her adding her own fears to it.

"Come on," she said, turning the lamp off and reaching for his hand.

He sighed heavily and took it, pulling himself up off the couch with little help from her. She didn't glance back at him as she pulled him through their room and then slipped into the bathroom, finally letting go of his hand and shutting the door firmly. When she turned he was leaning against the counter, watching her with one brow raised.

Without a word she went to the shower, turning the water on as hot as she could stand and then she went back to him. She pushed his shirt up until he had no choice but to strip it off. Her hands went to his chest and she kissed his throat, reveling in the taste of his skin on her lips. His hand came up, tangling into her hair and forcing her mouth up to meet his.

She kissed him, her mind still stunned that this was still so familiar, natural. Her fingers made quick work of his belt. He started backing her towards the shower, lifting her shirt and forcing her to momentarily abandon the button she was working on. She hurried out of her bra and let him push her pants down her hips.

The shower was large with a wide rain shower head fixed to the ceiling. As soon as he had his pants off she pulled him in, shutting the glass door. The hot water felt good but his hands felt even better, strong and rough as they hauled her against him. Steam bellowed around them in thick clouds as the water poured over them. She slid her hand between them, gripping him hard, causing that primal sound to escape his throat.

She felt her back hit the warm tile and she smiled against his lips. There was a low seat built into the corner and she used it to prop one leg, drawing him further against her. He pulled her hand away and then pushed into her, his forehead dropping to her shoulder. Her hands roamed over his slick body as he moved into her, skin slick and wet, muscles flexing and bunching under her wondering touch.

His arm shot out, his hand braced against the wall next to her head, his breath heavy next to her ear. She turned her head, her teeth biting into his skin lightly. He cursed, gripping her hip hard. She clung to his shoulders when he finally lifted her, forcing her to wrap her legs around his waist. When he turned his head, catching her lips with his own she moaned into his mouth, feeling that sweet pressure intensify as he moved deeper.

She shuddered against him, gripping him tighter. Her head fell back and she bit her lip hard to keep from crying out. His forehead resting against hers, his eyes boring into hers as the heat of his release filled her. His eyes were dark and heated and she lost herself in them for a moment. He finally pulled back, keeping his hands on her hips until her feet were on the floor.

"Feel better?" She asked, pushing him back under the spray.

The corner of his mouth turned up and he shook his head, working on catching his breath. "You think you can just put out and all my worries go away?"

She nodded, schooling her features. "Of course."

He laughed and kissed her quickly. "Yeah, actually I do feel a little better." His face sobered and he reached around her for the shampoo bottle. Her eyes followed the trail of suds that slid down his throat, over his chest.

"Eyes up here, pervert," he said, sounding offended.

She met his eyes and laughed and then started washing her own hair, catching him doing the same thing she had done, following the soap down to her breasts. She turned her back on him with a grin. He growled and gripped her hips, pulling her flush against him. His hands slid up and she leaned into him.

"We gotta hurry up and get the hell outta here. If one of them wake up and neither one of us are in the bedroom..." His voice trailed off.

She sighed. "I keep forgetting that you're older now and may not be able to keep up. It's okay. You don't have to use our sleeping children as an excuse, Daryl. I understand."

He laughed stepping away from her reluctantly. She smiled to herself.

They managed to keep their hands to themselves after that but the proof that he very well could keep up with her was obvious. Out in the desert the two of them had had an insatiable sexual appetite and the fact that he was still aroused so quickly after they had just been together was proof that he hadn't changed in that aspect.

Once they were in bed she rested her head on his chest, running her hand along his side. "It might be a little tough at first but everything will work itself out in time. I don't want you worrying about it."

He was staring up at the ceiling but he tightened his hold on her. "Can't be helped. You met the man. I'm hopin' he'll try to make it easy but Merle... Well, let's just say that he's about the most frustrating son of a bitch I've ever had to deal with in my life."

"I think we'll be okay. We're tough."

He sighed. "You saw what that house looked like. You saw the shit he was into. How the hell can you say that, knowin' what he's capable of?"

She shrugged and then raised up on her elbow, looking down at him. "I can say that because I know that we can fix this. Daryl, he did what he did because he was hurting."

He shook his head. "This ain't the first time he's done it. Hell, he's already done jail time this year. And it wasn't his first stay, either. Merle is a fuck up. He ain't always been but the last couple of years he's just spiraled."

"Despite everything, he's proven that he cares about you. He never would have brought you here and you reacted exactly how he expected."

"He's a grown ass man, Carol! It shouldn't matter what the hell I say to him. It ain't an excuse for him to go do stupid shit like that. He blew every goddamn cent he had on that junk and that was his rent, his bill money, money for food. He killed his damn self! That ain't my fault."

She raised a brow at him. "Are you finished?"

He blew out a frustrated breath and sat up, leaning back on his arms. "I don't know. Are you blamin' me for Merle's stupid ass decisions?"

She gave him an exasperated look. "You know that I'm not blaming you. All I'm saying is, Merle, despite being a shithead, loves you. I think that if he knows that he isn't an outsider, that he didn't lose a brother but gained a nephew and a niece, then he'll try harder to do better. If he didn't regret what he did to us he never would have brought you to me. That took a lot for him. I think we need to remember that, no matter how bad it gets. I believe he'll come around and he's worth fighting for. He has to feel like he's completely alone right now and we have to work to let him know that he isn't."

He collapsed back onto his back and sighed. She laughed quietly, her eyes dancing and his gaze flicked to her. "What the hell are you laughin' at?"

"You just got mad at me. I've never seen you mad at me before."

He snorted. "I wasn't mad you."

She nodded grinning down at him. "You were! It was so cute! You looked just like Jake."

He glared at her. "Keep it up," he warned.

She eyed him. "Or what? You'll get outraged again? I'm not scared of-" She cried out in surprise when he rolled, pinning her under him. She laughed and tried to squirm free but he had a good grip on her. He kissed her hard.

"Shut up," he said against her lips. He let go of her hands so her arms could wind around his neck.

"We're gonna be okay," she said, nearly gasping as his teeth sank into her neck.

"I know," he said, raising up and meeting her eyes.

They didn't say anything else for a long time after that.


	21. Chapter 21

**I am so damn sorry I haven't updated this in so long! I've been dealing with stuff, dentists and realtors. Someone should make a horror movie involving both of those. Anyway, again, I'm sorry. Updating seriously slipped my mind! Thank you all for reading! **

**Chapter Twenty One **

Carol watched as Daryl struggled to wrestle shoes on a squirming Lily. It was about time the girl started testing him the way Carol was constantly being tested. It was happening a lot faster than she expected and she thought maybe she would get to see the more stern fatherly side rear it's head.

"But those shoes are awful!" Lily wailed. "I don't even know why mama bought them cause they're that dang awful!"

Daryl's brows pulled down in a frown but he didn't look to Carol for help. "No they ain't and the sooner you quit squirmin' the sooner your little ass gets to go outside," he said, his voice calm.

"But-"

"That's it," he growled, standing up quickly. He reached down and picked her up and then turned her upside down. He held onto her legs with one arm and somehow managed to shove both her shoes on her feet before she could realize what had happened. Lily started laughing, trying to push her shirt away from her face since it had fallen down. He swung her back around, earning a delighted squeal from the girl, and then he sat her on her feet.

She looked down at her shoes, stomped her feet a couple of times and then beamed up at him. "They're not so bad I don't guess," she said quickly and then she took off running towards the sliding doors where her brother was waiting patiently.

Daryl, hands on his hips, stared after her. "Jesus, she's you made over for fuck's sake," he grumbled and then took off after them.

Carol followed him outside, her keys gripped tightly in her hand. He was still mad at her and she knew it but she thought that this was a good idea. She had begged him to just agree with her that it would be better for her to be the one to pick Merle up. She needed to get to know him and she needed to start building a relationship with him. She didn't want her kids living in a house where everyone was tense. But she didn't want Daryl to be upset about it so she was ready to cave.

"You about ready to go?" he asked, plopping down into one of the patio chairs. He kept his eyes on the kids but his jaw was clenching.

"No," she said, scooting the keys across the small table that separated them. "You go ahead."

He looked up at her and then down at the keys. With a sigh he shook his head and then grabbed her hand, hauling her towards him. He didn't stop pulling until she was sitting sideways on his lap with her legs draped over the arm of the chair. "The only goddamn reason I want to do it myself is cause I know he's gonna give your ass a hard time. I know him."

"And you know me. I don't scare easily, but I understand." Her eyes followed Jake's path towards where his sister was perched on a large boulder sitting in one of the flower beds.

"Go ahead and pick him up. I need to start getting shit ready around here for the crew to come in and get started on this damn yard. We need a fuckin' landscaper while your at it. It's a mess out here."

She grinned and then kissed him hard, reveling in the feel of his hand tightening on her hip.

"That's so gross!"

She broke the kiss and turned her head. Jake was standing there, his face screwed up in a look of complete disgust.

"Are you sayin' your mama's gross?" Daryl asked, quirking a brow at the boy. "Cause I've seen you kiss her yourself."

Jake turned red faced. "Well, yeah, I have but you got your hand right there on her butt. And that's just gross."

Daryl stood up, causing Carol to cry out in surprise because he took her with him. He sat her down, kissed her quickly and then shoved the keys into her hand. He gave her a meaningful look and then turned, strolling towards the boy. "I wasn't touchin' her butt," he grumbled, pulling Jake up and then pretended like he was going to toss him into the pool. The boy howled with laughter and Carol had to force herself to go back into the house. She could have watched them all day but she had to go and try to make some sort of progress with his brother.

Besides, it was good for him to get as much time with his kids as he could. All three of them needed it. She was just amazed at how well they were adapting. He couldn't possibly love them more than he did now, even after just a few days and she knew the kids felt the same. It made her that much more determined to bring Merle into that fold somehow and make him realize that he had a place here. Make him realize that he had no choice but to accept her because she was a part of that family too.

The trip to the hospital didn't feel like it took long enough but she got there just in time. He was at the desk, talking to the nurse who was handing him a stack of papers. By the time she made it there he turned, glanced at her and then his eyes searched the room. His lips thinned in a grim line.

"He's at home with the kids. I thought me and you could go grab some lunch. I'm sure you're tired of hospital food," she said quickly.

"So he sent his woman to pick up his baggage. Ain't that sweet?" He grumbled, stepping past her and heading towards the doors.

"Yeah, well, we kind of argued over who would come. He wanted to but he finally got sick of listening to me and told me to go ahead," she explained, hurrying after him.

"Ain't you a peach," he grumbled heading towards the parking lot.

She pursed her lips, refusing to let him bait her. Daryl had told her this would happen and she had argued with him all morning that she could handle it. So she was going to handle it. He didn't say anything on the short walk to the car but she could tell that he was feeling bad. He was pale and sweating already.

She glanced at him as she backed out of the space. "Your room is ready if you'd rather just go home. I can make you something to eat there if you don't feel like going anywhere right now."

"I ain't got a home, lady. Might as well be honest and say that you got a room ready at your house. Don't be callin' it mine cause it ain't and that big fancy house might impress my brother but it don't impress me. And I ain't too hungry and I ain't in the mood for small talk, which I'm sure your ass is full of, so just drive."

He yelled in surprise and grabbed the dash as she whipped over onto the side of the street and slammed on the breaks. She turned, glaring at him. He glared right back. "What the fuck is wrong with you!" He barked. At least there was some color in his cheeks now. "You forgettin' a man just got out of the hospital? You tryin' to give me a fuckin' heart attack?"

She took a deep breath and met his gaze squarely. "No, I'm not, but I needed to stop because you have to get a few things straight before we get there. You took every dime you had and you spent it on dope. You ended up using that dope to nearly kill your fool self. You landed in the hospital and they called me, so I came. I didn't have to come. I don't owe you shit, Merle Dixon. As a matter of fact, the way I look at it, you owe me. You can't make rent, you can't pay your bills, you can't even buy yourself a package of lunch meat.

"You're gonna have to get used to the fact that I am offering you a lot more than you deserve at the moment. My home is your home now and you can pretend like you're doing me some sort of favor by allowing me to keep you up until you're better, but you better start pretending with a little bit more respect. I've never done a damn thing to you and I refuse to be treated like shit when I haven't deserved it! Now are you finished with this antagonistic bullshit or are we gonna have to sit here all day because I'll tell you now, my patience is already running thin and I've had a lot of practice dealing with children, which is exactly what you're acting like for no damn reason at all!"

He gaped at her. "I didn't ask you for shit, lady! I ain't gotta kiss your ass! Who the hell do you think you're talkin' to, anyway?"

"I would never expect you to kiss my ass and you are talking to someone that your gonna be stuck with for the rest of your life and from where I sit, I'm talking to an overgrown man child. Now, we don't have to like each other, but as far Daryl is concerned, you and I are just fine. Can you at least do that for him?"

He glared. She glared right back. They sat there like that for a few long awkward moments and finally he glanced out the windshield and then settled back into his seat. "Let's just get this over with. I'm tired already."

She nodded and pulled back out onto the street, glancing at him on occasion from the corner of her eye. He looked so warn down that she felt bad for him despite his horrible attitude. She had made a mistake in coming to get him but she had hoped that if he saw that she was trying to make things better for him, he would finally soften up a little bit. She still had a little hope that he would eventually.

The ride was silent after that and she found herself grateful that it wasn't a long one. She saw him glance around at the scenery as they pulled in behind the van. He frowned when he saw it, squinting as he leaned up in his seat. "Same type of van Daryl had when he left home," he said, more to himself than to her.

She nodded. "It is the same van. I had it painted and the engine replaced but it's the one."

He glanced at her. "He told me that the engine blew up and that's why I had to fly him back to Georgia."

She shook her head. "He just didn't want to leave me with no ride. He wasn't keen on the idea of me hitching the rest of the way." She matched his slow pace as they walked inside and she saw him glancing around, grudgingly appreciative of the space.

He stopped in the middle of the living room and looked at her expectantly.

"Oh, I'll show you around. Daryl's probably still out back with Jake and Lily if you want to see him. Your room is back here," she said, glancing back to make sure he was following her. She opened the door and stood there until he went inside, his eyes taking in the space. "You have a TV and there's some books and you have your own bathroom so you don't have to fight with anyone over it. Your stuff is in the closet. If you'd like I can open those drapes over by that wall. The windows are huge and it looks right out onto the pool. Not impressive yet but once we get it redone it will probably be an amazing site." She was rambling because she wanted him to like it. She wanted him to feel like this was his space and that he was wanted here.

He nodded. She was glad she hadn't gone with Avery's advice and made the room fancier than it was. It was just a guest room, neutral colors, no frills.

He followed her back down the hall and she showed him which door led to who's room. He grunted in response but at least he had stopped the open hostility. She was sure that he would come around. He had no choice but to come around really. When they finally made it to the back yard she found Daryl in the pool. She had known that they would talk him into it.

Merle watched for a few long moments, a look on his face that she couldn't gauge before he finally looked over at her. "Think I'm gonna get a couple hours of sleep in. It's been a long goddamn day already."

She nodded and watched him go.


	22. Chapter 22

**Hello! I'm sorry, again, for posting so late. I've been dealing with stupid medical crap and it's had me in a funk. I hope you all are doing great and thank you for sticking with me! **

**Chapter Twenty Two **

Two kids could wear a man out faster than laying brick and Daryl was learning that fast. He was young, fit, quick on his feet, but these two were kicking his ass. They had spent most of the day outside, mostly because he was actually having a good time but there was a part of him that was simply avoiding going inside. But he couldn't avoid his brother forever. He had spent a good portion of the afternoon in the pool, impressed that both kids knew how to swim even better than he did. Once they were bored with that they made him prove that he wasn't afraid to climb the biggest oak in the yard, and they were so damn impressed he found it pretty comical. They took the path through the woods to the creek again and he was even able to show them a few things about tracking when he'd spotted a deer trail. Now he had a kid hanging off of each forearm while he lifted them off the ground. They both thought that he had to be stronger than the damn Incredible Hulk to be able to do that and they both vowed to brag about how their dad was probably stronger than any other kid's dad at school, once they started going.

"You can't avoid it forever."

He looked up at the sound of Carol's voice and both of the kids dropped back down to the ground. He met Carol's knowing gaze before his eyes flicked to the house. "Don't know what you're talkin' about," he mumbled.

She smiled. "He's actually not as bad today. I think he's mostly just feeling sorry for himself now. And his body really is worn out so he may be too tired to fight much."

He sighed wearily and glanced down at Jake, who had slipped his hand into Daryl's. The boy looked up and he was still just as taken aback by the resemblance as the first time he had seen the boy.

"Can I meet him now? Lily pitched a fit and made you take her to his room at the hospital but I was good and waited. I ain't ever had an uncle before."

Daryl thought about it for a few long moments but finally nodded. "I don't see what it can hurt." Merle had done okay with Lily yesterday so he should do fine with Jake.

Carol bent down and lifted a squirming Lily off the ground. "And you can get cleaned up and help me with dinner. Your dad hasn't gotten to try your famous biscuits yet, little girl."

The girls went inside, leaving him standing out on the patio with Jake. He wasn't exactly sure what he was suppose to say to his brother now. He didn't know where they stood anymore and he was still damn bitter. Every time he looked at his kids he was reminded of what he had lost. He hadn't been able to witness any milestones because of his brother. Because Merle had needed him to be his damn lackey.

He wasn't worried about Merle being an asshole towards him, even in front of Jake. What he was worried about was the remorse. Guilt was eating the man alive and he wasn't even trying to hide it and it went against everything that their relationship had been based on. So he didn't know how to react and he didn't know what to do to alleviate his brother's pain. He could tell him that it was okay, that he was with his kids now and it was all water under the bridge, but that would have been a lie. Because the man had taken away things that Daryl would never get back. First words, first steps, first Christmas, their first Birthdays. He'd never had the chance to hold them when they were infants, get up with them in the middle of the night so Carol could have a break. He didn't know what Jake's favorite color was, he didn't know what Lily liked on her pizza. Small things, but so big to him. And Merle had taken it. He hadn't meant to take it but he had taken it all away from him and he didn't want to forgive him. He didn't want to tell him that he was okay because he wasn't.

"Dad?"

He looked down, meeting the boy's eyes and forced a smile. "Right. Let's go in so you can meet the grumpy bastard," he muttered.

"You think he'll like me?" Jake asked, uncertainty lacing his words.

Daryl nodded. "He'll like you, kid. He don't much like me right now but that's alright. Me and him usually don't like one another too much." They paused outside of the guest room and Daryl rapped lightly on the door.

"It's your door. Open it if you want," Merle called, causing Daryl to roll his eyes.

They stepped in and he spotted Merle near one of the book cases, hardback in hand. It looked like he'd just about been ready to sit down in the reading chair but he froze when his eyes landed on the boy. He shook his head, almost like he still couldn't believe that Daryl had kids, and then lowered himself onto the edge of the cushion.

"What'cha got there, boy?" Merle asked, avoiding Daryl for now.

Jake shrugged and then took a few steps closer, holding out the slingshot Daryl had made for him.

Now Merle did glance up, if only briefly, and reached out, taking it from Jake's outstretched hand. He studied it, turning it over this way and that. "I think I was the one that showed your... uh... your old man how to make one of these when he was about your age," he said, handing it back.

"You're good at makin' stuff too?" Jake asked, still hanging back. He was much more leery than his sister.

Merle shrugged lightly. "I don't guess I'm bad at makin' stuff. You used that thing to take down any game yet?"

Jake shook his head. "My dad said we can practice on targets till I get good enough and then once I am we're gonna go on a hunt. I ain't done much practicin' yet though. Maybe by the time I have you won't be so sick anymore and you can go with us."

Merle looked away then, pretending to study the dust jacket on the book. "Yeah, we'll see," he said.

Jake looked up at Daryl, clearly unsure what to talk about now so he decided to cut the visit short. "You probably need to go get yourself cleaned up before supper is on the table, boy," he said, pushing Jake's hair off his forehead.

The boy nodded and headed towards the door. "Hey, uncle Merle?"

Merle's head shot up at that, his eyes a little round. It took him a few seconds to school his features. "Yeah?"

"You ought to come on out in a bit and eat at the table with the rest of us. I hate to think you're stuck in here, since this is the most boring room in the whole house."

Merle swallowed hard and nodded. "If I feel up to it I'll do that," he said, clearly not wanting to do that at all.

Jake took off then, pulling the door shut behind him and now Daryl was stuck standing there trying to figure out what to say to the man. "You should probably listen to him. They're damn smart kids, funny as fuck. You'd get a kick outta them if you do feel up to it."

Merle rested his elbows on his thighs, his eyes roaming around the room instead of meeting Daryl's. "Hearin' somebody call you dad is kind of fucked up," he said, sounding like he was testing the waters.

Daryl nodded. "Yeah, tell me about it. It still freaks me out every time I hear it, Uncle Merle."

This got an actual grin out of the man. "They seem pretty level headed to me, not all bitter and shit that you ain't been there for'em. They ain't got a clue that I'm the reason you ain't been around?" he asked, finally looking at him.

Daryl shook his head. "Carol made sure they knew that I would have been there if I could. They never had a chance to think I ran out on them or anything. When I showed up they were just glad I was finally here. Didn't really get around to askin' me where I'd been. I ain't too sure if they trust me yet. Lily seems to think if I leave I might not come back. Jake, I think he might trust me a little bit more than she does. She has a hard time when I leave the house but she'll get that out of her head soon enough." He hoped so at least.

Merle picked at the skin near his thumb nail. "Can that girl of yours at least cook?"

Daryl nodded.

"Me and you, we ain't ever gonna be right again, are we?" he asked, that low rasp of a voice sounding more quizzical than anything else.

He thought about that for a few long moments before he shrugged. "Merle, I don't think me and you have ever been right. You did what you could, way back when I was just a little kid, but you weren't around. Between getting yourself thrown in boys school to joining the military, I can't really say I even knew you well enough to claim that we were right. And the last five years, they've been the absolute worst of my life. Worse than all the shit I had to go through as a kid and I can't stand here and tell you that I don't blame you for every second of it. Hell, half the time you've been so goddamn high, you barely knew what was going on, but I didn't have that option. I wasn't able to get away from my own bullshit, the guilt I felt for just vanishing on her back then. You want me to say it's all water under the bridge but I can't. Especially now that I know what she had to have gone through, not ever knowin' what happened to me, bein' alone and pregnant and then havin' to take care of them on her own at eighteen years old. I can't get that back. None of us can get that back."

"Then why the hell did you want me here?" he asked, finally standing up.

He ran a hand through his hair. "Because we have a chance to do this over. You don't have to be the same person you've been. Hell, I'm not. You think I'm the same guy that got out of that truck the other day? Things happen and they can make someone a better man. You just have to let it. You're still my brother, regardless of what I said the other day, and I want you here for this, she wants you here for this."

Merle shook his head and put the book back on the shelf. He tried to step past him, heading towards the door, and even though Daryl was grateful that he was going to give this thing a shot, at least for now, he wasn't exactly finished. He stopped Merle with a hand on his shoulder, not letting him pass just yet. Merle met his eyes and Daryl didn't look away. For the first time in his life, he realized, that he was level with the other man. He didn't have to look up, and he hadn't for a long time, but he'd felt that way. That he was just a boy, stunted by a lifetime of heartache, and Merle was this giant. Merle was larger than life. He realized then that Merle was just a man.

"What now?" Merle asked.

"As much as I want you here, want you to be who you can be for them, I gotta tell you that if you bring any of that shit, that shit I found back at the house, around my kids, you'll leave and you won't come back. I have to do what I have to do to protect them, even from you if I have to."

Merle held his gaze for a few long moments and Daryl could tell that he wanted to snap back, he wanted to do what Merle did and remind Daryl who the bigger man was. But he didn't even try it. "If I get that itch, I'll take off."

Daryl shook his head. "If you get that itch, why can't you just come tell me so we can fucking squash it for good? You ain't gotta scratch that itch, Merle. You can fight it and I can help you do that. Carol wants to help you."

Merle smiled but it was a bitter look. "How about I won't tell you how to handle your kids and you won't tell me how to handle my demons, boy?"

Daryl wanted to argue but he didn't. As long as Merle was willing to keep it away from him then that was really all he could ask. He wouldn't push him. Not yet anyway.


End file.
